Friday, July 25, 2003

Come on girls, do you believe in love?

I spent most of this evening watching tv since I have a migraine and can't move.

I watched the damn funniest While You Were Out ever. Holy crap was that husband angry. I've never seen a homeowner more shocked and upset. I'm absolutely sure that's what my husband would do if I ever went on that show. It was hilarious. Again, Andrew Dan Jumbo fucked up more carpentry - that guy is worthless.

Then I saw the Top 20 of the Top 200 Pop Icons on VH-1. Madonna was #7. That's bullsh*t - she deserves to be number one or two.

So I've never seen the Bachelorette or the Bachelor - cause I don't watch any shows that have to do with dating - desperate people are pathetic - but the Bachelorette Trista Reyhn(?) was talking about her opinions of all these Pop Icons on the show. Who the hell cares what some two bit reality star thinks about Muhammed Ali?

Ugh. I'm turning the tv off.

Thursday, July 24, 2003

When I find myself in times of trouble Colonel Sanders comes to me

I love Paul McCartney. I love fried chicken.

So Paul McCartney wrote to the CEO of Kentucky Fried Chicken - aka KFC - as if leaving out the word "fried" will make us eat more of it - and asked him to find a more humane way of killiing their chickens.

What exactly does that mean? Are they going to give them little cups of tainted Kool-aid and wait til they pass out? That would be awesome.

Oh wait---now I get it....

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

Food for the Littles

My grandpa is going to the hospital on friday to have his esophogus opened - e--ew. Food can't get down there so he hasn't been eating. Too bad he doesn't like mini food like I do.

My brother bought some mini corn dogs - which I was skeptical of eating at first, then I found out they were made of turkey - which is a-ok. I just bought a bag of "baby Goldfish" from Pepperidge Farms, and I eyed a bag of mini Milano cookies. MINI!?! How exciting. If it's mini - I'll buy it...

Tuesday, July 22, 2003

Cut that hair!

That Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is a great show - but seriously - where do they find such hideous straight people? Good lord! And I can't believe that people actually live like such pigs - no wonder the makeovers are so miraculous they lived in such sh*tholes before! The guy on tonight's episode actually had tons and tons of trash thrown under his couch - i.e. half eaten food. Ugh.

If you don't have Bravo you can catch one of the best episodes on Thursday at 10 on NBC. Course, whenever you cut long hair you can always count on a dramatic result.

“When people say to me: would you rather be thought of as a funny man or a great boss? My answer’s always the same, to me, they’re not mutually exclusive.”

Well the day has finally come....I can no longer wear heels to work. My legs are just too tired nowadays. We have metal stairs at work and it's brutally exhausting for me to go up and down on them about 50 times a day. So sad. This is just one of the many downsides of pregnancy. I'm not really a tennis shoes kinda gal, but now I may have to be.

So in the past week we have hired 10 men, yes all men. And in our office we don't have separate bathrooms, we have single handicap stall unisex bathrooms. Explain to me how we have a handicap bathroom on the second floor of a building with no elevator - only stairs? Anyway, point is - with this new influx of men - the amount of POOPING in the bathroom is beyond control. It's as if men wait to come to work JUST to take a dump. It may be a generalization to say that women don't do such things unless in desperate situations, but how else can you explain the recent rash of streaks in ALL toilets? Yes I try to go to a different one to escape - but to no avail. As a pregnant women, I need to pee - a lot.

More problems at work, the guy who sits behind me - his cell phone keeps ringing -- LOUDLY. and when there's a voice message it beeps -- LOUDLY. I want to kick his fucking ass but he is no where to be found. Maybe he's in the bathroom...

Monday, July 21, 2003

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirate's life for me...

I saw the best movie this weekend - Pirates of Caribbean. It was alot better than I thought it would be. Orlando Bloom is awesome (swoon..) and Johnny Depp made the movie of course. I also liked the mini homage to certain parts of the ride, very funny.

