You know the way it twists and turns, changing colors, spinning yarns

I love Halloween cause I get to carve pumpkins! Course this year I had do something easy, what with the "don't stand up for more than 15 minutes" rule, imposed on me by the doctor. Which I'm totally going to follow starting tomorrow, I swear.

So that means nothing as elaborate as the "Jenn" or "Kyle" pumpkins of years past. So I looked around for simple graphic images that I could use. I found this one and had it cut open and done in under and hour.

Oh well, maybe next year I'll do the kid's faces. For now, this will have to do. It's Batman!




Click HERE for all pumpkin-y goodness.
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I've got a hunger, twisting my stomach into knots

I was like, why is this Kid up at 6:30 am, dammit? Oh. The time change. Son of a...

Weekend mornings are for pancakes. Today I decided to bust out the old Mickey waffler from in the back of the cupboard. I kicked it up by making some blueberry waffles. Eat the ears first. They taste the best.
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pinkie tuscadero

Damn, I love me some peppermint, now I read that there is a special PINK peppermint patty. How cute! I want one so badly, but I haven't seen them around here, but I would buy one in an instant if I saw it!
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It's on the inside that counts

Dear Baby-inside-of-me,

I think we should see other people. It's been nice, but we are obviously not right for each other. Maybe if we separated for a bit, we could be friends again someday. Like in 6 weeks.

Your insistent need for attention by kicking my spleen 20 times a day is not only violent, but annoying. Not to mention the fact that I am either constantly sick or hungry around you.

I can tell you that your little brother-to-be is anxiously awaiting your arrival, cause he will get his normal, not-so-fat-able-to-lift-him-up-mommy, back again. He has also already named you Meatball or Bing Bong, whichever you prefer. I'm not a fan of either, frankly.

I will always love you, but let's take some time apart. Really. I'm not kidding. Get out of me. Thanks.

Love,
me
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Lemonheads

Why is it, that when you want something so badly, and then you finally get it, it can sometimes be, disappointing? I wanted this Lemonade shampoo for so long, I finally picked it up. I haven't used it yet, so I can't say I'm fully disappointed, but I do wonder why I don't read the labels while I'm standing right there in the store.

Just like the lemon lotion I bought that advises you "not to go into the sun" - this thing has it's own quirky warnings. Look closely.



"Prolonged use may cause irritation to skin and urinary tract." EEWWW! Ok, I get it, I should stay away from all things lemon.
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grave dancer's union

Ok, here's the deal. Went to the doctor today. She demanded I go on 2 weeks bedrest, starting NOW. That is, no standing up for more than 15 minutes a day. I laughed in her face. That's not going to happen. I mean, I'll take it easy, but come on with that. This is me we're talking about. Anyway, I'll see how it goes today, I guess I'll just surf the net and watch tv all day. Someone better send me some emails to read cause this is going to suck.

So, here's me totally NOT listening to her and standing up and making Halloween cupcakes. And yes, I don't feel so hot right now, so shut it. But look at these cute things, they're all worth it, don't you think? Taken from Clare Crespo's "Hey there cupcake" book, it's a hand "rising from the grave" - the grave dirt being crushed chocolate cookies, the hand being plastic dolls hands. SPOOKTACULAR. It's AWESOMEly cute - and scary. Here's the recipe.

Ok, now I'm going to rest. No, really.
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Pump it up when you don't really need it.

Took the Kid to a pumpkin patch.

Pumpkin-y goodness is ours.

Soon I will be slicing and dicing the sucker.

The pumpkin, not the Kid.

Pictures to come.
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Lock down

I went to Target today. Everything was Hallo-weenie. Still, it doesn't feel like Halloween to me, at all. I guess I'm not in the mood.

I went to the new Target again today. As I was leaving I noticed a sign that said - don't try and take the carts out of the parking lot, the wheels will lock. Or something like that. How awesome. My plan is to head on down there after dark, make my Sis-in-law get in the cart, while I push her full force towards the supposed lock lines, Jackass style. Let's see if that whole locking thing is bs or what.

