If I'm gonna tell it, then I gotta tell it all

I gotta confess. There are some things that I just don't like. And it seems, most of those things everyone BUT me enjoys...

1. Candles
Don't ask me why, but they do nothing for me. Forget the smell, forget the pretty colors, they just waste my space.

2. Birds
Don't get me started. Me and Colonel Sanders go way back.

3. Strawberry flavored anything
Strawberries, I like. Strawberry flavoring...I'll be over here, gagging.

4. Maroon 5
It's like the second coming of Jesus or something with these people. I'm not buying it.

5. Gnomes
Except for this Gnome, they can take their pointy hats and shove it.

6. Cheesecake
I think it's the texture. Sure I can eat a few bites if you smother it to death with other sugary things, but otherwise, go find me some coffee ice cream. Thanks.

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Dressed up like a million dollar trouper...

How dumb am I? Don't answer that.

Even after Leslie emailed me - warning me that Tito's Tacos was closed, I still went there. See, I don't listen.

I drove up, only to see the "closed for re-flooring" sign on the window. I dropped to my knees and screamed at the Taco Gods for cursing me. Well, maybe that last part didn't happen, but I was still pissed.

I drove all that way for "crack-tacos" and got nothing.
I feel so unsatisfied.

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my eyes have been so red.......i've been mistaken for dead

Here's what happens when you don't eat for two days straight and go on a strict diet of Dayquil & Ginger Ale. 1)You look heroin chic 2)You become loopy.

Last night my father-in-law asked me, "What was the name of that lady, the one who plays Wonder Woman on the tv show?" I drew a blank. This spells trouble since I know a lot of useless things AND I love Wonder Woman.

So I went to bed, and when I woke up in the morning, I started at the clock and my mind registered: "7:17 am - Linda Carter." I jumped out of bed and ran to tell my father-in-law. He gave me a "who cares, good for you" look. This is good. It means my mind is working again and soon all my useless popculture knowledge will be rebooted to my brain.

Moral of the story: Stay off the drugs, kids.

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9 sick days. I'm going to have to barf up a lung.

Kyle went to Vegas and all I got was this lousy cold.

It sucks being a mom cause even when you're sick you still have to take care of another human. Since I lost my voice, I haven't been able to speak the kid. I wonder if he thinks he's deaf? It's like Helen Keller's house up in here. Being sick blows, and it's even more depressing when you're home alone. I need someone to take care of me and make me feel well.

I think I'll just cough all over Kyle's side of the bed.
There. That's better.

more than a feeling

My mom went to Boston last month. For a highly educated intelligent woman...sometimes I am forced into an eye roll....

Me: "How was Boston, cold?"

Mom: "It was great. I had clam chowder, isn't it weird that they DON'T call it "Boston Clam Chowder,"...just clam chowder."

Me: "Why the hell is that weird, you're IN Boston for god's sakes. If you went to China, I highly doubt you'd go out for "Chinese food," they would just call it FOOD."

Mom: "Oh."

Start eyeroll now...

I am thin and gorgeous

Well, I feel that way anyway. And not for the right reasons of course. I lost 5 pounds last week, from stress and sickness. But I do look Absolutely Fabulous.

Not for nothing, we've been eating like mad lately, and eating is not one of my fave past-times. But with houseguest here we must hit every restaurant in town, seeing as he only visits once every 5 years.

Apparently they don't have IHOP in Hawaii, so that was the breakfast stop. And, while I personally don't eat sushi, they went out and found the best sushi restaurant in Los Angeles, so they say. Maybe I shouldn't say the name since it may be overrun with all of you mad raw fish eaters.

Now it's off to Wood Ranch, or as Kyle calls it, "the best tri tip in the city." I swear, he is obsessed with "the best" everything. It makes me want to go into the restaurant and scream "CONGRATULATIONS - you did it!!" a la ELF.

tragic kingdom

Possibly the worst rain in the history of Southern California - aka - not the best day to take the kid to Disneyland.

Those bastards took us for all they could, playing on the fact that we were moronic enough to brave the elements just for some Mickey time. After you pay your $50 admission fee - the rain is so torrential, how could you not purchase one of their insanely priced all weather ponchos for $7 or an umbrella for $11? They have the words Disney on them for god's sakes...stop complaining! Ugh. So yes, we had to do all of that, paid $8 for soup, went on a mere 4 rides and called it a day.

I have the worst sore throat, and am closely watching the kid for signs of pnemonia. Not that I would ever bash the my former wallet filler...I'm just saying....

I saw Cowboy Dan, I shot him. I'm Cowboy Gil.

