Monday, March 31, 2003

American Idiot

Jeez, I told you I hate this guy.

Ice, ice baby, too cold, too cold

Who brings 4 pairs of shoes on vacation and returns home with 6 pairs?!? Me - that's who.

The Honolulu Advertiser is running their answer to ABC's tv show, "The Bachelor" by doing "Hawaii Bachelor." Pretty funny. Anyway - here's the winner.

I got bit by something - my leg has swollen up like crazy. Damn tropical environments. Bugs love me - must be my sweet blood. It hurts. Bad. On a happy note today I had Waiola shave ice - Cherry with ice cream. Yum yum.

Sunday, March 30, 2003

You want fries with that?

Dinner at Zippy's = $5.95

Crap movie rented at Blockbuster = $5.17

Quality time with my sister in law = Priceless.

So we go to Zippy's tonight and can I just stop and quote Joe Peschi from Lethal Weapon and say - "They SCREW you at the drive-thru." Goddamit I hate when you order food to go and you settle in at home and open the package and it's totally effed up. Either the wrong thing completely or something's missing. In this case I ordered chicken katsu and there was NO katsu sauce. This is an outrage! How in the hell am I supposed to choke this down without it. UGH.

Saturday, March 29, 2003

You're not Jones-y...

Jason Lee.

I went to see "Dreamcatcher" under the hypnosis of my love for you. The love is gone.

You owe me $10 and two hours of my life back.

For a full review of the movie click HERE.

Thursday, March 27, 2003

MAHALO King Kamehameha

I take it back - I take it ALL back - Hawaii is damn wonderful! You know why? Check out this weather baby!!!! Overcast and rainy - rain rain - rain. I love it.

The plane ride. No I didn't get stuck next to the crying child as I expected, instead I was seated next to the crazy old asian lady with the tuberculosis-like cough that she interupted only to snack on little mini fish heads. Disgusting! Oh and may I just give you this equation:

ME + trapped on an airplane + an Owen Wilson movie = HELL ON EARTH.

Jesus. We all know my hatred for Owen Wilson's acting. This basically sealed it. Not to mention that Kyle was sitting next to me laughing out loud like a crazy man at all his stupid lines. (I think he was doing it to spite me.)

Aside from all that – can I just say - Continental Airlines is the SCHIZNIT! That airline is the bomb. Large seats, leg room, decent food, AND - each seat gets their own individual tv. And - best of all - they won my heart by playing the 2002 ABFAB special that was only seen in the U.K. Edina goes to New York to search for her long lost son Serge. It was the best abfab ever. They even showed them in the famous New York bookstore Strand - a store Figgy dragged me too and I was glad she did.

So we are here – Day one – and we have already gone to Daiei AND Longs. Now what the hell am I gonna do the rest of the week?.....HOLY SHIT. I'm sitting at my sister-in-law's computer and there's a goddam gecko running around loose in this house - making all kinds of freaky noises. I know it's bad luck to kill geckos but if I see that lizard anywhere near me I'm gonna freak...

Oh and good news bloggers, Figgy's got her own website.
As she says, "Figgyville, like Nellyville, except without the bitches and hoes."

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

And I think it's gonna be a long, long, time
Figgy's review of "Old School" is up. That movie was so not funny to me. With the exception of when the wedding singer sings "Total Eclipse of the Heart" - "Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified and then I see the look in your F*CKING eyes... I am so singing that at Figgy's wedding.

Tomorrow I get on the plane and go to my fave place (NOT) Hawaii. I hope to god there isn't a screaming kid sitting behind me. I'm always the lucky winner of that seat. I like kids - but when they're screaming at the top of their lungs for 4 hours, I start to freak.

My in-laws LOVE to get to the airport four hours early. God, is that what happens when you retire - you just don't give a crap about wasting time anymore? If I had internet access and could find a frappuccino less than $10 it wouldn't be so bad. That coupled with the fact that I literally go to the bathroom every 5 minutes - flying doesn't really work for me.

Well, at least I won't be at work.

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

So you wanna be a rock superstar?
Goddam m*ther f*king DMV sent me a letter saying they are going to suspend my license cause I didn't file my car accident. I was so raving mad last night I got a stomach ache. And Kyle's like, "Damn you better take care of this or else I have to drive you around for a year." Believe me - that would suck cause I'd never go shopping. So I call them today after 15 tries - I finally get through - and they're all, "Oh yeah, everything's fine. Ignore the notice." Son of a...

