Tuesday, February 28, 2006

How WILL I know?

It appears I've started a bidding war for my affections between the Wills. I'd say Will is in the lead, but only because he sent me the Batman theme by Sun Ra & The Blues Project.

There is a very good chance I'd run into either, or both of them, seeing as how they frequent the same places I do. But I'm sure when they see me at the Hollywood Farmer's Market and realize that yes, I am that asian chick yelling at her kids to stop touching shit, then they'll run. Oh yes, they'll run.

William, it was really nothing

Do you know how important today is, I mean do you? It's freakin' Pancake Day! The awesomest day in the universe! I love me some pancakes and a whole day to celebrate it, well, this day just can't get any better.

In the mail - Will in Hollywood, (not that Will, this Will) sent me his '2005 Year in Music' comp cd. Too cool. You had me at Rob Dickinson. Why is everyone I know with a blog, either named Will or Jen? Just wondering.

And really, what would K. Federleezy do?

Monday, February 27, 2006

Angela: "I'm not worried about being downsized. I think you've met Kevin."

When I worked in an office, I used to make sweets for people on their birthdays. Well. The people I liked anyway. Suffice it to say I didn't bake that often. Ha.

Nowadays I'll use any reason to bake. Even if it's not my co-worker, but someone else's. Happy Birthday bRuiner.
Mocha cupcakes with coffee frosting. Yum.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

When I look back upon my life,
it's always with a sense of shame

FEH. I am a horrible mother. Just so you know.

One. I taught my Kid to do the 'robot' and force him to do it on command just to amuse the hell out of myself.

Two. The Kid wanted to watch the Wiggles but I made him wait til I watched the last 10 minutes of "Flavor of Love." My god it's like a trainwreck, I can't look away.

Three. While I had my back turned, the Kid proceeded to fill his entire mouth with every bit of his sandwich. When I turned around his eyes were bugging out. He was choking and couldn't breathe. As I screamed - I hit him on the back, and the sandwich dislodged along with a big ol' spew of vomit. Suddenly the Kid thinks he's Mama Cass .

Before child services scoops him up, I decided to show him how much I love him by making him M&M cookies. Turns out he could care less and would rather just take the M&M's, leave the cookie. Ungrateful.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Beyonce, pink the color, Pink the artist, pretty much anything that is awesome...

Ok. Second week now, no Office. It's depressing.

So instead, I give you shoes!!


Thursday, February 23, 2006

this is an audio post - click to play

Santino: "You can't polish a turd."

Things that have horrified me tonight. Robbie Williams "Let Me Entertain You" featured on American Idol. Chemical Brothers "Galvanize" in a Budweiser ad. Badly Drawn Boy's "All Possibilities" used in a goddam Target ad. 3 songs I love. Used and abused. Someone shoot me.

Meanwhile, THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH, never fails to disappoint. Project Runway had their 'reunion' tonight. I swear half those people were high. I love Nick so much I wanna marry him. He should have won.

OH. One other thing that disturbed me, when showing clips for next week's episode, they visited Santino at home. It was MY neighborhood. Good lord.
Make it work.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Eat me

Mug Noodles. The little animal faces are edible. Too cute.


"Last year Jim gave me this card with Dwight’s head on it. It was horrifying and funny…"

Today I got a call from a friend I haven't seen since he moved out of the country. He's in town and he decided to stop by this afternoon. Yikes. Thank god I look decent today. My house, however, does not. Nothing like a visit from a gay man to make you rethink your design choices.

My friend said, "I bought the Kid a gift. I didn't buy anything for the baby cause...well, I don't even know him!" At first I thought this was the dumbest thing ever. Then I thought about it, and I guess he was right.

The three of us spent a lot of time together pre-baby. So yeah, he does know the Kid. And seeing as how the baby is only 2 months old, and he's seen him, what, once? Well, I guess so. The Kid is 2 years old, has a personality, likes and dislikes, a real...person. The baby? Well, all we know is he likes boobs and sleeping. But really, who doesn't?

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Everybody comes to Hollywood
They wanna make it in the neighborhood

Here is the deal with Hollywood. It's a shithole. No, really. When I was younger, it was beat up, run down, a real craphole. Still I went out there almost every week for the record stores and great concerts you couldn't see anywhere else. Now they've 'revamped' it, all fanci-fied with Hollywood and Highland bringing in even more tourists than before. The thing is...it still feels, well, shitty.

