Friday, October 31, 2003

Bite Me
Anthropologie is now carrying the Nigella line of cooking accessories! That is awesome cause the mixing bowls she designed - I have been looking for forever! Not that I don't already have three sets of mixing bowls - but these are oval, you see....

Thursday, October 30, 2003

Working class dog
Working 15 hours when you're pregnant - not recommended. I started at 7:30am and it's now 10:30pm and I just got home. I'm a litttle tired to say the least.

The new person who sits next to me is CRAZY - straight up nuts. She is mean and makes horrid loud sighing noises. She also takes up all of our shared desk so that she can draw by hand. Now there's nothing wrong with drawing by hand - except that the shit she draws is just lines. It took her 6 hours to draw one thing yesterday - soemthing I could've done inthe computer in like an hour. Retarded. What next she's gonna ask for a ROTARY PHONE??

She also has a new computer and doesn't know ho to turn it on - lame. When the tech guy comes to help her out and explains to her how to "save" a file she says, loudly and rudely - "I don't understand your LINGO." I almost spit out my water that is hilarious - that is my new fave line.

All this and a 15 hour day culminates with me driving home and seeing my lesbian high school gym teacher standing on the corner waiting to cross the street. Weird.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Cream of crap - update
So I emailed the Kraft Corporation - the f*ers who make cream of wheat and told them I was pissed off at my lack of cream of wheat due to their crapppy production and they are sending me a reimbursement for my purchase in the mail. Ha. I already got a reimbursement from gelsons. Cream of Wheat for life woulda been nice - but I'll take the $4. Sweet justice. Literally.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Cream of crap
F*ck you Cream of Wheat man. So I went to Gelsons to avoid the grocery strike - big mistake. All I wanted was some goddam cream of wheat.

So I bought it - went back to work - and opened the box and every single package was slit open! I was so pissed - cereal was all over my f*ing desk. So I went BACK to Gelsons to return it and it turns out EVERY SINGLE BOX of Cream of Wheat was like that. So they took all of them off the shelves. Son of a b*tch. What does a pregnant woman have to do to get some Cream of Wheat around here? I'm writing a letter to the Cream of Wheat company to complain about their shotty packaging. Why? Because I can...

These dreams go on when I close my eyes
So I have this dream - I'd say I've had it 5 times in my life - the same exact dream. I'm in high school - and I'm going to Math class - yet - I haven't been all semester and that day is the final. And I'm thinking to myself - how is this possible - I'll never be able to pass. Then I go downstairs to my locker and I can't remember the combination for the life of me. I search in my backpack in case I wrote it down but I can't find it. I wake up panicked.

I swear to you I've had this exact dream so many times It drives me nuts. Then Kyle tells me that his co-workers were talking about this exact same thing last week. What the hell is going on?

I remember it was always Math class in my dream cause my teacher's name was Mr. Lester. My brother always called him Moe.

Sunday, October 26, 2003

Happy Halloween!
I love Halloween cause I love candy - BUT - I will be one of those rude people who does not open their doors and shuts off their light. Sorry kids, you're out of luck.

But every year I do pumpkin carving, it's the artist in me - I like a challenge. Last year I did Kyle's face - this year I did mine! Don't we make quite the pumpkin headed couple? Yeah, yeah in real life my head is enormous compared to his - but hey - it's art - not reality. Next year, the baby....

Saturday, October 25, 2003

Celebrity Skin
We have had a few celebrity sightings this weekend for some reason. More than usual. I took my in-laws to Trader Joes - I usually do all my shopping there anyway - but since this damn grocery strike it's PACKED now. Hello, I just want to get my guacamole on. Anyway - in line behind us was Michelle Kwan - the ice skater. This is like the second time I've seen her at Trader Joes, we must be on the same marketing schedule. Kyle's dad recognized her right away and was talking to her. Meanwhile Kyle's mom was looking at her and said, "You look familiar, do I know you?" and Michelle was like, 'No...." and Kyle's dad was like "YES! That's Michelle!" and this is hilarious - Kyle's mom said to her, "No, you look like my neighbor's daughter." hahah That was comedy. I took her aside later and said, "Uh - you DO know who she is - she's that ice skater you see on tv all the time." Hilarious.

Then Rusty came over today after his workout and said he saw THE ROCK at the gym. Interesting. I wonder if you can "smell" what he's cooking.

Video killed the radio star
This is sad. My fave morning show - well - afternoon show in the U.K. - The Chris Moyles Show - is moving to mornings! And mornings in the U.K. is 11pm over here. Ugh. How am I going to get through my workday now?? Nothing like internet radio to kill a day a work. Read about the swap here.