If I had a band I'd write a song about this. Like NWA's "F*** tha Police", mine would be "F*** the DMV."

My Top 5 possible band names:


4. Azrael Abyss

3. Ballistic Monkeys

2. Chopstick Nation

1. Puddle of Jenn

When I get bored with corporate america and the MAN trying to bring me down, I'm gonna break away from band #4 Chopstick Nation and become "TAFNAJ" - The Artist Formerly Known As Jenn - and change my name to a symbol, and that symbol will be... a SPORK.

Monday, March 24, 2003

Here in my car I feel safest of all
F**K you DMV.

I gave you the proper documents for my accident - you wanna try and suspend my license? Go ahead I F*CKING dare you.

Pass me some o’ that bling bling
Oh my god, Figgy - a Keanu Reeves Blog - How could we NOT know about this?
Hellooo - Keanu Reeves on the Oscars last night, he looked awesome.

O.K... A 25 year old software engineer from Los Angeles won the Megabucks in Vegas this weekend – 40 MILLION dollars. He is not telling anyone who he is – in order to protect his new found wealth. Now - everyone I know is an engineer, so dammit – I know it’s one of you!! Show me some love, I’m broke. And Kyle contributed more than our share to that 40 million so it’s payback time…

Sunday, March 23, 2003

“Nobody walks in L.A.”
I went out shopping today and there were limos everywhere you turn – all the celebs were going to the Oscars. It’s a good day to shop in L.A. cause the streets are virtually empty – the whole town prepares for this day so it’s easy to get around.

Speaking of driving - the other day we see a PT Cruiser with the license plate “PT TUDE.” That is so retarded. I have a problem with people who get personalized plates that just restate what car they drive. Hello – we can tell it’s a “PT” and that you have a “TUDE.”

Yeah, yeah, I have a personalized plate, but it doesn’t say “CRVLOVA” or something craptacular like that. Throw a shoutout to your fave sports team or put your kids names, I’m just saying don’t state the obvious. I.E., “TTROCKS” or “911FAN.” Let’s be original, people.

Check it out - the California DMV let's you see if the personalization you want is availiable.

Friday, March 21, 2003

Sick... in the head maybe...
So I talk about my Grandma all the time on this blog - well we had a scare recently - and we really thought it was going to be something bad. But she's recovered and all is well. So of course in my calling her - she sounds like she's back to her old that a good thing??

Gram: Hello?

Me: Hey Gram. You’re ok now?

Gram: I’m fine. I was worried.

Me: So was I, I was crying all day wondering if you were going to be ok.

Gram: (silence)... I don’t believe you.

Me: Jesus! Freakin’ rude – why would I lie about that??

Gram: I don’t know. (laughing)

Me: Oh for god’s sake.

Thursday, March 20, 2003

Who are you?
1.You can’t sleep at night cause the sounds of the theme to Final Fantasy are ringing in your head.
2. There are wires and controllers all over the floor in front of your tv.
3. Everytime you’re the passenger in a car you somehow end up at BestBuy
4. When you go to watch Sex in the City there is a blue screen on the tv, and the words VIDEO 3 in the top left corner of the screen and by the time you find the tv/video button and push it Carrie has broken up with Aidan and is back with Big!!....aaarrgghhh…uh…..yeah.
5. You know which FRY’s is the Polynesian one and which one is themed out like an alien invasion.

You, my friend – are the wife of an engineer.
Happy Birthday!
Today Kyle turns 30! Happy Birthday!

I don't feel so good...
Last night I opened the freezer and the shelf broke and all this shit fell onto the floor - including my Jamba Juice - all - over - the - floor. So I had no food, so I ate these leftovers which I didn't realize were from DAYS ago - which was a bad idea. Instantly got food poisoning, threw up for hours and hours, and eventually passed out in on the floor in front of the toilet. What am I, a junkie??? Who does that?? I plan to never eat again...

Tuesday, March 18, 2003

Tiny bubbles...
Well, all this talk about design being so important and I had the fugliest blog on the block. I'll try this style out til I design a better one. Maybe it'll help me get over my fear of polka dots, there must be a name for that disease....