I have been to Hollywood and Highland many times, just not with the kids. This time we went and took the Kid to the new Beard Papa's Cafe. The word 'cafe' is pushing it, seeing as how there's about 3 chairs out on a very tiny deck. However the cream puffs didn't disappoint, and if you care, no, the Kid has not gained a single pound despite massive cream puff eating.

But I guess since I was toting the kids this time, I really felt...protective. There are these 'characters' that are out on Hollywood Boulevard, dressed in costume, and the tourists all take pictures with them. What the tourists don't realize is, these aren't people paid by the city, they are just people trying to make a buck, and no lady, your picture with that guy in the faded yellowed Storm Trooper outfit ain't free. As witnessed when I saw some tourist took a picture with Mr. Incredible, and she, looking happy as a lark, was stunned when Mr. Incredible said through his mask, "So, uh, where's my tip lady?" NICE. Disney would be proud.

They are trying to crack down on these hacks. Not only does it look bad, but I heard one tried to knife another. I'm telling you, nothing is more pathetic than a man in an ill-fitting Bart Simpson mask, standing next to a Homer Simpson counting dollar bills.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Gigantic, gigantic, gigantic
A big big love

Either I was impregnated by a giant in my sleep or all that candy I was eating was actually steroids - cause the baby is...HUGE. The 2 year old and 2 month old are wearing...the same...size clothes. There. I said it. I'm sure the newborn will grow into his gigantic-ness, but until he does, people will still feel the need to point it out.

O.G.: (to the baby) "Hi, fatty."
Jenn: "Jesus, Grandma that is so rude."
O.G.: "Well. He's fat."
Jenn: "How would you like it if I called you fat?"
O.G.: "I'm not."

O.G.: "What about fat ass?. I don't even know what that means."
Jenn: "LIAR! You totally know what that means!"
O.G.: (to the baby) "Bye, fat ass."


Sunday, February 19, 2006

I heard it from my friends
about the things you said

I like giving gifts to people. I'm a gift giver. But getting gifts is just as fun! Witness my haul that was in 4 separate boxes on my doorstep today. Hey, people like me! Not my mailman, but someone does.

No, I did not get FEET in my mailbox, that's just plain creepy. The Kid got these cute Paul Frank slippers and not a monkey to be seen on them, go figure! But the next picture makes up for it...

Oh dear lord, I'm glad Myra is my friend. Otherwise I'd have to kidnap her and put her to work in my sweatshop making me these monkey kleenex holders all day long. "No water for you, more monkeys, dammit - NOW!"

Not only that, she made me this very cute wrist pin cushion. Of course I am retarded and may just hit my wrist instead, but it's cute all the same. Look, it's made of a Gatorade bottle top! Mother earth is heaving a sigh of relief.

And finally, my Gifty partner Daru sent me this package of stationery, socks and a rockin' cd. Yay for gifts!

Click on pictures for biggety biggness.


Saturday, February 18, 2006

google me this

Usually people happen upon my blog doing a google search of song lyrics, since I use them as my post titles. However, lately there have been a few odd searches that have brought people here. Such as:

1. Pinky Tuscadero
2. John Krasinksi sexiest man alive
3. Morrissey licks chocolate bar
4. Martin L. Gore lozenge
5. Monkey pees in own mouth

The first two I understand. The 3rd and 4th...eh? That last one...yeah. I don't get it either. #1 is totally my new band name. Our first single? "Morrissey licks chocolate bar."

Thursday, February 16, 2006

I kissed you in the water
and made your dry lips sing

There is no episode of the Office tonight, which sucks cause I could care less about the Olympics. But if you need an 'Office' fix, there is a blog by Pam, where she says that everything down to the looks they give each other, is scripted. It's their job to make those actions seem real. Here's part of the infamous Pam/Jim boat scene:

SPY SHOT: Jim and Pam watch the wake.
PAM: It's getting kind of rowdy in there.
JIM: Yeah.

PAM: Sometimes I just don't get Roy.
Jim looks at her curiously. What's she up to?
PAM (CONT'D): So... is it fun to date a cheerleader?
JIM: Eh.
Jim almost says something more but doesn't. Pam looks at him encouragingly. He still doesn't go on. A moment passes.
PAM: I'm cold.
She turns back inside. Jim takes a deep breath and shakes off a sense that he just blew something, then follows her.