The best and also most distracting part was the fact that Mackenzie Crook - Gareth Keenan from the best show on tv the Office - was a one eyed pirate. The whole movie I was like, that's no pirate, that's Gareth!

Gareth Keenan ---investigates!

Saturday, July 19, 2003

My Spidey senses were tingling

Today we went to the Comic Con down in San Diego - I was surprised how fun it was. I hadn't been there in over 10 years - I remember cause it was sometime back when Image was first beginning.

When we got there I couldn't even make it to the end of the line - it was so long there had to be at least 8000 - 10,000 people ahead of us. I wanted to give up and go home of course, but luckily Kyle's friend Paul was at the front of the line and got us in. Whew. Thanks Paul, there was no way I was waiting in line in the hot sun for 4 hours.

Of course the only reason I went down was to see Kevin Smith and I waited 2 hours to get into the room to see him, but it was so worth it. First they let us in early and so we got to see Angelina Jolie pimping Tomb Raider 2. I was amazed at how beautiful she was in person, I never really thought much of her. We watched her Q & A session and let's just say, lesbians love Angelina Jolie.

Kevin Smith was basically, well, exactly like the dvd "An Evening with Kevin Smith" - very funny, very honest. He talked about how people get angry at him for not getting his work out on time, etc. He also talked about how he watched the "Ben and Jen" Datelne special, and laughed....a lot.

It seems weird to me that most people there were dressed up like Anime characters or Sci-Fi people. Point one - the first guy I saw walking away from the parking structure was dressed up like Egon from Ghostbusters, his outfit looked exactly like it was from the movies, with that backpack thingie and all. What happened to the old days of Marvel and people's devotion to comics - it is a COMIC convention after all. Other spying people in weird outfits, it was just a lot of walking around. It was freaking amazing at how big the exhibit hall was - there were so many vendors it was impossible to walk through the room without being tired. Here are some things that were interesting:

1. A not so skinny guy dressed as NEO from the Matrix, man coat and all.
2. A very fit and very hairy, shirtless man who was dressed (?) as Wolverine but he used tin foil as claws.
3. A Philipino guy dressed like Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks
4. A bunch of people in Hogwarts school uniforms.
5. Oh and the pinnacle, I tell you it never fails, a man dressed as Sailor Moon - what up with that?

Friday, July 18, 2003

Oh no he din't!

Ugh - Kobe, you sick bastard. I'm so disappointed. My brother said there's no way an NBA player can deny a video hoochie, but I thought Kobe was one of the good ones. So sad.

If I was his wife I wouldn't stay with him but I guess it all comes down to the bling. How disappointing.

That's the hotness right there

The guy I sit next to at work LOVES air conditioning, be it summer or winter he turns that sh*t on full blast. I hate the heat but come on - I could go ice fishing in here.

Now the way my office works is a mechanical engineering nightmare. All the A/C controls are downstairs and there are four, yes FOUR, units. Each with their own controls of course. When it's hot upstairs, it's cold downstairs - and vice versa. You'd think an architecture firm would have a better system but typically - this is all we've got.

So everytime said co-worker gets a chance he runs downstairs and flicks all of the switches onto high. THis happens about 8 - 10 times a day. The minute he comes back up to his desk, I run downstairs and turn them all off. This goes on ALL day. I'm sure he wonders who's undermining him, little does he know I'm just jumping at the bit for him to make his move.

Thursday, July 17, 2003

It's getting hotter, it's our burning love

Vince Clarke is an evil genius. A musical god, if you will. ShaunnyJ let me borrow "Upstairs at Eric's" and I had forgotten how good it was! I never thought of Vince as annoying --but his work with the Olsen Twins may change my mind.

I loved Vince so much I remember taking my mini "Sylvanian Families" doll and tatooing "VINCE" across the back of his head. See, the baldness of the doll = Vince...never mind.

Anyway - here are my

Top 5 songs written by Mr. Vince Clarke.
5. Who needs love like that - Erasure
I just love this song cause it's from Andy and Vince's first album together - classic

4. Yahoo - Erasure
Every time i sing this song to Kyle he asks me if we're in church.

3. Situation - Yaz (Yazoo)
Ok - I have a special place in my heart for this song only because I used it to try out for Short Flags in high school. Stop laughing.