Monday, March 17, 2003

I want the world to know, got to let it show
You know when you go into a store and you just can’t leave cause a good song is playing in the speakers overhead? That’s how I felt today when I went to Jamba Juice and “I’m Coming Out” came on. I didn’t want to leave but then again I could just go home and dig out my old Diana Ross cds.

For dinner I am having Coldbuster with femme boost. Yum-e. Dinner of champions. A friend of mine who’s a nurse once told me that Jamba Juice is the meal of choice for bulimics and anorexics. I am clearly neither of those things, so whatever. All I know is, it’s dee-lish. Give me a Jamba over a steak anyday...

Sunday, March 16, 2003

Back in time
I could have sworn that a movie ticket cost $8.00 last month. We went to the theatre last night and it’s now $9.50. How the hell? Now the Bridge’s demand of $12 a ticket for the Director’s Hall doesn’t seem that ridiculous. Especially since you get assigned leather seats…

In 1985 I saw Back to the Future in the theater 5 times. Movie tickets cost around $4.25 back then. What a bargain! Course I think the minimum wage was $4.25 too…I used to be so excited to get that piddly check every week from my first job at the local Sanrio store. Every girl’s dream to work at a Hello Kitty store. I think that’s where my aversion to the color pink started, wall to wall all things pink and screaming kids. Makes for a volatile workplace.

Nowadays they have Hello Kitty toasters, cookware, everything! It’s amazing. When we went to Japan last year that was the coolest thing, no matter how small it was – there was some thought put into the product. Being such a stickler for design in everyday life, it was heaven. Every little thing was designed. That’s how life should be.

Friday, March 14, 2003

an excerpt from my AIM chat with Figgy...

FIGGY: i'm done with my crap reviews

FIGGY: no one's reading them

JENN: Kyle reads them all the time, but he doesn’t want to leave a comment.

FIGGY: Yeah well tell him if I don't get feedback I'm going to drop the Crap Reviews faster than the Kobra Kai kicked Daniel San out of the dojo

FIGGY: are you at work or home?

JENN: leaving to go to the dentist, what are you doing?

FIGGY: i'm watching gilligan's island.

JENN: stop watching. they're never gonna get off the island.

JENN: don't be tricked - gilligan will f*ck it up.

Thursday, March 13, 2003

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for Sega...
Programming note - all of you who are significant others of gamers,
tonight on MTV at 10pm:

True Life – I’m a gamer

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

I was tuning in the shine on the light night dial
Got nothing but music news today.

The one and only Elvis Costello got inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on Tuesday. Life is good.

I saw the new No Doubt video - with vid clips showing them in the 'old' days. Back when they were a young good, orange county, undiscovered band. Back before everyone and their mother jumped on the 'I Love No Doubt' fandwagon. So being home I got to see TRL today - good lord that shows sucks. Not that Carson Daly was the bomb but who are those two kids they got hosting now? The non-Carson-girl-host said she was 4 years old when No Doubt was formed, holy crap!! I am old....

Only one thing can get me out of the house in this depressed state – and that's to buy the new Everclear album! Target has new releases - cheap. A mere $8.99 to sample Art Alexakis’ genius?? Where’s my credit card…

Home on the range
Ever since I saw "Undercover Brother" I've been obsessed with orange soda. So I went to the market this morning, bought orange soda, then some goldfish crackers, and some orange popsicles. Leaving the market, staring at all things orange in my cart, I saw 3 different men get into their respective cars..alll shirts. Coincidence?

Things I learned while staying home from work today:

1.Katie Couric can be cranky

2.My cousin is on tv a lot. Pink’s video “Don’t let me Get Me” was on tv twice today. She’s playing bass on stage. Yay Janis!!

3. I have 23 pairs of shoes

4. I need a new jar of honey – preferably in a small plastic bear

5. The rubber stamp store opens at 8am

6. My boss has my cell phone number

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

See what happens when you're out of work?
I have a f*cking headache. I have been playing this game all day. The directions are in japanese so don't ask me what it says - all I know is you replace the animal heads by clicking on them and goal is to get 3 or more in a row....try it. It's addicting.


I just scored 10,070 - sucka.....