Not bad! Acting is hard! I bet Jack Bauer could do it in his sleep.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Put it on, and don't say a word
Put it on, the one that I prefer

Daniel, yay!
Sure, it's just fashion, it's just fashion, but I am realizing that in less than 7 months CoolBeans will be getting married and I too, will be walking down the aisle. Preferably in something cute with heels, but hey, it's not my wedding.

I do get to have a say in my dress, being a MOH has its perks, but I have been warned to stay away from anything that accentuates the top heavy. Nice.

Course when she was my bridesmaid, my dressmaker told her to draw attention away from her flat chest. So I guess we have similar, yet opposite problems.

Forget all that, I like clean silhouettes, a-lines and nice fabric. Here are the top 4 that I like, with links.
What do you think, any good?

i'm mr blue, i'm here to stay with you...
when you're lonely - i'll be lonely too

Most people I know have become my friends through a love of similar music. This goes back all the way to grade school.

So today I got an email from my friend about our love for Yaz, and damn him, now that's all I've been listening to ALL DAY. Course I *heart* Mr. Vincent Clarke to no end, so it's all ok.

I have also been tivo-ing TONS of 80's videos. Apparently there are blocks of them on at 4am. Videos I've been privy to:
a very young
Pet Shop Boys - "Suburbia"
Arcadia - "Election Day"
Bananarama - "Venus"

Dead or Alive - "Brand New Lover."

Christ, I need to get a job.

**I put "first 5 songs from iPod," in a list on the left, for those who care about such things. "Sugar Walls" - Sheena Easton was number 6. Just missed the cut.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Lips like sugar

People ask me for recipes all the time. What I get asked for the most is crock pot recipes.

Everyone loves a crock pot! Well, not 'bffjeningeorgia'. She thinks raw meat sitting in a pot all day is disgusting. Well, when you put it like that...

This is a recipe that I use for parties. I made it for the Kid's birthday - which I realize was a month ago, but hey, my camera is acting crazy, so take what you can get.

People just LOVE this recipe. But really, how can you go wrong with anything covered in bacon and brown sugar, hm?
Recipe, HERE.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Happy Valentine's Day

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

Let's get this straight. I don't watch 24. The only Kiefer William Frederick Dempsey George Rufus Sutherland I can appreciate, was either back in the Young Guns days or 'death by stereo' days.

Even though I don't watch it, this "60 things about Jack Bauer" totally rocks the house. (As Dwight would say. And as I will continue to say, now and forever.)

This post is all for my buddy Mr. Anderson. Cause "when life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade."

Saturday, February 11, 2006

If this is love, it breaks my heart.
You made me, promises, promises.

Time: 10:09pm
iPod party shuffle:
"Mirrorball" - Everything but the Girl
"To Cut a Long Story Short" - Spandau Ballet
"Monsoon" - Robbie Williams
"Clean Slate" - Seaweed
"Funky Shit" - The Prodigy

IM is my friend. It allows me to talk to someone I like very much**, someone I miss very much, and someone I see all the time. How 'bout that?

I came back to a little flashing light and the 'person I miss', who I hadn't seen in over a year, was right there! It's like we were sitting next to each other all over again. I wish he was around more, cause who else am I going to talk to about Echo and the Bunnymen?

It's kind of sad when you don't get hang out with the people you enjoy, as often as you'd like. It makes me feel like a sad robot. Yeah, this whole post was just so I could put up my drawings of the sad robot. Sorry. You've been ripped off.

**Nanette likes to get crunked and IM late at night.

Groove is in the heart

Ok. I rarely use people's real names or say important things on here, but I better do it now.

Christine Pechera was one of my 3 roommates in college. We had tons of fun together doing THE STUPIDEST CRAP you can think of. Driving her car while she hung on to the hood would be one. Staying up late while she videotaped me dancing to Dee-Lite for her student film, would be another. (I hope she burned that shit.)

We had the same taste in music. She got me my dj job. She had the night shift, I had the morning shift. She was always incredibly funny and incredibly talented, I thought. She even has her own IMDB page.