With the baby due in January maybe I'll be up all night anyway and be able to catch the show. Ho hum.

Meanwhile - it's 4am and I can't sleep for the life of me. So I'm listening to BBC Radio 1 - the Colin and Edith show - which I have never been able to catch - given the time. Maybe I'll just have to adjust my sleep schedule....

Thursday, October 23, 2003

Juices flowin'
Yay. I love all things mini so finally - now a mini Jamba Juice. No more having to get one and split it into two.

And today - if you dontate $1 - you get to try the mini for free!

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

Cha cha boochie
Oh my god. That trailer for ELF - when Wil Ferrel screams "SANTA!!!!!!!" makes me freakin' laugh out loud. And those tights! HA!

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Somewhere Corey Feldman is weeping...

Well, Surreal Life two has already begun filming and the people Figgy and I wanted in there didn't make it. I guess Lance Bass was too busy in space. BUT - TrAshelle from Real World Las Vegas will be there as will Erik Estrada. Still, even tho I dig Ponch, I doubt I'll watch - I'll probably just get the recaps from Figgy - but I think she's most excited about Vanilla Ice....

Monday, October 20, 2003

Food glorious food
I'm gonna...vomit...That Gauntlet tonight was SICK! I love ice cream but 15 people eating out of the same bowl with snot and spit hanging off their face - I couldn't even watch it.

Something else that makes me sick - goddam Donovan McNabb, why is that fool ALWAYS on tv. It's not the Rush Limbaugh thing - it's the fact that I am sick of Chunky Soup commercials on tv - on the radio - ugh. I wish these atheletes would just play and not try and sell me shit. More than that - Chunky Soup looks like crap - look at the sodium alone!? I mean damn it's half of the recommended sodium daily intake!!

Maybe it's because i'm pregnant but suddenly i'm a freak magnet. I'm standing in line at the mall to get some food and this lady - who is obviously off, or a little slow or something - comes up to me and is all, "Are you having a baby?" At this point I should've just said "NO." and left it at that. That would've been funnier since I am way to big to not be pregnant. Anyway, I said "Yes," and then she pauses, "What is it?" I was like ugh, "A boy." PAUSE. "Is that what your husband wanted?" Again, I'm like, thinking, is this b*tch gonna drag me into the Gap and cut me and steal my baby - what's with the freakishly long 20 questions? Me: "Yes." PAUSE. This tiime the pause is so long I figure this conversation is over. But no. Crazy Lady: "Do you own your own home?" Just as I was about to scream at her, I was like "HEY- that line's open!" and I pointed to the other line and moved away. It wouldn't have been so bad if she didn't have "crazy eyes" and didn't smile once when she was talking to me. Goddam freaks.

Saturday, October 18, 2003

I forget who told me this - but Julie Dreyfus - who plays Sofie Fatale in Kill Bill, Volume 1 - was a guest on Iron Chef in Battle Corn. It's true.

Friday, October 17, 2003

Going once...
Well, i tried to bid on this Oprah Chanel sweater. Hello, it's Chanel. You have to be pre-qualified to bid so screw that. By the time I get qualified I'm sure the price will be unreachable.

Thursday, October 16, 2003

Jockin' da bitches slappin' the ho-s
Does no one but me find it completely hilarious that Northwest Airlines has changed their name to NWA?

Maybe Dr. Dre would find it funny.

Underneath your clothes
I normally don't comment on these things but I gotta say - what is up with all the "stuff" they are finding in the Kobe accuser's underwear? Yeesh. It's like a damn magician's hat with the stuff they are finding.

from the L.A. Times:
• Pubic hair samples from the woman, Winters said, also turned up hairs from a white person that could not have come from Bryant, who is black.

First of all, thanks for clarifying that Kobe is black. Secondly, I am a germophobe and am intent on cleaning everything immediately after it is soiled. If a crumb falls on my shirt I throw it in the washer. So the fact that they are finding "things" in this chick's undies makes me nauseous. Figgy said they found Jimmy Hoffa in there.

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

30 Cent asked me if I saw the "Simpsons" yesterday. I was like, I thought that show was on Sundays? Plus I haven't seen it for years. Turns out that's her new nickname for Nick and Jessica's Newlyweds. The Simpsons. Ha - classic.

Speaking of TV I can barely stomach, I don't watch Angel and for some reason this season I am intrigued. That being said, I'd still rather read Strega's television without pity recaps than sit through that crap.

