Wednesday, April 30, 2003

Goodbye Lasundra Cobbins!!

Josh you f*er - you ruined my fave Gary Puckett song, "Young Girl." You're so going home next week. OH yes, next week....

until then - listen to CLAY sing Unchained Melody. It's off the heezy fo' sheezy....

I scream you scream...

Top 5 Wednesday - in honor of free ice cream day!. As you can tell - I don't like a lot of "junk" in mine, except for #2. It's all about the flava, baby.

Top 5 Ice Cream Flavors
1. Coffee
2. Prailines and Cream
3. Lemon Sorbet
4. Mint Chip
5. Chocolate Chip

Monday, April 28, 2003

All you do is talk talk ---talk talk ---all you do is talk talk

For all those who care – my grandma is out of the hospital and doing well. She is back to her old self…is that a good thing? I went to go get her from the hospital and walked into the room just as she woke up….

ME: Hi Gram. How are you doing?

GRAM: My throat hurts from the scope they put down there. My pancreas is large and deformed looking.

ME: Thanks for that info, that is disgusting. Well you look good anyway. The doctor said your throat will hurt for a few days but you should take lozenges.

GRAM: I don’t like lozenges….my throat is killing me.

ME: Maybe you should stop talking.

GRAM: Yeah, maybe.

ME: Why don't you stop right about now?

GRAM: Yes. I’m tired.


GRAM: My throat hurts.


GRAM: (quietly)… doctor said I should be back to my normal self now….

ME: Jesus, couldn’t they fix THAT?

Sunday, April 27, 2003

Every day is like Sunday...Come, Armageddon! Come!

Sunday is my fave day - it's so relaxing. Today we had to forgo our typical Sunday ritual - since Kyle had tickets to the Lakers playoff game. So as he headed for Staples Center, cut to me driving up the 405 at 70 miles an hour. There is nothing better on a Sunday morn than exiting on Sunset and winding through Bel Air while singing along to "Barracuda" by the Heart sisters.

For those of you who don't live in L.A. the Sunset exit is really interesting because you pass through all these multi-million dollars homes and end up on the heart of the Sunset Strip, passing Hustler, The Saddle Ranch, Dublins, HOB and The Standard.

NOTE: Since someone asked me - The Standard is a very cool, very hip hotel - where all the beautiful people go. It was featured in Sex in the City when the girls went to L.A. It is known for the "human aquarium" in the lobby - where actors, models, and performance artists are hired to sit in the aquarium for their shift. How very "Bladerunner". If you go to their website, click on the Hollywood location - then "lobby" - you can see it.

Anyway - I was headed for Virgin Megastore - I had to return the Donnie Darko dvd my husband so thoughtfully bought me - since I had already jumped the gun and bought it myself. Virgin Megastore is located right next to Crunch gym - where one Mr. Justin Timberlake works out. Unfortunately he wasn't there today. This is also the gym where they have "Cardio Striptease" classes.

Then I headed to Bloomingdale's - seeing as how it's their annual shoe sale and all.... but I was very good and didn't buy ANY shoes. I did however stand in front of the Men's Paul Frank section contemplating whether or not I needed a shirt that had a fake post-it silkscreened on it that said,
"Note to self: I am a genius."
It really made me laugh out loud - but there was no way I was going to buy a Paul Frank shirt WITHOUT a monkey on it. Blasphemy!

So my Sunday Bloody Sunday is over, and this is what I ended up purchasing:

The soundtrack to Donnie Darko (who doesn't need that??)
A compilation of classic 70's rock - featuring Blue Oyster Cult (you can always use more cowbell...)
and some soynutz (just because).

I want French Vanilla not Freedom Vanilla - you can taste the difference...

Damn right I want my free ice cream...

Friday, April 25, 2003

She's a maniac, maniac

Have you seen this "I'm GLAD" video?

I'm laughing my *ASS* off.