Somehow, as it always happens, I lost touch with her. I saw her a little over a year ago and all was well. Now, not so much. She's in trouble. Suddenly every where I turn on the internet, people are talking about her relapse. Wil Wheaton, Rachael Leigh Cook, Franklin Avenue, channel 7 news, myspace. Everyone knows about Christine...and it's fantastic. I hope that through all of this press, she gets what she needs.

I wish I could do more, but all I can do is get the word out.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

It's me! I'M the bobblehead!

Oh, if only someone would buy me a HAM for Valentine's Day.

You say eggs, I say FRITTATA

Here's an exchange that is likely to happen between Leslie and I, on any given day. Even in winter:

"Its hot."
"Is it just me, or is it really hot today?"
"This heat is KILLING ME."

"I am hot."
"Why is it 90 degrees in February??"

and finally:

So hot you could fry an egg on the sidewalk. But instead - I will show you a recipe for one of Leslie's fave dishes, FRITTATA, baby! (But mini.)

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

all FOUR nothing

I used to work on Star Trek 'related things' and never ever saw a Star Trek movie. So First Contact was on but I got distracted by turning the channel and watching a documentary on Nachos on the history channel...anything to avoid doing a meme. But I can't prolong it.

So far TWO people have tagged me for this and I have yet to do it! Not that anyone cares that I used to work for Hello Kitty or that I like taquitos, but here you go.

Four Things:
Four jobs I've had:
1. worked in a Hello Kitty store
2. Record Store retail (when they actually sold records/vinyl)
3. Walt D*sney Imag*neer
4. radio station dj

Four movies I can watch over and over:
1. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
2. Mallrats
3. Back to the Future
4. Fifth Element

Four places I've lived:
1. Los Angeles

Four TV shows I love:
1. The Office, BBC
2. The Office, NBC
3. Project Runway
4. Ham on the Street

Four places I've vacationed:
1. Italy
2. New York
3. Hawaii
4. Florida

Four of my favorite dishes:
1. Taquitos or TITO's Tacos
2. Coffee anything.
4. chicken and waffles

Four sites I visit daily:
1. everything you see on the right

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. New York
2. Disneyland
3. buying shoes
4. getting coffee

'Cause I'm the winner, no, I'm not the loser...ladies love me, girls adore me

I have TWO cookies to give away, Maria and Joyce, congrats!
email me your address!

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

The grabbing hands, grab all they can

*the contest* is CLOSED.

This season mini skirts are "in". Ohhh, no. As much as I want one, I won't be tricked, just like I didn't fall for last season's "gaucho pants" debacle. Gauchos are for tall girls and I am no such thing.

However, I did succumb to shoes, as I always do. I used an xmas gift card to purchase these lovely things, canvas platform heels. The weird thing is, I usually am a size 7, but these are a 6! Don't tell me my feet are shrinking. I can't afford to buy all new shoes.

Along with the xmas gift card (greatest things ever) purchases, I used one to get a massage. When I called the spa, they asked me if I wanted a man or a woman. I said I didn't care. I think this was a mistake - cause of course, I got a man. Now, I'm no prude, but when you go to a spa for a massage they 'recommend' you get completely naked. Uh - no thanks, not happening. And thank goodness I didn't, because my 'male masseuse' , when doing the upper leg area, put his hands pretty much as high as you could go without being my doctor.
Nice to meet you, stranger.

Anyway - there were other gift card purchases made today, however none of those had to do with being violated, thankfully.

Monday, February 06, 2006

What's the deal with my brain?
Why am I so obviously insane?

Time: 10:30pm
Eating: ice water
iPod party shuffle:
"Born Slippy" - Underworld
"I Love New York" - Madonna
"Harbour Force" Railway Children
"I'm Gonna Soothe You" Maria McKee
"Death & Glory" The Clash
"Santa Baby" - Eartha Kitt

This came in the mail from amazon today.
Thanks amazon, I *heart* you, too.

*That book has a built in stand, how cute is that?
God, I'm such a sucker.

Wielding a bicycle chain - Oh, why won't you change? Change and be nicer?

Project Runway is one of my fave shows to watch. But what kills me is the people on the show who DON'T KNOW HOW TO SEW. That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. How are you supposed to put your garments together if you can't sew, scotch tape? Wait a minute, that'd be pretty awesome.