Or not. I suppose a pregnant mugshot isn't that becoming.
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Power station

I went to heaven today. Well - heaven for a 2 year old. We drove 35 miles to THE Thomas Train store out at the mall. The Kid LOVES the goddam trains. You should have seen the kids in that store, they were all over those things. My Kid is pretty well behaved, the other ones can go to hell. They were pushing and taking his trains. He just kinda stood back. I hope he doesn't go postal one day.

I bought him a few trains for Christmas, since last year we bought him NOTHING. I felt bad. Anyway, this store has a sale only twice a year where everything is like 20% off. And if you know anything about Thomas trains, that right there is a bargain. Those little bastards cost $20 a piece! Unbelievable. The Kid literally plays with them for hours. Whatever makes him happy.

All I know is, the show sucks ass. Those trains are all a-holes and they must have stock full of "angry train" faces, cause they are always pissed at each other. If there is a lesson in this show, I have no idea what it is.

I was very proud that my Kid wasn't one of those that screamed his bloody head off when it was time to leave. Like I said, I love my kid, other people's kids - me - not a fan.
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Found my way upstairs and had a smoke,Somebody spoke and I went into a dream

I woke up at 5am today. I couldn't sleep and ended up going out and wandering the streets. No i.d., no nothing. Probably not the smartest move, looking back. I must be stressed if I actually WALKED somewhere, especially when I'm not supposed to be walking at all.

What is there to do so early in the morning? Nothing really. So I went to the 7-11. Why the hell do they call it that when it's open 24 hours anyway? Why don't they just change the name to 24/7?

The day laborers were hanging out there, as they do every early morn. I read in the paper that one of them went nuts and stabbed another recently, so I kept my eye on those buggers.

When I came back I told the husband that I was totally stressed and it's killing me. He said, "If you're so stressed why didn't you get a day laborer to come do your heavy lifting?"

Dammit! Why didn't I think of that. Besides the stabbing part, that's not a bad idea.
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I may be the Mayor of Simpleton, but I know one thing and that's I love you

I have become dumb. I used to have half a brain. Now at 8 months pregnant, it's gone. Oh yeah.

Being at THE mall and all, I had to bring The Carvery home for the husband. So I went to order him the prime rib dinner. The counter person said, "Would you like the 6oz or the 9oz?" I said, "What's the difference?" She replied, "Um, three ounces."

Duh. I felt stupid. My mom said, "I was wondering why you asked that." I guess what I meant to say was - "Size wise, show me how much bigger one is than the other. On the plate. Convince me to spend the money." But it didn't come out that way. And I looked dumb.

Once this baby comes out, I better get my smarts back.
It's all I got.
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Now where am I going to keep my loose change?

After my hospital incident, I'm a little depressed and kind of weepy. Nothing ice cream can't cure, I'm sure. I think the Kid doesn't love me anymore cause I can't pick him up and carry him around like I used to. He doesn't even ask me anymore. So depressing. I've scarred him for life.

Yesterday my nurse who "talked funny," told me a few rules, before I left:

1. Keep hydrated.
2. Don't lift heavy things.
3. Don't stick things in your vag*na.

Sound advice. Sound advice, indeed.
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"Last year I went as Janet Jackson's boob. It was topical. People got a kick out of it."

The only thing that made today better was the Office. Otherwise, it kind of sucked ass. I woke up feeling 'weird'. I had contractions every 20 minutes, not tiny ones - STRONG ones, and I sucked it up as much as I could before I couldn't take it anymore so the doctor said to head to the hospital.

Nothing like having the worst pain in the world, while watching your husband try and figure out hospital forms. By the time he asked me, "what's our relationship to each other?" I was over it. Just give me the forms and I'll do it my damn self. At least he got my name right.

Then they made me share a room. Lord, do I hate sharing a room. The last time I shared a room, the person next to me was a gunshot victim. Let's just say, that since they got our charts mixed up, I am no longer a member of Kaiser.

So, they gave me drugs to stop the contractions - nothing. She said it's the same drugs they give for bad asthma attacks. I pity you if you have ever had it, it was awful. I felt so freaked out, my pulse started racing and I was so jittery I just started crying uncontrollably. All for nothing too, cause the contractions? They just got worse.