And - as I suspected, I am hooked on RR/RW The Gauntlet - oh yeah - good stuff. And when Trashelle crashed her bike - holy crap two black eyes? She looked pimp slapped. All I know is Real World is getting their ass kicked. And why they thought Steve was "weak" and sent him to the Gauntlet I have no idea. But he was the one who invented that whole point system thing - so whatever. I tried to get Figgy to read the cast member recaps - but she has less of a tolerance for "bad englishes" than I do, so she's out of luck.

The Donger needs food
What? Why mess with a classic, I say.

They are making a Sixteen Candles Sequel. Ugh. I say go balls out and just use the same ENTIRE cast. This is bad, this is all bad.

Monday, October 13, 2003

Burger Time
Since I am staying away from ground beef until after the baby is born, I will have to wait to eat an In & Out Burger. And it seems everyone around me is eating them. They smell so good. That is supposedly one of the best companies to work for because just being a store manager can get you over $60K a year. Not bad for slinging burgers.

I always found it interesting that they put religious sayings on their wrappers - much like how Chick-Fil-A closes on Sundays...Anyway - I always knew In & Out had a secret menu - but I never knew what it was. This guy put up a website about it.

I think I will have to venture over there and order me a "Grilled Cheese." I'll still get all the tasty goodness without the meat.

"Animal Style" - bun is grilled with mustard, sauteed onions instead of raw, pickles, extra "special sauce"
"Wish Burger" - no meat, i.e. veggie burger

"Protein Style" - lettuce wrapped around the burger instead of a bun for all of you who are in "The Zone"

"Old Fashioned Style" - ketchup and mustard instead of the weird special sauce

"Flying Dutchman" - two meat patties with two slices of cheese. that's it.

"Double Meat" - Double Double without cheese

"4x4" - 4 meat patties with 4 slices of cheese. Are you SURE you can eat that?

"2x4" - 2 meat patties with 4 slices of cheese for the fromage afficionado

"Grilled Cheese" - cheeseburger, sans meat

"Fries - well done" - get your fries extra crispy and brown the way you like them!

"Choco-Vanilla Swirl Shake" - just what it sounds like

"Neopolitan Shake" - a blend of chocolate, vanilla and strawberry shakes.

I dreamt I was surfer joe, what that means, I don't know.
This grocery strike is killing me. Ha. In an effort to support them I decided to go to Gelsons today - which - hello - is completely overpriced. Everything is like $3 more than any other market.

So I go there at lunch and it is PACKED. Usually there are like two check stands open and no one in the aisles. Today every checkstand was open and it was a total nightmare. Not only than the one cheap thing they have is their salad bar. So I go up there and it's EMPTY - nada, zip, no lettuce. Good lord. So in a hurry, I grab a pre-made Wolfgang Puck salad, only to get rung up at $7.50. $7.50 for a box of cabbage. Nice.

So I'm pretty pissed off. Not only that I have been having crazy ass dreams lately and not sleeping at all at night. So I'm dead tired now, AND it's a holiday and I just want to go home and do nothing. I should go on strike.

Saturday, October 11, 2003

Wiggle your big toe.
I saw Kill Bill this weekend. I thought it was great. Yes, incredibly bloody - but by the time you get through it - it becomes almost comical. QT's visual and imagery and references were fantastic. I can't wait for part 2.

Originally he filmed so much footage he wanted to release it as a 5 hour movie and honestly - I probably would've sat there for all 5 hours of it. I also have a new respect for Uma Thurman, and not just because she's divorcing her no good cheating snaggletooth husband. SHe filmed that movie just after having a baby and breastfed in between takes. I have no idea how she did it since it was such an exhausting movie which of course she is the total center of.

I'm sure a review will be up soon....

Friday, October 10, 2003

I'm going to get Ace & Gary!
Aw. The HULK shut down his blog. What is this world coming to?

So I was watching VH-1's Goes Inside Prime Time Cartoons. Damn that was a good show. It basically covered everything on Adult Swim - which is some funny sh*t you should definitely catch. I have been a long time fan of Sealab, Samurai Jack and such - but mostly I have a warm place in my heart for Ambiguously Gay Duo - that is fricken hilarious. They just don't show it enough on SNL.

Speaking of SNL - Justin Timberlake is hosting this weekend - whohoo!

Thursday, October 09, 2003

Trash Can Sinatras
When we got married my husband was terrified of me taking his last name since I am the queen of complaints and various agencies throughout the city have no doubt banned me from their services.

