You're like a goods train running through my mind

My Kid loves trains. LOVES THEM. I took him to the mall yesterday to ride the little train that goes around a very tiny track. I squeezed myself in there for the first ride, so he didn't feel alone, then I felt sick (small track, tight circle) so I let him be for the rest of the rides.

The old man running the train didn't speak english, but he understood pretty well. I bought the Kid one of those little train whistles, which tickled him to no end. Only, we couldn't figure out how to work it, so I asked the old man, "Do I need to take out these plugs?" He grabbed the previously wrapped train and PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH to demonstrate. Then handed it back to me.

I just stood there, horrified. EW. I am slightly germ phobic, and this creeped me out. I didn't want to be rude and be all, "give me a new one." But I didn't exactly want to put that thing in my mouth or the Kid's, either.

So now here we are at home. I washed that thing a billion times but I still am creeped out. Should I throw it away? It's such a waste but it was only $1.50. I think I wanna go buy him a new one. A new non-saliva-ed-by-an-old-man clean train whistle. EW.
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Trick.

My sis-in-law is coming for Halloween. I told her we can take the Kid out for his first foray into the 'begging for candy' biz. Her response?

"What are WE going to be for Halloween?"

Oh Geez. Don't tell me she's going to make me dress up.
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Your love, is better than ice cream

Ok. I thought I loved ice cream. But I went to sKog's house this weekend...and this was in his freezer. No, no party, that's his everyday stash. He eats it every night before he goes to bed. Oh and - he's the skinniest m*therf*r you will ever meet. Damn him.


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Have your cake and...

This is the world's ugliest bday cake. My brother and I have birthdays two days apart, and we always get a Baskin Robbins ice cream cake, chocolate, with mint chip ice cream. This year my mom decided to go to a new store down the street. Big. Mistake.

One, the woman was a total beyotch when I went to pick it up. She said, "Are you here to pick up a cake?" I said, "Yes." Then I stood there for I don't know how long, while she turned her back to me and did other things. There was no one else in the store. Finally she turned around and decided to go get my cake. Then she said, "Make sure you put it in the freezer." That cracked me up. Hello, where else would I put it, it's a goddam ice cream cake.

So I look at this cake and it's sooo ugly. Not only is there a total lack of decorations, but my handwriting is 100 times better than this. I can do this sh*t myself, thank you. Even O.G. saying, "What's wrong with this cake?" My mom said they asked if the cake was to be decorated for adults or kids. She told them, "adults." My brother said, "What the hell does that mean, pictures of office supplies?"

Another thing my brother and I were laughing about is that there is a PERIOD at the end of his name. Is that hilarious? How UNEXCITED can you be with a birthday cake, give us an exclaimation point at least! Then he and I sat there as the rest of our family ignored us, watching tv, so we were like, "Ugh. No one cares about us. Let's just sing to ourselves and eat this thing." It was funny. PERIOD.
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Yesterday I got so oldI felt like I could die

I had a wonderrrrful birthday. And thanks for all the well wishes. This picture from Alexis, totally made me crack up. I got lots of nice things, which made for a very pleasant weekend.

If there's one way to my heart, it's through music I love. Giao sent me a big ol' stash of stuff for my birthday, and while I loved all of it, I have to say, the cd she made for me was the best. Dead Milkmen, Stone Roses, Lush, Ride, Erasure, James...come on!! Shoegazers. Her and me. This girl might be my twin sister. Course she'd have to be THE EVIL twin. MWAHAHAHA...

Oh and can you believe Woodsy was crazy enough to send me RAP CHIPS? Of course she did. Cause she knows I'm "Bored as hell and I wanna get ill, so I go to a place where my homeboyz chill." Anyway, if Rap Chips taught me anything it's that Lil' Romeo says, "Stay in school." What. Does that kid even go to school?

There were lots of other things that happened this weekend, but I'll write about them when I'm not so tired. I actually fell asleep at 10pm last night. Holy crap. Was it because I'm now "old?" Do I qualify to go to Denny's with O.G. for the early bird specials now??? Yikes.
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"I like ballet. I love the novels of Proust. I love the work of Alan Delon. And I think that's what influenced her buying me 'Hat FM'."