Thursday, April 24, 2003

He's Chainsaw - I'm Dave - and we'll see you at the movies!

Today my Grandma is going in for surgery. Let’s all hope for the best – cause we all need more Grandma stories right? Hopefully everything will be ok.

Grandma loves the movies – she goes about once a week if she can, so I asked her to write some reviews for the blog. (Yes she knows the blog exists). So she decided to go with Academy Award winner – “The Pianist.” You’ll notice she is quite a good writer. Looks like she's giving Figgy a run for her money.

I especially love how she rounds out her review by USING the actual title in the closing sentence. She’s all Siskel and Ebert up in here!

The Pianist
Usually a film about the horrors of the Holocaust is too gruesome to watch but THE PIANIST is the story of a death march survivor that is so real and intriguing that the viewer is totally consumed with every move made and all else becomes only a background.

It's the true story of Wladyslaw Szpilman, a Jewish concert pianist of Warsaw, Poland who is rounded up, put to heavy labor, starved, and on his way to a concentration camp. when friends unexpectedly help him escape. He is able to elude the Nazis through the help of many organizations, friends, strangers and even the enemy. What a relief when his struggle finally ends.

Roman Polalnski, the director, a holocaust survivor himself, has made the scenes so realistic that you fully realize how terrible war really is......makes you wish that the killing in Iraq will stop right now. This is a story of fear and hope and eventual success. Adrien Brody does an excellent job as THE PIANIST.

Fate - up against your will...

the Butcher is gone!!! My faith in America has been restored. Then again - maybe not....

I heard on the news this morning that O.J. Simpson is getting his own reality series. For some reason when I heard that I immediately started singing "The Killing Moon" by Echo and the Bunnymen. Weird.

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

Fever dog - scratching at my back door...

Today someone came up to me and said, "It's hump day!" Ew - that is disgusting. What's wrong with just saying it's Wednesday...

That being said, It's Top 5 Wednesday! Last week's Top 5 Synthesizer songs went pretty well. Today I think I'll go with....Top 5 Lead Singers. I'm not talking legends here, cause that's another story. Just faves.

Top 5 Lead Singers
1. Dave Gahan - Depeche Mode
2. Morrissey - The Smiths
3. Kurt Cobain - Nirvana/Dave Grohl - Foo Fighters
4. Art Alexakis - Everclear
5. Jeff Bebe - Stillwater - *ha!*

Just faves for today, cause you know I'm changing my mind the minute I post this...

If you wanna play - feel free to leave yours in the comments section...

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

I do yoga and pilates, do you think I'm satisfied?

Yum - fresh Advil for lunch. The office just bought a new boxfull....

I love Madonna.

It's the truth. I own every one of her albums, er...cds... and Truth or Dare is one of my most favorite movies.

Today is the release of "American Life." At first I wasn't feeling the "rap" - but hell, I can't help but love her. AND she's gonna be on Will & Grace this friday. Hello - when she says, "Your friend is so '8 Mile'" - I want to cry laughing.

At Target - the cd is only $9.99. I am going to buy it today, believe that yo.

Monday, April 21, 2003

Today's another day to find you...shying away

Why do I like Sondre Lerche?

Cause he's a cutie, and for his undying love for A-HA.

To quote him: "A-HA is as close to God as you can Norway."

That is comedy gold.

Phone before you come, I need to shave my chocha

Today I went with 30 Cent to Ticketmaster - or as she calls it: "Ticketbastards." We went cause she wanted to buy tickets to Coachella.

Coachella?? I thought she was a hardcore gangsta - but I guess she is just a hippie pothead.
Anyway - she gets her tickets and says,

"Hey - they charged me a $10 "convenience fee" per ticket! Those foo's are convienently chargin' my ass for pickin' up my own tickets...!"

Then we went to the market cause she wanted to buy chips. As we stood in the chip aisle, she was obviously upset at the minimal selection of chips cause she started screaming:
"Where da small bags at, goddamit!!"