I called my trash company to deliver new trash cans cause ours were disgusting and old. They immediately sent over 3 replacements, plus 3 that were the wrong size. I instructed my neighbors to put the old ones and the extra ones in front of our complex, for the trash people to pick up. They never did.

A week went by and I called them to remind them. Two days go by. I call, no pick up. By now I am livid and I call 2 times in one day - they assure me there's no way it wil be there when I get home from work. I come home, what do I see, trash cans. That's it. Now I'm f*ing pissed. I give them one more call and threaten them. This may be unwise considering watching the Sopranos where a trash company really isn't a trash company. I'm just saying.

Basically I told them if they didn't pick up their goddam trash cans I was going to throw them in the bushes across the street and they can come and get them at any time.

It's not like I just got outraged on the spot - it built up. To orchestrate the pick up - with the neighbors all up in my grill too, it was too much. Not to mention that being pregnant I really don't want to be moving around heavy items if I didn't have to. The first image of pregnancy ingrained in my brain was in Rocky, when Adrienne was pregnant and working in the pet store and moving that heavy ass bag of bird seed and then starting going in to early labor. It made me think - if I ever get pregnant, I'm not moving shit. Moral of the story. Dont mess with a pregnant woman who can barely lift anything.

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

Leavin' on a jet plane
I have been looking for baby names for months now. But Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee, I dunno. That's what Jason Lee named his son. NICE.

Speaking of Mr. Lee, my tivo'ed ever so kindly taped a collection of Jason Lee movies for me, including Stealing Harvard and Heartbreakers. Heartbreakers wasn't that bad, mostly focusing on Jennifer Love Hewitt's boobs, but Jason Lee was so sweet. Course it wasn't a big stretch in the acting department, but hey, it's entertainment.

Pilot? Or I could just name my kid WELCOME.

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Have you ever taken a man from behind in his hole?

It's here! Next week Sunday is the season premiere of the best series on tv - BBC's The Office - second season! Sure - they're on their third and final season overseas, but we have to wait. Oh well. The good thing is series creator Ricky Gervais aka David Brent will be on Letterman tonight! And those lucky few of you who live in New York can go see him promote the first season dvd at the Virgin Megastore! Man, I wish I was there. That's where Figgy and I saw Rick Springfield.

Anyway - if you have BBC America, be sure to watch the season opener next week - not to be missed!!

Recall all the old people

i hate old people. i called grandma just to tell her that too.

against better judgement i did not vote absentee and went to the polling place this morning. the people working there were old and some were stupid. this one woman in her 90's was complaining the whole time about taking her break for dinner. hello it's 7am. she was arguing so much with the other workers that they weren't even registering people - they were just arguing. there were 9 polling stalls open and two were being used. they couldn't find out names in the register and they couldn't hear each other re-check the names.

when it came to my turn i just grabbed the register from their hands and looked the shit up myself. i also saw the old lady accidently tear up someone's ballot - so that person had to vote again - hello - moron.

my grandma used to volunteer to work at the polling place except she is a highly capable and attentive person - for her age she is pretty damn sharp - unlike these fogies. so i called her to tell her how dumb these people are.

me: hey gram - i'm calling to tell you that old people are stupid.
gram: oh? i'm one of them you know.
me: no - you're not a moron. i went to vote this morning and those idiots were screwing everything up and it took me over an hour!
gram: you know they get paid $55 a day.
me: what?? god that's worse!
gram: it's all old people or jobless people. they don't pick the capable people cause they're too busy.
me: god that's just like the jury system.
gram: well, you should forgive them, they can't help it.
me: old people are dumb.
gram: you're gonna be old someday too
me: i plan to kill myself before then. in fact i think i will kill myself tomorrow so i can just nip it in the bud.
gram: well, try and have a good day anyway, think good how you're going to kill yourself tomorrow.

Monday, October 06, 2003

Shower me with your love
I had a baby shower this weekend. Showers are always fun, lots of food - lots of gifts. The thing about being pregnant is - people always tell you "how great you look." That's nice and all - but it just reinforces the fact that I don't look like I normally do. Like they're saying you look great for a fat person. Nice.

Speaking of - none of my clothes fit anymore. More clothes shopping...

Thursday, October 02, 2003

Mo Money, Mo Problems
Ok first of all, how grammatically wrong can one paragraph be? Secondly - P.Diddy making them walk for cheesecake was some good tv.

"They on the same label as us," Babs added. "A lot of people are jealous they didn't walk for cheesecake. Cheesecake put paper in our pocket. All the hate and all the joking, it's all good. That just showed me they watched the show and they made our ratings high. They making us get the third season. So we cheesecake all day. Cheesecake!"