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you're about as easy as a nuclear war

It's my birthday tomorrow, wheee! So who cares if I listened to Duran Duran all night, right? I just did.

Aside from that, I read something interesting in the Times. When you go to the Coffee Bean, and they ask you, "is that for HERE or TO GO?" It's not because - 1)That is a stupid ass question for coffee that comes in a paper cup no matter what, or 2) They have strong opinions about your driving with hot coffee between your legs. No, it's for state tax purposes. If you answer "YES" - they will tax your ass. If you answer "NO", hey - no tax, people! So always say, "TO GO."

You can thank me by buying me a Japanese Cherry Tea. Hot, please. Don't think I won't take you up on this.
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Finally.

Well, after days and nights of working hard, the new webstore is finally open, take a look! *Whew* I'm exhausted.

Edina: "Inside of me, sweetie, there is a thin person just screaming to get out."Mother: "Just the one, dear?"

Jenn: "I feel like eating a donut."
O.G: "Did you see that Times article about how you're NOT supposed to gain a lot of weight when you're pregnant?"
*hands me the article out of the trash*
Jenn: "FIRST OF ALL, the people in this article are 560 pounds! That's like five times what I weigh, HELLO."
O.G.: "Well, I'm just saying."
Jenn: "Screw you, I'm getting a donut."
O.G: "Oh dear."
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tryin' to make a dollar out of 15 cent

Cheerios, bitches!

39 cents.

That truly IS crazy crazy crazy.














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Run for the border

Since Kyle will be basically gone for a month, I have done something that some would call crazy - requested my mother-in-law's presence. For the entire month of September she will be here, taking care of the Kid.

I have to say I'm looking forward to it. Despite some odd comments from her, we get along pretty well. Plus with her watching the Kid I can do as I please - sewing all day and night.

I look forward to our many conversations, like:
MIL: "I LOVE Mexican food, it's my favorite food!"
Jenn: "Oh good! This place has pretty good burritos."
MIL: "What's a burrito?"

Nice.
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I said to my reflection let's get out of this place

Today my mail delivered this:


and this:


Is this supposed to be some cruel temptation?
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It won't be long, until you do, exactly what they want you to

Here I am, Friday night, sewing and listening to Depeche Mode 101. This album takes me right back to being in the audience at the Rose Bowl. So, "Question of Time" comes on. Suddenly I stop sewing. Seeing as how I know almost every lyric of every DM song, (Thus my penchant for post titles) I know what's coming, and do the math. You see, in the lyrics it says, "Well now you're only fifteen, and you look good." I think to myself - holy shit. When I heard this song back then at the concert in Pasadena...
I WAS fifteen!

Now I'm sitting at home listening to this album, and it's...*gulp*...17 years later. Good, freakin' lord. Whatever happened to that thinner version of me, with the black & white striped knee highs, mini skirt and Doc Martens? I may have forgone the fashion sense, but I still have the same music taste.
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Bounce with me

My birthday is in one week - whohoo! No one cares but me. Anyway, I am reminded that it's my birthday because my annual FREE Hot Dog on a Stick coupon arrived in my email. Dammit. I can't eat hot dogs. Stupid pregnancy. No corn-doggy goodness for me. This birthday sucks.

Seeing those Hot Dog on a Stick girls bounce up and down making lemonade reminds me that Victoria's Secret is pimping their new IPEX bra. I am intrigued simply because, One - I love Victoria's Secret, and Two - they promo it as the "World's most advanced bra." How can they make such a claim? What if there's one that shoots fire, or answers your email for you? I'd say that's more advanced. Also, I am interested in why I should pay $45 for a bra? Well, unless it shoots fire. Then I'd pay $50.
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You only tell me you love me when you're drunk

I know I am a bad girl. I know this because I use my new camera phone for evil.

I was in line at the market this morning. There was a woman in front of me with a "I love God" kind of Church-i-tude shirt on. Check out what she was buying.


*click for big-ness*

Is that awesome or what? ONE giant can of Coors Light and a bottle of cheap champagne. Hello, it was before 9am.