I asked her why she was so angry and complain-y and she accused me of being "all up in her grill" and if I didn't "check myself before I wreck myself," she'd "bust a cap in my ass....yo."

She was serious about her CHIPS.

Sunday, April 20, 2003

Smoke two joints in the morning, I smoke two joints at night....

Today is Easter. My grandma's fave holiday cause she gets to eat HAM - which I personally hate. But the upside was we got King's Paradise Cake, yum -e .

So my brother and I are asking my grandma about how her weekend has been so far....

Bro: "What'd you do yesterday Gram?"
Gram: "Uncle took me to eat at HIGH LIFE."

**Note: This is a fast food restaurant. But the name f*ing has me rolling EVERY time I hear it.

So my brother and I are cracking up.

Bro: "HIGH LIFE...hahahahahahahaha"
Gram: "What's so funny about HIGH LIFE?"
Jenn: "You know, the doobs, joints, mary jane, pakalolo, ganja....POT."

(She turns to look at my brother...)

Gram: "Have you heard of HIGH LIFE?"

Bro: "I heard they have da "GOOD SHIT...."

By this time my brother and I are dying laughing....

Gram: "That place is always crowded, I don't know why..."

Jenn: "HA! Probably cause they are dealing the "GOOD SHIT" out the back!"

Gram: "I don't get why you two are laughing so hard...."

By this time she has moved on to talk to other people at the table.

My brother and I are still laughing.

The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.

What the hell is wrong with me. Usually I am more on the ball. I remember this movie being released and then not thinking about it ever again. There hasn’t been a movie in YEARS that I have truly given complete love and devotion to. Until tonight.

I saw Donnie Darko. The most amazing movie ever. And no, I’m not just saying that based on the fact that they used the song “Mad World,” in the closing sequence.

I was so incredibly moved by it I can’t even put it into words. When the credits began to roll I just…exhaled. Amazing.

Jake Gyllenhall was bloody brilliant.

Am I writing this because today is Easter? Because of rabbits? Who knows.
All I know is that if you don’t love this movie -- then I seriously “doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.”

Saturday, April 19, 2003

Martha Stewart eat your heart out

Today SKoG and I had craft day. I'd say the highlight of our day was the fact that we found an A&W Root Beer fast food joint (no Figgy, not THAT kind of joint...) - and got root beer floats. Yum-e!!

Besides that - we made cards - click on them to see them change ...

We also watched "What Not To Wear." Hello - that Fabio-looking mother trucker should not be tellin' ANYONE 'what not to wear', ya dig?

I told SKoG that WE should be the hosts of that show - but he said we'd be too mean, cause we'd start every makeover with, "Ok, first of all --your face is hideous..."

HA - the sad thing is, he's right.....


I like haricot verts, but f**, this is nasty.

SO---I just spent 5 minutes watching Kyle play Everquest. That is the dumbest freakin' game ever. All they do is run around kicking and stabbing giant beetles and angry badgers.

I'm gonna make my own game called "EverJENN". You have to run around and battle silverfishes, and geckos - and for energy you have to eat malted milk balls.

Friday, April 18, 2003

Stop f*ing swearing

Many people have asked me recently why - on the blog - I use asterisks instead of just writing out the whole word - cause in real life, yes - I do say all of those words - and yes, I do use them most often at work.

I swear like a sailor. It's horrible. Nouns, verbs, adjectives - that's just how I talk.

The answer is simple. I love asterisks. They are cute and pretty and very d*signer-y.

L*ve the -m*tha f*ing- ast*r*ks....

Thursday, April 17, 2003

It's the freakin' weekend, baby I'm 'bout to have me some fun...

Ok - so is R.Kelly trying to tell us that "Ignition" means "vag*na?"

I have written down ALL the cds I own. That way I won't buy duplicates - also I am in the process of replacing all my vinyl with cds. Today I am listening to non-stop Morrissey. Can I just say that BONA DRAG is surely one of the best albums ever?!?!?