And yes, for all who care, a serger is god's gift. The end.

Just like when I was in design school, there are some catty bitches on that show. Nick is my fave (gotta love a faux-hawk) but I think Daniel's gonna win. And that's just fine too. As long as it's not Santino. Cause it's FASHION! It's just fashion!!

Saturday, February 04, 2006

3 years of blogging - CONTEST!

Some of my blogger friends get between 25 and 45 comments EACH POST. That is insane. I have been told by these friends that I do not want their kind of popularity as it will only lead to crazies following me down the street. Um...too late, been there.

However, I am happy and surprised that people read this blog. I appreciate it and I am glad that someone finds what I write amusing. Some of my best friends I have made through this thing. I know. I'm a huge nerd. Anyway, it's been three years now, and I think, maybe, I'll keep writing. We'll see.

I know, shut up, what about the contest? Well, to celebrate 3 years of craft-astic blog-i-ness, I offer you this: Leave me a comment - win a fab prize. Just say 'hi' or tell me your favorite band or something. I will randomly pick a winner, and the fab prize? Well, I started with this idea. It went from being designed in my head, to sketch, to paper, to...COOKIE!

That's right, be the first to get one of my original designs, in cookie form. This was an experiment to see if it'd work for coolbeans shower, and I think they came out pretty good. My friend calls them 'busty ladies,' but I'd rather call them 'cookie chicks', More pleasant. I'm going to give one to my gifty, and now you may just get one for yourself! Get yours now before I turn my business into Mrs. Fields, up in this mutha.

So delurk - just this one time. You might get lucky.
Thanks for reading.

*I'll end the contest on Wednesday. Recipe HERE.

Friday, February 03, 2006

We all laugh and we cry don't we?
We all bleed and we smile.

Here's the deal on the tooth. Since I know everyone's dying to know. I went to the 'specialist dentist' today. I have seen the future. And it's covered in plastic.

This dude's office was like the inside of a saran wrap box. Every visible thing was covered. I've heard of germaphobe, but this is insane. The instruments, the lights, the xray blocker... the CHAIR. What??

This specialist was also very hi-tech. I was in awe. He had cool software that took digital xrays. He had some scary rubber mask thing to cover half my face. He had me wear SUNGLASSES. Maybe he's just a freak. Or maybe he really likes the Fifth Element. Hey, I can dig it. Cause that's what the whole thing seemed like to me. A set out of a sci-fi movie, in which my tooth was the star.

He also had an overhead camera so you could WATCH what was going on. I closed my eyes at first cause I was freaked out about what I might see, but by the end, I was rivieted. I couldn't stop watching my tooth on tv. And suddenly...there it was.

The THING. The thing that the 'butcher dentist' left in my tooth! I saw it! Turns out I have two more visits before they can see if my tooth is even saveable due to that a-hole's mistake.

Believe it or not, I am in no pain, but I feel really, really sad. Just awful sad, cause who knew there was such a thing as a bad dentist? I don't wanna sue. I just wanna cry. And move on - hopefully, with my tooth.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

How can someone so beautiful be so sad?

What was so pathetic about tonight's episode of the Office was the fact that I've BEEN to one of those "all women" meetings, and holy shit, it was exactly like that. We too, had to talk about our dreams and such. Like Pam, I basically sat there sketching the entire time to avoid reality. Um, also I may have galvanized the whole "yeah let's do this!" attitude of most of the women... just to amuse myself. Maybe.

I also had a "Jim" that I went running to, to tell about all the crazy shit that went down. However my Jim was gay. And asian.

What happened in our meeting? The girls wanted to 'unite' and take over one of the coed bathrooms (yes we had those) as their own. The particulars of what made up a 'girl only' bathroom, I have no idea. But 'my Jim' assured me that it probably had to do with pictures of vaginas hanging on the wall.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I pity the fool

Mr. T shows us the sights.

*stolen from Franklin Ave. cause I'm lazy like that.

achy breaky

Let's say a so-called "good friend" emailed you a picture of a man with a mullet and titled it, "Jennslover." Would you -
Kick her ass
Take her to Tito's
Buy her some MOM JEANS
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Only it wasn't a man. DOH!

*Tito's Tacos (warning - addictive theme song. NOT.)

*Mom Jeans