I love my camera phone. I'm going to hell. She may not be going to hell, but wherever she goes, she'll arrive happy and drunk.
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Pain - will you return it?

Perhaps you've heard that when one becomes pregnant, they become, well, clumsy. I used to think this was all nonsense, but today I reached the pinnacle of clumsiness.

I'm usually pretty good in the kitchen, I can do ten things at once and get dinner on the table in no time flat. Today, I made a very very stupid mistake and steam burned myself. Holy crap, the firey pain that is my hand is completely hurting. I feel like Johnny Tremain up in here. (Grade school - literary reference - don't sweat it, I just mean it hurts like a m*therf*cker, and I feel totally crippled.)

So that's one. The burned hand. Now let's move to two, shall we? How about me sewing like mad, and then dropping the sewing scissors...right...into...my pregnant tummy. Yeah. I did that.

The only thing numbing my pain is The Office marathon on NBC. That and a coke slush...with ice cream. Oh yeah. You know you want one.
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Make you say UUHHHH.

Oh...my...GOD.

RAP CHIPS.
This is not a joke.

"Dirt McGirt Sour Cream and Onion chips"? I'd prefer "Big Baby Jesus Cheetos", but hey, I'm no marketing genius.

You know what would go perfect with chips? A Coke slushee...mmm. Anything icy, I'm down for. My cousin and I were watching Regis and Kelly and the guest was this woman from Real Simple magazine. She showed how you can use your ice cream machine to make your own slurpees at home. So we did it. Right then and there. And damn, was it good. Take a look.
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Right on...

Like Target?
Me too.
Let's make out.
Or we can just read this blog.
Either way.

A blog totally dedicated to cool things at Target. My kinda gals. I found this thing to be excruciatingly cute.
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Girlfriend in a coma

I read about this woman who is pregnant, but in a coma. They don't know if she'll come out of it, but there is a risk to leave the baby in, as it will die, or take it out, and the mother may die.

I told Kyle, if it were me - save the baby, and pull the plug on me while you're at it. He said, "Who will take care of the kid?" Um, hello, YOU perhaps? Jesus Christ, I may not wake up for ten years, can’t I catch a break around here?

My brother said, "You'll wake up ten years later and Kyle will have ten years worth of dishes piled up for you to do."
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la recette secrète du poulet cuisiné aux 11 herbes et aromates.

Last night I dreamt that I was at a buffet in Vegas, eating fried chicken. Eating fried chicken, with Simon Cowell. Uh. Hmm. Weird. As if that's not weird enough, the entire dream was in French. We were speaking French and so was everyone around us.

When I woke up, I thought, "Damn, I want to eat some chicken. " Or actually, "Sacré, je veux manger un certain poulet."
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ants in your pants

I wrote a poem. Here it is:

Ants. I hate you, you little bastards.

Pretty good, huh? Ants have invaded and taken over my kitchen. I am very unhappy. It wasn't so bad til I saw one floating in my nicely brewed Japanese Cherry Tea this morning. Then I was like, it's on bitches. I want to take my little finger and smash all of them with all my might.

Stupid ants.
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wait a minute mr. postman

Since I wrote that incredibly "nice" note to my mailman, I haven't gotten...a single...package.

Shit.

And I know there's stuff I ordered that is supposed to be on it's way. I think I just dug myself into a hole. An empty hole that has no packages in it.

Anyway, before the travesty that is my war with the postman, I received a lovely gift for the Kid from Nan, of asian-y board books. They are cute, and kinda make me hungry.

Also, long ago, I got a gift from bRuiner's recent jaunt on a cruise. Wowee, cruise? What are you 70? JUST KIDDING. It is an awesome cutting board. He must know I love the kitchen stuff. Kyle foams at the mouth when he sees me get more kitchenware in my collection. I don't know why he's complaining. He's NEVER had to cook a meal in our entire time together. Even peanut butter and jelly, I make it for him. The man can barely find the forks in the kitchen, so let me be with my kitchenware, thank you. This Caribbean wood is gorgeous. I don't want to cut on it, even!
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You hold your head in your hands, and the weight of the world on your shoulders

I'm not very happy lately. For some reason, when that happens I feel like listening to Kate Bush. Which is probably so wrong cause it just might make me more depressed, I'm not quite sure.