I'm been coughing all day. I think 30 Cent gave me SARS.


Such things I do just to make myself more attractive to you...

UGH. Be still by *bleating* heart...Goat Girl stays...(mew mew, cry cry)

So I know alot of people didn't like "Bringing Down the House," (ahem...Mike P**m...) but I thought it was funny. One of my joys in life is to quote the movie lines to my 'short-term memory' husband.

Me: Do you like my dress?

Kyle: Uh, I guess, why?

Me: Cause I got it - from YO MAMA!!

Ha ha , I'm fun to live with, really I am -- no, really...

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

"PC Load Letter" - What the F*CK does that mean?

I am having a "PC LOAD LETTER" kind of day. You know in the movie Office Space when the printer gets jammed and gives some weird code that says, "PC LOAD LETTER." Believe it or not I've had that actually happen to me. And there's nothing you can do but beat the thing down with a baseball bat.

It's because machines hate me. My computer is f*ed - the plotter is f*ed - what is the deal??

I need to think happy thoughts.
Gimme your top 5 list for "Good Use of a Synthesizer" songs....I'll start you off -

1. "Perfect Kiss" - New Order
2. "Take On Me" - A-HA
3. "Everything Counts" - Depeche Mode
4. "I Ran" - Flock O' Seagulls
5. "West End Girls" - Pet shop boys

Tuesday, April 15, 2003

I'm SAR-y you're sick...

30 CENT has a cold.

I went to her desk and she had a bottle of cough syrup there - it's a generic brand. The label says, "TUSSIN." That cracked me up - it's like a ghetto Robitussin or something.

She was showing me the bottle and said,

"See, it's jus' "'TUSSIN" - (reading the label) - "Ingredients: No alchohol....GODDAMIT !!!!!!!!"

Ha. She is an alchoholic fool.

Monday, April 14, 2003

Soul, I hear you calling -Oh baby please -Give a little me!!

In my previous post about Martin Gore I failed to mention the most important fact that not only am I going with bRuiner, but I am also going with MIKE, who is my long lost twin in all things 80's.

Much apologies and big props!!...



Damn freakin' radio. Apparently you are only allowed to skip songs 5 times in a certain time period. Now I am stuck listening to Good Charlotte, i.e. - CRAP.

It's raining here. A LOT. I just wanna go home and watch Trading Spaces and eat popcorn. You know how it is when it's cold and rainy, you just wanna stay home and rest all cozy-like.

I made mini blueberry cheesecakes for work today cause 30 cent wanted them. I realize - I hate cheesecake. It's kind of gross - unless you drown the mo*f* in chocolate - a la Cheesecake Factory.

I went to the mall this weekend - a good looking pre-20's guy came up to me and asked me if I was "old enough to vote." I found this amusing since I am a few months from turning 30. He didn't have a clipboard or any kind of packets, I guess he was just asking. Weird. It was flattering ... yet dumb.

Sunday, April 13, 2003

My know each and every one

Not much would get me out of the house on a Tuesday night – with the exception of the return of Martin Gore! No, not Martin Guerre, silly – Martin Gore – singer, songwriter extraordinaire!

I am going with bRuiner (shoutout to the blog homies). Normally I wouldn’t hang with a Bruin but this is an exception. HA.

Thanks to the KROQ Street Team we pre-bought our tickets the day before open sales. It’s very exciting considering the last time we heard anything from him was “Counterfeit” way back in 1989.

Yay - I’m very happy today. That – AND I bought new shoes - YES, those are heels.

As long as he doesn't pick Carmen

I like monkeys - but this is F*ED UP.

Saturday, April 12, 2003

I know Kung Fu

33 days to go!!!!!

Maybe i should buy these to prepare...

Friday, April 11, 2003

AssSphincter said what?

nothing like a little promotion:

Thursday, April 10, 2003

Something evil is afoot at the Circle K

How is it possible that Satan is still on this show?