2. Only You - Yaz (Yazoo)
What the hell happened to Allison "ALF" Moyet anyway?

1. Just Can't Get Enough - Depeche Mode
what can i say, a classic.

I can't drive 55

Someone at work is eating Sugar Babies for breakfast - I envy her.

So I called my grandma to tell her that OLD peeps should not be driving. My brother claimed that when my Gram got her license renewed she memorized the eye chart to pass her test. Gram assured me it was not her - it was Auntie Tuck. Either way - that is wrong, so wrong.

Me: Gram someone should take your license away - did you see that old man kill those people yesterday?
Gram: Yeah, I shouldn't drive since I only have one eye you know.
Me: HELLO? You keep saying that -- what does that mean? Who are you Sammy Davis Junior? Seriously - you better hand over your license, OLD people are dangerous.
Gram: But how am I supposed to get anywhere? It's depressing.
Me: Damn the supermarket's a half a block away, just walk!
Gram: But how am I gonna carry my stuff?
Me: I'll buy you a basket so you can pull it - then people will think you're a crazy old bag lady.
Gram: I'd rather have a donkey. Get me a donkey so I can guide it.
Me: Uh - yeah, I'll get right on that.

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

Where exactly is the corner of Straight St. & Gay Street?

I've gotten a lot of emails about Queer Eye for the Straight Guy - Of course I TIVO'ed it, are you mad? That show is right up my alley. So I finally watched it today and it was fabulous.

I saw the one where they made over the scary mountain man - Butch - i.e. Ted Kazinsky's not so funny brother. He was very willing. You have to be really comfortable with your heterosexualilty to allow 5 gay men watch you undress. HA. Anyway - more than anything I'm shocked about the apartment. It was gorgeous. He truly lived in a total dump.

I love Carson cause he's the leader, but that Kyan is a cutie and I like his name. I also liked the food/wine expert who had a little Rivers Cuomo thing going.

Butch's art was amazing. I really loved the paper mosaics better than the portraits they showed. Tedious work that I can appreciate.

All in all, good show but if that guy is straight - he's never gonna keep up the cleanliness of that apartment on his own.

Driving with my eyes closed

Jesus christ!

I used to go to this midweek farmer's market every week. Now I only go on weekends, thank god.

This is why OLD people shouldn't drive...

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

I found Nemo

Yes I love Disney. Yes I got married at Disneyland. No I do not like Disney movies. I never have, I don't know why. First of all the mothers are always DEAD. What up with that? Secondly - they are really really depressing movies if you watch them from an adult's perspective. The only one I really liked was Mulan - maybe because she had both her parents and it was a strong story. The whole transvestite thing....hey it was a means to an end.

So I saw Finding Nemo this weekend and I'm serious - that was scary and depressing. So sad, so so sad. Maybe it was my fear of water and drowning. The animation was fantastic. I also can't stand how Pixar makes "humans" so grotesque and freak-showy. I know that's part of the story but it's horrible. That stupid girl is just like the neighbor kid from Toy Story.

The good thing was we saw it at the Arclight. Yay! I love assigned seating and I hate standing in line. Yeah it's a tad more expensive, but I loved it. And hey the parking was free! Nowadays in L.A. valet parking can go up to $40!!

Anyway, the Arclight has a lot of special events there where writers and actors and directors come and speak about their films. At the end of the month Stan Lee is coming by to talk about Spiderman. I 'd like to hear Stan Lee talk - but no way in hell am I gonna sit through 2 hours of Tobey Maguire's weak ass.

Monday, July 14, 2003

I've got the brains, you've got the looks. let's make lots of money

"Sometimes you're better off dead with a gun in your hand that's pointing to your head." - Pet Shop Boys
Yes this pretty much sums up my day at work. Did I mention I hate work? Anyway - one good thing is I finally have brought some cds to load into my realplayer.