Well, the party's done. I'm relived and I think it went well. Eighty guests for a one year old's party - can you believe that? Luau themed, Hawaiian food buffet, paradise cake, and lots and lots of giveaways. Some cheeky monkey made his own "tiki ticket" that said "IPOD* IPOD*IPOD", sorry sucker, no can do. Kyle said the second kid isn't going to get this treatment. Ha!

Here are the favors I made, little boxes, with little parasols. Stashed inside was a cd of Hawaiian music and a cookie with the kid's face on it. It's amazing what they can do nowadays with edible frosting.

Click on the pictures and you can see them up close. I never show pictures of my kid, but if you really want to see how great these came out, send me an email. I'll think about it.

Cowboy Dan might stop by

The kid's party is tomorrow. I gotta say I'm relieved.

You know how I showed you those boxes and boxes of caramacs? Well here's what I plan to do with them. I hate dumb games of "who gets the centerpiece" blah blah blah - just give the prize and shut it. So to get rid of most of my decor and other things, I made these faux lotto tickets - "tiki tickets," if you will. (hello, luau theme)

click for bigger look...

I made it perforated so you can rip off the top card to reveal the photos underneath. Match three like items and win that prize. Most of them are choco mac nuts, but if you're really lucky you could win a centerpiece, a monkeypod bowl or...a can of new and improved flava SPAM...

Among your hounds of love, and feel your arms surround me.

I have a ton of “draft” posts up in this mother, but first things first…my day...

First we went to Kevin Smith’s Jay & Silent Bob’s Secret Stash, where I procured an autographed copy of Clerks signed by both Kev & Jason for a mint. Yay. Then our houseguest staying with us bought me a wonderful gift, a Brodie inaction figure. How sweet.

Next on to Amoeba, where said houseguest and Kyle wandered the rap/hip hop aisles and I went about my mission, to grab these:

Depeche Mode- remixes
Pet Shop Boys – Introspective
Kate – Bush – Hounds of Love
“A Tribute to Madonna” – (featuring Heaven 17, Dead or Alive & Gene Loves Jezebel)
and the coup of it all
“It’s Electric” (OMD, Yazoo, etc)

Finally, coming off that high, we went to see my *true love* on the big screen in ConstanTINE. I wish I could say it was the highlight of my day...let’s just say...I really liked it, but...disapointed with the lame Hollywood ending.

That was just the start of my weekend. More to come...

One november, spawned a monster in the shape of this child

Well, not that there was any doubt, but it's confirmed.
This kid is my son.

This once calm and friendly boy, today furrowed his brow and shot me a look that basically said, "you dumbass", then he threw something at me.

Thereby following in my footsteps, as those were actions similar to my own, back when I worked in my office.

There is freedom within, there is freedom without

I had a sexy dream last night...I dreamt I was doing math.
What the hell.

Some people never remember their dreams. Mine are clear and vivid, colors and all. Last night I was doing some sort of calculus, I had a pencil in my hand, and on the paper were equations...I have no idea why - was I in high school...college? I don't recall the setting but there were also lobsters there. *sigh.*

Then there's my last dream, when I was married to Ted McGinley. What?

Head over heels,when toe to toe, this is the sound of my soul

My name is Jenn, and I am an 80's addict.

You know it's bad when you're booking out of work as fast as you can, just to get into the car in time to hear "Flashback Lunch". Then you drive as SLOW as you can down the 405 to maximize your listening pleasure before picking up the kid.

I know. I'm a bad mother. But which would you rather do, change a diaper or listen to "True" by Spandau Ballet?

Lift up the receiver, I’ll make you a believer

O.G. and I went to tea at Jin Patisserie. The hip chick across from us was wearing a "Jesus is my Homeboy" hoodie. O.G. leaned in close to me and whispered...

O.G.: "What does that girl's shirt say?"
Me: "NEVERMIND."
O.G.: "I think it says Jesus, something..."
Me: "I'll tell you later."
O.G. "I don't get it..."
Me: "It's just a stupid shirt that cool people buy like to be like Madonna and Paris Hilton, no biggie."
*silence*
O.G.: "Home...boy..is that EBERONICS?"
Me: "Oh my god, you mean EBONICS? Yes, if you'll shut up then YES, "Jesus is my homeboy" is ebonics. Sure.
O.G.: "I don't understand, how can Jesus be your homeboy?"
Me: "Pleeeeaassse shut it."

Ugh. It's now my life's mission to buy O.G. that hoodie and get a picture of her wearing it. But there's no way in hell I'm going to pay $70 for that.