I have smooth skin. So I'm told. Why is this important? Because they can NEVER find my vein. UGH. I hate needles and they ended up poking me not once, not twice but three times. I now have bruises all over from being stuck so many times. Gross. That was worse than the contractions if you ask me. Or was it worse having my husband stand at the end of the bed telling me how having an IV would be awesome so he can just play video games for hours and never have to stop to eat. I dunno. It's a toss up.

Now I'm home and supposed to be 'taking it easy'. No stress. So I guess I'll just sit around here and tell people what to do.
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Now I would do most anythingto get you back by my side

Now that my SIL is here, the Kid is all about her. It used to be "MOMMY MOMMY," now he no longer loves me. Boys. Another girl comes along and suddenly they're over you. Poo. Fickle monkey.

We'll see how this second Kid is. We have a name. Yes, we do. And I'm pretty darn sure we're sticking to it. I have 7 weeks to retract that statement, mind you. I didn't take my own advice and I told some people what we chose. Mistake. As I said before, it's best to keep these things to yourself because people always have shit to say about it. Hey, if you don't like the name I picked, push your own Kid out of your body is all I'm saying.

All I can tell you is, it's better than my mother's brilliant suggestion of JOCK. Yes. As in itch, or strap. She was serious.
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sweet on you

I think I'm hungry.


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Tasting, one, two, three.

Our family is all about the taste tests, last year we had the great Root Beer taste test where we tried over 15 varieties. So, seeing as how it was Cousin Lo's 33 birthday this weekend, we had a pizza party. Meaning everyone brought their favorite pizza to have a taste test. When I pointed out that Cousin Lo doesn't even like pizza, everyone said, "Who cares." Nice.

So being a good cousin, I made her, her very own pizza, with her favorite food, KIM CHEE. If you don't know what that is, it's like a fermented cabbage with tons of spices. I find it totally disgusting. Me - not a fan of stinky things. And that stuff stinks. When I opened the jar to chop it up, I swear to god it hissed at me and jumped towards me. Gross.

Anyway, everyone seemed to love it, and voted it the best tasting pizza of them all! (I didn't eat it.)

Here's the recipe.
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Now hear this - SUCK IT.

God, my throat hurts from yelling/laughing so hard. I went to the old folks house to visit. My Kid walked up to Grandpa and handed him a cracker.

Gramps: "What's this?"
Jenn: "He gave you a cracker."
Gramps: "A what?"
Jenn: "A cracker."
Gramps: "Send it back to her?"
Jenn: "A CRACKER. A CRACK--ER."
Gramps: "Suck it?"

Mind you, this is right after THIS conversation:

Jenn: "The Kid likes mandarin oranges from a can."
O.G.: "From where?"
Jenn: "A can. Of oranges."
O.G.: "Where is that?"
Jenn: "Can. CAN. C.A.N. CAN."
O.G.: "I've never been there."
Jenn: "CAN, GODDAMIT! CAN CAN CAN CAN! That's it. I can't take it anymore, I'm taking you to get a hearing test."
O.G.: "OH NO! They're just going to tell me that I need a hearing aid."
Jenn: "You think?"
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Son of a

Lately my Kid has been pointing at anyone with glasses and saying "DADDY!," really loud. It's kind of embarrassing. Course, today he pointed at a picture of Keanu Reeves and said, "Daddy!" too. Hmm.

I suppose staying at home has been worthwhile. My Kid is 21 months old, and I've taught him the entire alphabet, he can count from 1 - 15, (we're working on doing this in Spanish, too) and when you ask him to spell his name, he does.

Also when we pass a Trader Joes, he yells "BALLOON!" Cause he gets a free one everytime we go. Poor kid thinks it's a balloon store. When we pass a Starbucks, he says, "COFFEE!" I don't know how he knows this, but it's quite obvious I go there way too much.

All this learnin' is well and good. Then again, today I said, "GODDAMMIT" and he said, "DAMBIT!"

Shieeet. I mean, oops.
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Mother: "What is my email address?"Edina: "Oldwoman @ risk of being strangled by own daughter.com I should imagine."

My MIL leaves tomorrow. It has been a nice 5 weeks, except she just came into my room to chew me out for being "mean" to O.G.

Ah, I've heard it all before. I go through those phases too. Where you feel bad for O.G., then she totally goes and does something to drive you mad crazy. My mom and my cousin have been through this too. So it's not only me. Anyone who is not related to her is the lucky one, cause they have no idea.