"Please" - Pet Shop Boys
"Release" - Pet Shop Boys
"Have you Fed the Fish" - Badly Drawn Boy
"Republic" - New Order
"Swing Out Sister" - It's Better to Travel

Something that will always make a better work day is GIFTS. GIFTS GALORE. In my dream world I would get a gift everyday. That being said I also want to thank, thank, thank those that sent me some lovely baby gifts. Yay! Thanks to GG, MC Danny G and B.C.Kevin. Although B.C.Kevin's gifts weren't for the baby - I'm sure the baby is happy to be listening to Pet Shop Boys all day long. I know I am.
Also thanks to 30 Cent for the scary lychee fruit. I'm scared to eat it - it's still sitting next to me staring me down.....

Sunday, July 13, 2003

I scream you scream we all scream for CURRY

Today for dinner we ate take out from Curry House. When we went to pick up the food there were signs everywhere for a photo contest where you send in pictures of you or your family enjoying curry.

My favorite photo subject is my brother - so we bounced around a few ideas. My brother wanted to dress up like a giant carrot and have me photoshop him into a bowl of curry. Uh - I didn't care for that idea plus where the hell was I going to get a giant carrot suit? Next idea was him sitting with his arms around two chicks in a hot tub - filled with curry. Again I vetoed this idea. Hello this is a family restaurant. So I opted for the old standby. Basically me taking pictures of him eating. I must have a million of these but they always crack me up.

So here's our entry. I hope we win.

Saturday, July 12, 2003

I call that my kung pow chicken
Against my better judgement, we rented Shanghai Nights, and Owen Wilson didn't disappoint. He totally sucked. His stupid tag lines and weird warbly voice permeated the movie. Goddam that guy is horrible.

The movie had some (SOME) good action scenes, but ugh - it was excruciating to watch. And the bad thing is I slept through the big finale. Grr! All that for nothing. Oh well. It was either that or Phone Booth and I don't think I could stand to see a guy on the phone for two hours while Kiefer Sutherland verbally threatened him.

Yikes this is starting to sound like a crap review....

Friday, July 11, 2003

Stampin' fool

Well it's that time of year again - the Rubber Stamp Convention is in town! This year Skog & xTina and I are going but it's gonna be a very short jaunt. Mostly because we know what we want - but also because we are on a time crunch. When we shop together it's pretty smooth - since we know what each other wants and we move pretty quickly.

As someone asked me, "Aren't there just a bunch of old housewives there?" Yeah, that's pretty accurate. We are definitely some of the younger people there. The good thing is - most of the crowd goes for that "countryfied" style of stamps (Think Frank from Trading Spaces) while we look for more of the modern artsy ones. So there is plenty of elbow room.

I am always looking for stamps of women, usually doing crazy things like crying or cursing - basically stamps of myself. Or stamps of women looking fabulous. We'll see what I find this time.

Thursday, July 10, 2003

I'm a slave...for cake

Alright. This is old news but since people keep bringing it to my attention, here goes. Britney had sex. Big f*ing deal. We all knew you did it you skank, why you gotta lie? That's not even the issue. The thing is she only did it with Justin because she thought "he was the one." Well, then why did she cheat on him? You know you did, girl....

Anyway. There are more important things going on in the world. Like Jack Osbourne's addiction. I like Jack, he cracks me up. But is there a rehab for eating cake, cause that guy's huge. Figgy said that he od'ed....on bacon.

Please please tell me now

Well I got a new computer at work and I have no music on it since my real player got wiped out. The only cd loaded on it right now is Duran Duran "Decade."

Now I am listening to Duran Duran all day. While I love it, now I'm a bit sick of it. You can only listen to Simon's wailing for so long.

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

I'm so excited.
Well, well, well. Can I pick 'em or what. Elyse was outta there in the first round. Darn it!!! I never pick to win - only to place or show. Poo. She was too smart for her own good and we all know that being smart is wrong and intimidating!!