There's no reason for this feeling really. That doesn't stop people from offering up their suggestions for why, of course.

Cause I'm pregnant and unattractive? Although a mighty strong contender, I don't think this is it. My friend saw a picture of me at a party last week and said my boobs looked like I could feed twins. She said this was a compliment. Uh, yeah right. I'm not taking it as one, thanks. In case you didn't know, pregnancy doubles your boob size. DOUBLES. *sigh*

Cause I turn 32 this year? Nope. I love my birthday. That ain't it. Oh, I totally forgive said friend for that boob comment, as she gave me a rockin' birthday gift which I, of course, opened 2 weeks early. Check it out. Mmm, citrus-y goodness. I smell delicious.

One thing that does make me happy? Watching Big Brother. Holy crap am I addicted to that show. It's pathetic. I'm not so bad that I've subscribed to the live feeds, but give me another week of this depression and I just may do it.

I'm off to listen to Erasure before I go to sleep. That always makes me feel better. How can Andy Bell's voice, NOT lift your spirits,
I ask you?
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The grabbing hands, grab all the can

Just when I thought I'd have to whore myself out, money has fallen into my lap. The company I used to work for over 10 years ago, shut down, and are handing out the pensions. Goddam the fact that I only worked there two years. Oh well. Something is better than nothing.

I opened the letter, wishing a golden ticket of thousands of dollars was inside...but it was only $184. Still. That's $184 I didn't have yesterday. Course, if I elect for a full payment, taxes take 20%. That means...hang on...carry the one...that I'll get like $147. *sigh* Damn taxes.

I gave them the best two years of my life. I'm so worth the full $184, but I'll take what I can get. So thank you old company, thanks for shutting down. I cross my heart and promise to take that money and invest it wisely. Oh who the hell am I kidding.
I'm going shoe shopping.
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I will deliver, you know I’m a forgiver

I hate my mailman. When I came back from Hawaii, I went to the main Post Office to mail off some goodies for people, and pick up my week's worth of mail. I specifically asked the woman at the counter if I had any package slips. She went to the back room and said she talked to MY mail carrier, who said, NO. Okie dokie. I just didn't want to trek it back on down there.

You can see where this is going. I went and ran some other errands. When I got back in the afternoon, what do you think was taped to my door? A mother f*ing package slip. Dick.

It's not like these packages need signatures or I.D. - the mailguy is just super lazy, I'm telling you. Anyway, I wrote him a note today to just leave my stuff on the doorstep, if he didn't mind. They probably aren't allowed to do that, but it's worth a shot. The letter was nicely worded, and very much a "please...please??" kind of letter. I don't exactly want to piss of a postal worker, you know.
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fat chance

Kill me. I've succumbed to maternity clothes. Goodbye skinny jeans and nice tops. I'm not big enough to fill out the maternity clothes, but my old pants are definitely tight-ish. I could still wear my old shirts, but I am not fond of that "belly sticking out" look, that is oh so popular on the streets. So I'll just be swimming in these maternity clothes and people will think I'm some sort of oddly styled hobo, until my tummy decides to bust out big time.

What's worse is seeing clothes that I just love and want very badly. Such as this dress. I keep staring at it, wishing it were mine. Not that I'd pay that much anyway, but still. It's the IDEA that I can't even try it on. Being fat sucks.
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I think I love you from head to toe

Vices.
Some people smoke, others drink.
Me? I speed down the freeway listening to Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam.
Am I ashamed?
A little, but let's just keep that between you and me.
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baby love

My sis-in-law is throwing a baby shower and needs invites. I'm happy to oblige, cause, as I said, I AM BORED. Did you hear me? I just shouted it.

Her friend is buying the baby all Carter's Bubbles the Bear stuff. Don't ask me, I never heard of it either. It's a cute little bear though. So I adapted it - and made it fit into matching invitations. The friend also is ADAMANT about not using pink or blue. Good lord. Don't get me started on gender biased colors, who gives a shit I say. Blue looks good on boys, pink is cute on girls. I like it like that. I'm traditional.