I have a migraine. It's horrible. You can't eat, sleep or even move. Let alone watch the end of Chasing Amy that tivo taped for you....I wanna crawl back into bed.

One happy thing, today I got tons and tons of packages. I love getting 'gifts' in the mail. Well - they're nto so much 'gifts' as they are things that I bought with my own credit card and had sent to myself. Still, it's nice to come home to a pile of good stuff.

First, I got my "chimp purse" which is very cute and of course, useful. Second - Figgy sent me the new People magazine with the one and only Jason Lee. Third I got some rubber stamps I ordered. Yay! Here's a picture of the cards I am making for Easter, click to see what you find when you lift the flaps...

Wednesday, April 09, 2003

I gots the bad englishs...

I don't feel pretty today. I don't mean "pretty" literally, I mean something's not right. I I almost fell down twice at work (just walking) and it's only 8 am. Maybe my heels are too high....

I was just telling Figgy that one of my biggest pet peeves is poor grammar. It seems like I have been getting a ton of emails lately with no English 'skillzzz' whatsoever. And no, I'm not talking about bad English on purpose (- see: all comments by '30 cent'). I'm talking about everyday chit chat. Written...poorly.

Speaking of "30," she was talking about making a "rap dictionary." Looks like someone beat her to it. Then I started thinking about other cities use of slang, such as Hawaii's pidgin and so forth - and what do you know, I found this - "Slanguage - Talk Like the Locals." Pretty funny - AND entertaining. I must admit I use the term "Behind the Orange Curtain" all the time....

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

"So basically - you just trace?"

Thank you TIVO. I would again like to reiterate the joys of TIVO. Yes it costs and arm and a leg, but jesus christ--I can input in the name "Jason Lee" and the m*therf*er tapes Chasing Amy for me just like that!!

Course it's on the Oxygen network which dubs over all the swearing. Bo-ring. But beggers can't be choosers.

So our office is gathering all these things to send to the troops overseas, toothbrushes, combs, razors. Whether you believe the war is right or wrong this much is true-- you gotta brush your teeth.

So I'm looking in my cabinet and there are like 15 toothbrushes - which is retarded only because I use an electric toothbrush. Where in the hell did these things come from? Ah, wait. Possibly from my many trips to the dentist.

Speaking of teeth, Skog used the Crest White Strips. Holy crap - after just two uses his teeth were like pearls! They were actually blinding me. Those things really work!

Monday, April 07, 2003

When will I - will I be famous?

The absolute best show on television right now is - "The Office" on BBC America. It is sort of a british "Office Space" but better. There are only 6 episodes - but anyone who works in an office will cherish every one. It's sick how funny this show really is.It airs Thursday night on BBC.

My love for all things British continues. ABFAB - easily one of my favorite tv shows of all time. British pop - don't even get me started. Speaking of British 80's- I used to be a Brosette. Does anyone even know what the hell that means nowadays, probably not. That’s a good thing. Basically it was a lover of the group BROS.

In the 80’s BROS was one of the biggest pop groups in England. BROS was twin brothers Matt and Luke Goss, and (yuck) Craig Logan. In the U.S. they were unknown. But when I was a teenie bopper I would go down to the local newsstand and purchase the newest edition of NME and pin up those pics all over my wall.

Being the true lover of British pop I loved Rick Astley and went to his concert – it was here that my friend and I first met and fell in love with Matt Goss. So in true underage groupie fashion, we stalked him! The only sign of them re-surfacing in the U.S. was when they opened for Debbie Gibson on her infamous Electric Youth Tour. So my friend and I got some scalped tickets, watched them do their opening act, then bailed before we were subjected to a Debbie's horrifying “Lost in Your Eyes.” We went to wait for them by the exit of the venue. It was so very, "it's all happening!" (Almost Famous.)