Oh well, Adrianne deserved to be America's Next Top Model anyway. She really wanted it. And I'm glad she won over Shannon aka "the TEETH". Although Shannon did way better once that beyotch left.

Now what am I going to watch??

Tuesday, July 08, 2003

we're too busy singing, to put anybody down

I woke up in a GREAT mood. Amazing. Course then I went to the post office and this woman ahead of me was a complete b*tch. I wanted to tell her "Stop ruining my good day you skanky ho," but I didn't, and merrily went along with my good day.

When I got to work I was going to tell my co-worker that he looked nice today - but then thought better of it. I figure - they've known I'm an angry monkey for 5 years, why ruin the myth by passing out compliments?

Speaking of monkeys, my new best friend beaucoupKevin has a cute pic of monkey drinking a soda. Aw, monkeys love soda.

Monday, July 07, 2003

I've had the time of my life

Well, I was watching "I love the 80's" on Vh-1 again, and not just cause I think Hal Sparks is cute.

Anyway, they were talking about "Dirty Dancing" - i.e. "Nobody puts baby in the corner." One of the people they interviewed was Lea Thompson (Miss Lorraine McFly if you're nasty) said she thought it was really interesting that Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze were playing a couple in love cause when they all worked together on Red Dawn, Jennifer and Patrick HATED each other. Who knew?

For your listening pleasure click here.
I should tell Sloane Petersen about this....

Say it ain't so, Kobe.

I just can't believe it. He's the GOOD one! Sometimes these crazy ho-s try and get their bling on and when the b*baller won't pay - they just make these stories up. Granted MOST of those idiots actually do the nasty with those chicks, but Kobe? I don't see it.

I don't think he did it. Course as my brother just pointed out, we thought Magic was the good one too....
Take my breath away

I am stressed out. Stressed out like there's no tomorrow. Or, er, stressed out like there is a tomorrow and there's a deadline on that day and the world will collapse if I don't get to the finish line. Ho hum. Work is stressing me out - life is stressing me out. Crazy.

I guess that's why Ihad a nightmare that some long pointy fingered alien was trying to kill me and as I was screaming for Kyle to help me it was stealing my breath and I was dying. Either that or I shouldn't eat chinese food late at night....

Sunday, July 06, 2003

Finger LIckin' Good
Today we went to Sunday Brunch at the Knott's Berry Farm Chicken Dinner Restaurant. Actually it wasn't at the Restaurant - it's behind in the Courtyard. It was yum--e! I ate 4 chicken wings! Although I'm sure I shouldn't be eating anything fried, it was damn good. It's a nice place to go for brunch. There's breakfast things, and omlette station, dessert bar, and of course lots of Mrs. Knott's Famous Fried Chicken.

I suggest you go to the restaurant for dinner - that's good stuff - just don't go on a holiday weekend. People actually stand in line for hours! That's some chicken.

Out of control

My hairdryer broke last night. This is not a good thing. My hair looks like a nightmare. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to go to work - I could just wear a hat. Seriously, this is a bad thing.

Friday, July 04, 2003

Well happy freakin' fourth of July. I am home alone cause my husband is down at the anime convention in Anaheim. Secretly I want to go just to get the hell out of the house. Oh--speaking of, one place I really do want to go, the San Diego comic-con - cause I hear Mr. Kevin Smith will be appearing!!!

Anyway - I am angry. I am a pregnant woman who just wants some guacomole. So I drive to Chipotle, or as I like to call it Chipoodle - and brave the crazies for parking cause it's right on the beach. Hello - I'm a moron for going to the beach on the fourth of July - but as I said, I wants me some guacomole. So I park in an illegal spot and race it down to the Chipotle. Hello - the damn place shut down. I shoulda noticed before I parked the freakin' car.

Cut to me hightailing it to the other Chipotle a couple of miles away. I pull up - it's closed cause of the holiday. Goddamit, is there no justice???!!!