Love my way, it's a new road, I follow where my mind goes

It's Valentine's Day. For the first time in like, 10 years, Kyle bought me roses and chocolate. Cool! I plan on eating the entire box this week. Wish me luck. Ha!

The box reminded me of when I was a kid, and every Valentine's Day without fail, I'd open my bedroom door in the morning, and my Grandpa had left me a Sees candy heart shaped box of chocolate. I love my grandpa. I miss those days.

So Kyle was at Costco yesterday and guess who he bumped in to -- Christopher Knight, aka Peter Brady - and his new 20 year old supermodel girlfriend from the Surreal Life, Adrianne. How weird is that? My cousin, who loves Peter Brady, wanted to know what they were buying. Probably a giant package of toilet paper, that's why I go to Costco.

me and my monkey, with a dream and a gun

I was all dressed in this shirt, and ready to go to the zoo,
then I thought...
hmmm...maybe not...

kewl places tonight

I am a sucker for cute things. The name of this site says it all, "kewlthings.com". Not to mention that I love the fonts and the fab colors of the site design.

I mean come on, toast sponges? How cute is that? They have tons of other neato gifty things too. I may just need to pull out my wallet...

Beautiful, beautiful, girl from the north, you burned my heart with a flickering torch

Man, TARGET. You suck.

I go in for diapers and come out with a million other things. Most importantly, a giant size box of Hot Tamales...

I'd rather not be, the one behind the (pin)wheel...

Well the countdown has begun. This weekend we went to TWO first birthday parties. I guess I didn't realize what a big deal this is. Thank god we don't live in Hawaii because then we'd be planning what compares to a small wedding. It's bad enough as it is!

So people start arriving from Hawaii this week, and I'm halfway done with my planning. Hello, if people would rsvp, goddamit, then my life would be easier. Anyway, I did the centerpieces last week (left)...

I'll let you know what this is for, later...mmhhmmm, those are 24 packs...(Yes, I'd rather eat them all myself but Kyle is watching...)

She will listen to me, when I want to speak, about the world we live in, and life in general

Being an adult is weird.

I went to the mall with the kid and there was a woman next to me at the food court. She had a baby the same age as mine. She seemed nice and friendly, and so was her kid. Part of me wanted to say so badly, "Do you want to be my friend?" How lame is that. But you can't do those things because, well, you're an adult dammit.

As you get older, you start to lose friends. I used to try to hold on to them, but people change I guess. Your single friends don't understand why you can't go out, your married friends have that constant look of terror as your kid runs and screams towards them. It's like you have to start over and find new friends.

Anyway, we went our separate ways. I never got her name, but I had a good time talking to her.

She showed me these little peas that her kid was eating - they were freeze dried, no other ingredients - just peas. In fact that's what they were called - "JUST PEAS." Ha - I should have invented those! justJENN's justpeas. They are pretty awesome. They aren't baby food, but babies love the crunch. I bought a whole load for the boy. He can't get enough. I'm wondering if the ingredients are actually "just peas" and "just crack." Seriously, he won't eat anything else.

Maybe I'll go back to the mall and hopefully someone will befriend me and my pea addicted son.

bag heaven

I started some new stationery ideas today and came up with this:



I am designing like crazy this week. I have so many ideas I don't know where to begin. I think I'll begin by taking a nap.

I'll make your heart smile

Giao sent this to me, so I'll it fill out:

1. Total amount of music files on your computer:
Don’t ask. I know I’m approaching 600 cds, and my iPOD is pissed off.

2. The last CD you bought was:
I don’t remember, but I wish it was this.

3. What is the song you last listened to before reading this message?
“World” by New Order off “Republic”. This song reminds me of when I worked for the Wherehouse and had to whore cds in the parking lot on a hot summer day.

4. Write down 5 songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you.

"Morning Glory" - Oasis.
I gotta say, anything from this album makes me screamingly happy.

"Strangelove" – Depeche Mode
Makes me want to tattoo the letters on my knuckles. I seriously listen to this song at least once a week. I don’t know why.

"Boys Don't Cry" - The Cure
I could listen to this song ten times in a row. I have.

"Father of Mine" - Everclear
The words to this song are just a little too close to home.

"Elephant Stone" – Stone Roses
Blink and you’d have missed this band, but this is probably my favorite song on earth.

There are plenty others I can think of. I didn't even put my fave Morrissey on that list, but I thought it was already a bit heavy on the 80's alternative.

5. Who are you going to pass this stick to? (3 persons) and why?
Hmm.
little things cause I like her style.
DramaQueen cause she cracks me up,
and, how about...
THE HULK - because I wanna know if he has a penchant for the Pet Shop Boys...