I love the old woman, I do. But seriously, she is nuts. Maybe she drives me crazy because I KNOW I will turn into her.
Someone shoot me.

Jenn: "Cousin Lo is taking you to Universal Studios tomorrow."
O.G.: "Oh how wonderful. Are you and the baby coming?"
Jenn: "I suppose. So, you said you wanted to go to the mall, did you want to go next week Monday?"
O.G.: "No, I'd rather go to Universal Studios."
Jenn: "No, it's not an either/or - I'm asking you, if you want to go to the mall, on a totally separate occasion - UNRELATED."
O.G.: "If I had a choice, I'd rather go to Universal Studios."
Jenn: "Look goddamit, one has nothing to do with the other, you asked me to take you and I'm telling you I'm free Monday, do you want to go to the mall or not?"
O.G.: "No."
Jenn: "Fine."
O.G.: "Cause I'd rather..."
Jenn: "DON'T. EVEN...say it..."
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If I could "do" anybody, it'd be Kevin. We could cuddle and watch bowling afterwards.

Sometimes the Office is so wretchedly awful that I have to watch it with my eyes partly covered. Still. I can't stop watching it.

Yesterday I went to the post office and the line was a mile long. Then this old crippled woman TOTALLY cut in front of me. I let her, but dammit I was mad. She was way sneaky and blatant about it. She pretended to talk to the woman in front of me, then literally shoved me to the side. RUDE.

Then when she got to the front, the postal worker told her she had the option of First Class for $3.53, or Parcel Post for $3.30. She said, "OH GOD! The cheapest!!" Ok, first of all, she stated loud enough for all of us to hear that she was sending her grand-daughter a Halloween gift. Geez. Just spend the 20 cents so the Kid can get it a few days earlier, for god's sakes. Secondly, said Halloween gift was packaged in a badly taped up old 'steam iron' box. Lovely. I should send all my Halloween gifts in old tampon boxes. Boxes are boxes, apparently.

After she left, some people in line started arguing (loudly, again) whether or not it was good for that woman to be a cheapass or not. GODDAM. I hate the post office.

Also I feel extremely cranky. As if you can't tell.
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A stamp in the hand

I am having trouble thinking of good Christmas gifts for guys. Women seem so much easier to shop for.
Kyle's idea?
A roll of stamps.
"The perfect gift."

What.

Good lord. This is why I am in charge of Christmas gifts. If anyone we know gets a roll of stamps from this Christmas, you know I went into labor early and Kyle did the Christmas shopping.
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Playing the Angel

DM's single for Precious & Fragile comes out today. Something about that song felt very emotional. Good sources have told me that Martin wrote it for his two kids, since he is going through a divorce.

Like a freak, I have been calling KROQ every time I'm in the car. No that wasn't me causing the backup on the freeway. I was trying desperately to win tickets to see them in November.

How can I not go see my favorite band in the whole world? Well, it's not like I can't go buy tickets, I just know I shouldn't, since it's days before this second Kid is supposed to make an appearance. Somehow I feel like if I WIN the tickets, then it's justified that I can go. Don't argue with my crazy monkey logic.
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Hot diggity dog

My friend sKog's birthday is coming up. The boy loves hot dogs, what can I say. He even dressed up as one for Halloween last year!

So I found this very cool, retro-y kinda fabric, and made him a tablecloth, with yellow edging and a felt backing. It came out kinda cute, I think. I wanted to trick it out with a little pom pom trim, but I thought that would be too 'gay'. Well, how manly can make a hot dog tablecloth, anyway.

It looks low to the ground cause the only square table I had was the Kid's. But it kind of matches the mini chairs! I also made a matching dishtowel. I hope he likes it.

*click on the picture for a bigger view*
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toot, toot, chugga chugga, big red cart

They opened a brand spankin' new Target, it's huge! This one is in walking distance of my house. Not that I'd ever do such a thing, are you mad? This is Los Angeles! L.A. Story, when he gets in the car to drive two houses down? That's me.

Anyway, this new Target is clean and red and white and gorgeous! These new bigger better stores are so big they'll stock anything. And I do mean anything.