So I walk across the way to a McDonald's mind you the smell of fried beef is seriously re-activating my morning sickness, and I order a Caramel sundae. All I want is a carmel sundae with nuts. "Sorry ma'am, no nuts." Good lord. This is the worst holiday ever.

I think I'm gonna make Kyle take me with him to the anime convention tomorrow. Nothing like watching fat men in Sailor Moon outfits to make your life seem a little bit brighter. And if you're reading this bRuiner - don't even tell me you went dressed up like Ruoruoni Kenshin - cause that's so played out....

Cruel, cruel summer...

It's hot! HOT - HOT - HOT! Dammit, dammit, dammit!!!

Thursday, July 03, 2003

Nobody puts baby in the corner

Living with my brother has been fun. He is the KING of movie quotes - all others shall be put to shame. He comes up with sh*t you can't even remember. The good thing is whenever I say a movie quote he knows exactly what I'm talking about.

example 1:
Kyle: We should have porkchops for dinner.
Me: Yeah, "Porkchops and applesauce..."
My brother and I laugh as Kyle stares at us blankly.

example 2:
Getting out of the car - we are in a "15 minutes only" parking space
Me: Ok - let's go - "Run for it Marty!"

example 3:
Me: I need batteries.
Bro: "I said D, M*therf*er, D"

The ones he comes up with are way more obscure than that. His memory is like a steel trap. If only he'd use his power for good, not evil....

Saving Ryan's Privates

My brother is absolutely determined to finish Harry Potter #5 in two days. And by God he did it - 500 pages yesterday - 400 today. I haven't read it yet. Harry's growing up so fast.

Me: Harry is supposedly more "adult" now, girlfriend and all - what does that mean, he has sex??
Bro: Yeah, that's why they call it "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's BONE."

Gross. But that reminded me of when I used to work at the Wherehouse. People used to return their rentals at the cashier and you'd see some funny ass names of the porn tapes such as: Forest Hump, Edward Penishands, Romancing the Bone.


Tuesday, July 01, 2003

Ladies with an attitude, fellas that were in the mood

Did you watch "America's Next Top Model" last night? Don't tell me you didn't watch it!

Praise Jesus. They voted Robin off. Maybe she should've prayed to God to make her be less of a bitch. Don't ask me about Adrianne and her lesbian tendencies. All I know is next week she put on lingerie and jumps on top of Elyse in bed.

Those nude scenes were pretty nasty - but isn't that their job? What I don't get about shows like this is - these people are supposedly "persuing a dream" and will do "anything" to get there. But when they are challenged they always refuse. Much like the episode of Making the Band 2 when P. Diddy made them WALK to Brooklyn from Manhattan to buy him cheesecake. You know how far that is?? Crazy far - but I'm sure people woulda lined up to do it to be famous. Yet these kids whined the whole time. That show is ridiculous and I won't be watching any more of them.

I'm getting pretty sick of America's Next Top Model too - thank God the last episode is next week. Now it's down to my fave: Elyse - and Kyle's fave Adrianne. I don't count Shannon cause she doesn't stand a chance. I have a feeling Adrianne "I have only one emotion" Curry, will be the winner. I also noticed during the beer commercial in the break that much like Adrianne - Kiefer Sutherland's voice also has one emotion. That of complete ennui.

So my grandma came over on Sunday for dinner. As usual - armed with useless pictures that we recently took at the funeral, of all places. She went up to my brother and said...

GRAM: I have some pictures here. Want to see them?

10 seconds later.

GRAM: Hey - there are some photos here.

No one responds.

10 seconds later - walking up to my brother for the third time -

GRAM: Marky - there are some pictures here of you. Wanna see them?
BRO: I said NO.
GRAM: ....Some are nice and some are ugly.
ME: Haaaaa that is the rudest goddam thing I've ever heard!
BRO: God! I definitely don't want to see them now.
ME: Grandma you're so freakin' rude - show me his the ugly ones!
GRAM: Nah I was just joking - they're all nice of you Mark.
BRO: In case you didn't hear me the first time: I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY PICTURES.