The package consists of an invitation, a menu card, and a label for the envelope.

OH - another thing not to get me started on -- paying for the shower. Apparently in Hawaii, it's the norm for people to pay for their meals. I find this completely odd, cause we throw showers out here, even if it costs an arm and a leg, we never ask for money. Woodsy spent a small fortune on her best friend's shower, if I remember correctly. My mother in law thinks this is stupid, but hey, it's all love, baby.

Anyway, here's the final package. Sorry for all the "rub outs" but I think you can still get the idea.
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Coffee, tea or me

A friend of mine had a bday today. August birthdays kick ass. Just so you know.

She loves Coffee Bean, and in the bay area, there is only ONE. One? You're joking.

So as I was picking up my stash of Japanese Cherry Tea, I noticed that they had boxes of do-it-yourself Blended Coffee mixes. Just mix it up and you're done - they even provide the proper cups, which was beyond cute, I thought.

I sent off a box for her birthday. I'd say it was a success, as she mixed up a drink and emailed me the picture. Look at that nicely manicured finger. She could be the next Vanna White.
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There's no place like home

I had a good vacation.
It was basically eating.
And more eating.
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outta here

Heading back to L.A. today. I'll miss it here, but it will be nice to sleep in my own bed, where it's not like 85 degrees at 7am.

My kid's going to miss this place - running around free, without me yelling at him, eating cookies all day. That's the life.
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meme'd out

Giao was on vacay in ATL and sent me this meme while I was on vacay in Hawaii. Vacations for bloggers. What can I say.
I altered it a bit, cause some categories, just didn't work for me. I'm a rebel like that.

5 CDs in your Player:
• Nightbird ~ Erasure
• Best of Elvis Costello ~ Elvis Costello
• Sing When You're Winning ~ Robbie Williams
• Back to Mine ~ Pet Shop Boys
• cd of 80's music ~ me

5 Movies You've Seen Recently:
(I'm changing this one to tv shows, cause I really don't go to the movies, ever. Please don't judge me on my crap tv watching.)
5 TV Shows You TIVO:
• Big Brother
• Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
• Laguna Beach, the real O.C.
• Paula Deen
• Hell's Kitchen

5 Nice Things That Happened To You Lately:
• I was given a new phone
• My Kid gave me three kisses
• I ate coffee ice cream, lots of it.
• Saw lots of friends
• I went on a week's vacay.

5 MP3s on your playlist:
• Here is the House ~ Depeche Mode
• Regret~ New Order
• Wave of Mutilation ~ Pixies
• Postcards from Paradise ~ Flesh for Lulu
• Holiday ~ Madonna

I'm also adding this, simply because a friend emailed me this question (weird), so I'll throw it in:
5 things you are obsessed with:
• shoes
• purses
• paper/stationery
• coffee
• monkeys

5 Friends You're Passing This To:
Anyone who wants it.
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Don't talk to strangers.

Some of my friends think that the fact that I have "internet friends" is totally lame. I dig what they're saying - I talk to some of these people daily, and yet I've never met them. Woodsy is convinced that one day one of them will try and knife me, if I meet up with them.

That being said, today I met Myra in a nice public, non-knifeable location, the Starbucks at Pearl Ridge Phase 1. My sis-in-law said, "Who are we looking for, what does she look like?" I said, "How do I know, I've never met her." At this moment my sis-in-law freaked, and believed we were going to die. Hardly. Myra is the cupcake queen - anyone who makes cupcakes like this, wouldn't knife me. I think. She was very cool, and I was happy to spend time with her.

I also had lunch with Rokes, who I know FOR REAL, and as per the usual, we ate lunch where the food was good and had the worst service imaginable. We are just lucky like that.

Kyle went out with KFC yesterday who gave him yet another gift for me. So many presents - what did I do to deserve this? A bluetooth to go with the razor. Yikes. Now I really am hip.

Today was a much better day than yesterday. As always when I come here, the first few days are great, the next days crap, then I don't want to leave as my vacay comes to an end. I'll be back home soon, though.
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