I went "only to look" and ended up spending $45. Hey. I got a bunch of stuff, one of which was the Kid's halloween costume - and the best buy of all....mini bottles of soda. God I'm a sucker for the mini. And the giant. But not the regular. Weird.
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meat is murder

Well, I don't know where you live, but it's damn hot here. Like, summer hot. Like, bbq grilling hot.

So before the weather turns to cold lovely gray skies (my fave), here's a recipe which is great for bbq'ing. It's for Korean short ribs, aka kalbi. My secret ingredient? A can of Sprite. It sounds nutty, but I'm telling you, it makes the best tasting meat ever. And I am no fan of meat. Except when I'm pregnant. Then I'll jump the fence and stab a cow with a fork.
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Fill er up

You're eating crazy cheese, like you'd think I'm from Paris

We are going to Buca di Beppo this weekend to thank my mother in law for her 5 week stay, and to celebrate my husband finishing his one month deadline. Now maybe we'll get to spend some time together, although probably not since he loves Spider Solitaire more than me.

O.G. has made it known that no matter what, she will ONLY be eating spaghetti and meatballs when we go. She is a goddam liar. I know when the food comes she will be all over it. However, I plan to hold her to this ridiculous proclaimation, since she INSISTED on repeating it to me no less than three times.

We will be ordering at least 4 different dishes and if she reaches for any of them I have instructed everyone in the family to feel free to punch her in the face.
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Ana Ng and I are getting old

I have been a fan of They Might be Giants for...well, over 20 years. Yikes. Back when they were in an apartment in Brooklyn. Back when, my god, I owned the 12" VINYL of their very first single!

Well now that they (and I) are all GROWN UP, my Kid is a fan of theirs too. They are doing cool kid's music now. I bought the dvd "Here Come the ABC's," which is a rockin' good time for anyone, kid or not.

However, having my kid say "Q-U! Q-U!" 120 times over and over til I play it for him, can drive a woman nuts. And while I am no fan of robots, "I am a robot" is really really cute.

Hey, it beats Barney, I'll tell you what.
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Pajama party

Jenn: "Ok, let's go."
MIL: "We're still going to Starbucks? I thought you changed your mind."
Jenn: "Why, cause I'm dressed like this?"
MIL: "Well...yes."
Jenn: "HA! It's a drive thru Starbucks. Don't worry, I'm not getting out of the car."
MIL: "Oh, thank goodness."
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Super baby

Oh for god's sakes. Nick Cage has named his kid Kal-el. Um - that's the birthname of Superman, by the way. While I'm all for loving something enough to be a super fan, I think it highly unfair to lay that down upon a kid for life.

It's funny and all to talk about, but to do it? That takes guts, man. That is why I have to make sure I'm not totally drugged, when they ask for a name at the hospital. I'M IN CHARGE, let's not forget that.

The husband was all about JESUS with the first Kid, and I put a nix on that immediately. This time around he's all about the rappers. And God knows you're not going hear me at the playground yelling: "Tupac, come to mommy."
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Rabies!

Why do I hate other people's kids, you ask? Because some bastard child BIT MY KID'S FACE, at the park today, dammit!

My son is very passive. When other children take his toys, he doesn't complain, he just goes with the flow. (Obviously, he does not take after me.)

My mother in law took him to the park. She said this boy took my Kid's ball, and the boy's aunt told him to apologize. So he "hugged" my Kid, but didn't let go. Then my Kid started screaming. When the boy finally did let go - turns out he had BIT my Kid's FACE. Just great. I blame children's awful behaviors on their stupid ass parents.

I am pissed off, and my Kid has an awful mark on his cheek.

Is it wrong to want to beat down a small child? Yes, but I'm ticked. Bastard kids.
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Hallo, weenie.

It's October - the holidays are coming!

I made up a bunch of these totes and put them in the shop. The Kid is going to go collect candy and then I'm going to eat it. Hey, I'm doing him and his baby teeth a favor...

Dressing up the Kid. I still got nothin'. All I know is, we are taking him to the new Disneyland Halloween Night for kids. When you buy your tickets, they tell you that if you come dressed in a Disney character outfit, you can't sign autographs.

If someone says to me "Hey Mulan, can I have your autograph?" I'm going to be pissed. Considering I won't be dressing up.
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