Anyway – after the concert ended and hours of waiting, we were rewarded, Matt came out, he remembered us and was extremely nice and friendly. Frankly I think he was amazed that anyone outside of London knew who the hell he was. And I think he felt darn sorry for these two teen old girls who were waiting in the cold for him. The point of this story you ask? There is none. It’s just that Figgy told me that Luke Goss is currently in the new Blade 2 movie AND that Matt is engaged to Daisy Fuentes. All that BROS talk it made me wistful for younger years….

Sunday, April 06, 2003


I used to do crafts as a business but I gave it up since I found myself overwhelmed - doing my regular 40 hour a week job - then coming home and working another 40 hours on top of that. It was too much. So I stopped. But my creativity is still flowing and I get bored VERY easily. So I do a bunch or projects around the house for no reason. This drives my husband crazy. Especially when I use him as inspiration. For instance - last Halloween when I took his high school photo and a carved a pumpkin of his face and left it lit up in the dark downstairs for when he came home from work. Let me just tell you - that is comedy.

So now and then, I'll be putting up my crafty projects on this blog for all to see.

They won't all be as funny as this one - but what the hell.

Friday, April 04, 2003

Can you pay my bills? Can you pay my telephone bills?
Can you pay my automo bills? If you did then maybe we could chill

HELLO? Is the HULK hitting on me??

It's a nightmare going away for a week and then having to go through all your mail. I've got nothing but bills. Bills, bills, bills, sing it Beyonce. How am I going to pay these damn things when my office won't give me my paycheck since I didn't do my timesheet on time?? Damn them.

The one saving grace is being able to open my new "Dial a Song - 20 Years of They Might Be Giants." Yes! I finally have "Don't Let's Start" on cd. Now I don't mourn the lost of my 12" single. "I don't want to live in this world anymore." Great lyrics from John and John. Maybe I loved this song so much cause I was going to major in existential philosophy in college. Instead I went with architecture. Oh well, sometimes we torture ourselves in different ways.

Still on the non-stop cd kick. Thirty Cent swears I should buy the new Snoop Dogg, but I don't know - I've had it up to here with the gin and juice. Although you can't deny the smooth sounds of Snoop mixed with a little Pharrell...



Nothing better on a friday afternoon than Tito's Tacos and an orange soda.


Thursday, April 03, 2003

Thank you Easter Bunny

Me: Hi Gram, how was the doctor?

Gram: “The doctor said I have to wait 2 weeks for the results”

Me: “Ha – what if you have SARS – Asian Flu! ha ha ha”

Gram: “Then I’d have to wear a mask when I go out. But I want a bunny rabbit one.”

Me: “What like a children’s mask??”

Gram: “I don’t like those surgical ones, they look weird out in public.”

ME: “Hello?? You don’t think walking the streets in a child’s bunny rabbit mask looks weird?”

Gram: “No – It’s for Easter of course.”

Wednesday, April 02, 2003

There's no place like home
We are back, arrived this morning at 5am. I'm exhausted. It's so nice and comfy to be home - where it's not HOT. I missed my comfy bed.

So - as I've said before, I have this phobia of polka dots. I totally freak when I see them - therefore I own no clothes with said pattern on them. Over our vacation I just realized that it's not polka dots so much as tight patterns of any kind.

When I was at my in laws - my mother in law gave me a dish to get food - there was a tight squiggly like pattern on it and I nearly fainted, it freaked me out so badly. I subtly put it back in the cupboard and got a nice plain dish instead. What the hell is wrong with me? There MUST be a name for this disease. ALL I know is that I have always felt this way as long as I can remember. In high school I would freak if my friend chose to wear polka dots. I just couldn't look at it - it made me nauseous.

Just thinking about it freaks me out - just looking at that stupid Carmen Miranda purse's headband is freaking me out.

What the hell am I rambling about? I think I have jet lag and should just lay down now...

Tuesday, April 01, 2003

Freaky item of the day:

Check this purse out! No I didn't buy it...