Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Sweet little girl. I prefer. You behind the wheel. And me the passenger.

Would you miss me, if I was gone?
Cause I got a new shirt.
And I'm leaving you.


You wear guilt, like shackles on your feet

I am thinking of going back to work. I stopped by the old office for a visit. Things are different now. There were LOTS of new people, very very young ones. Just out of college, early 20's - young ones.

sK: "Did you notice all the cute young guys that work here now?"
Jenn: "Uh, yeah. Why was it only fat old dudes in their 50s when I was here?"
sK: "I dunno, but things have changed..."

Then I talked a bit with an old co-worker, to see if the door was still open, but I got the impression he didn't want me anymore. I guess it's time to move on.
I can always drown my sorrows in my pink skull shoes.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Let me show you the world in my eyes

I looked in the mirror and noticed...the end bit of my eyebrow was...missing. What?

Luckily I was headed to get my brows done today, and I asked the girl, "what's the deal?" She said, "Sometimes your hair sheds. Even the eyebrows, starting at the end of brow - for no reason. Usually after a pregnancy." Hm. I did notice that the hair on my head was falling out a little when I brushed it. But still. Does this mean that I will wake up tomorrow with NO EYEBROWS? Cause let me tell you. I. Will. Freak.

Here's a picture of when they looked good. Sad.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Welcome to the jungle

My mother got stabbed this weekend. You heard me. Nothing like getting mugged to ruin a perfectly good Saturday. *sigh* She's fine, and a lot cooler about it, than I would have been. Maybe now she's all hardcore and sh*t. HA.

I told her she can use it as an excuse for EVERYTHING now. When O.G. asks her to pick up the mail, she can be all, "I can't pick up your mail....I'VE BEEN STABBED." I would totally do that, but then again, I am annoying.

Instead of being stabbed she should have accompanied us to the San Diego Wild Animal Park. I think it's better than the Zoo cause the animals roam free, which is kinda cool. We saw rhinos, Nubian ipeks ("What's a nubian?" Sorry, had to go there.), giraffes, and of course...wild ass. Lovely name, that.


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Sunday, April 23, 2006

I turn sideways to the sun,
keep my thoughts from everyone

I got in a quick Sunday afternoon nap and had a vivid dream.
My dreams. They are expressive, always in color, always with a soundtrack, and they feel oh so real. It's freaky.

Last night I dreamt that I was a guest at someone's wedding. The reception tables were all lined up in the sand next to the beach. I remember this, because I didn't have shoes on, and I could feel the sand between my toes. The tables were tiny, only about 18 inches across. Like cafe tables. There were these puffy purple flowers in boxes on the tables. I remember poking them over and over to see if they were real. They almost looked like marshmallow peeps.

People were dancing, and everyone was wearing white. The song playing was "World" by New Order. This was the soundtrack for the entire dream. (Told you - vivid.) I was wearing a short white dress and the man next to me was wearing a white button down shirt. I looked over and remember feeling very in love, and when I saw his face, it was....this guy.

What? Kevin Connolly? Who's that? I've only seen Entourage, like twice. Maybe it wasn't him but he was playing a character. I dunno but it seemed like we were desperately in love. We were holding hands, and the sun was coming up, and as I heard the last lines of the song, "If we could buy it now (that's the price of love), How long would it last..." I woke up.

What do you think this dream means?
Maybe that I should renew HBO.
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Boy in the bubble

Tickets to the Taco Bell* Discovery Science Center Bubblefest: $11.

Tickets to see "international bubble superstar" Fan Yang: $3.

My sore throat & the Kid's 'sty eye': Priceless.

Where there are strange kids, there are communicable diseases.
*cough cough*
Ugh.



*Yes, that's it's official name. I hate that sh*t.
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Friday, April 21, 2006

If Jack Bauer was manager at the Gap...

Cooking or crack? I'll take cooking.
Also, this reminds me. I need to buy more tank tops.
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Thursday, April 20, 2006

My vulnerability rushes up to me, til I'm left here, the rebel without a cause

I have been listening to Union Street over and over and it was just as good, and as lovely as I expected it to be. But hey, that's just my opinion. What do I know.

So. Shoes. I have worn Converse for years and years. They last for a really long time, and for some reason, every pair I have owned up until this point, have been burgandy. Until now. I saw these lovely...what I like to call, Pantone grey #431.

Oh, the soulless ache of the grey shoe. I want to hold it close and give it a hug and tell it that everything will be alright. Or, not. Maybe I'll just wear them and call it a day.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

She couldn't help thinking that there was a little more to life, somewhere else

According to the L.A. Times, 'American Girl' is opening a new store at the Grove. This is nothing but bad news to me. I like the Grove. A lot. If I could ever get there. You see, I live 15 miles away from the Grove. According to mapquest, that should take 27 minutes. However every time I head that way, it takes at least 57 minutes. At least.

And by the time I do make it there, while I love the little meters that tell me how many parking spots are left on every floor, we all know that by the time I make it to the third level, some jerk in their new Hummer is going to take the very spot that was pre-destined to be mine. L.A. is rough terrain, Hummers abound.

Back to the dollies. I am no fan of dolls. I have never liked them, and I never owned them. I had dollhouses, no dolls. I guess that's why I became an architect. Let's bring this full circle. I know nothing about dolls, however I did much research on American Girl, seeing as how they were a possible client, way back when. Turns out these things are HUGE with the 'tween set. Who knew. You can have parties for the girls AND their dolls, get them outfits to match your own, some stores even have hairdressing stations...for the dolls. You heard me.

Anyway, I love the Grove. I love it for it's open air faux-Italian plaza with it's 'let'sbelikeVegasbutnotsomuch' dancing water show. I loved it before the renovation, when I could get some beignets and coffee and relax on a Sunday morning. But now. Now with the dolls and the traffic and the, ugh? I just don't think I will ever see the Grove again. 15 miles is a long long way away.
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All I want to do is see you again
Is that too much to ask for

Will, Will, Will, or Will.
Will is right. I am going to see...DM and the Wiggles! Not on the same bill. Cause there's no goth Wiggle. That I know of.

Here's a nice recipe for pork chops.

More importantly, why is my hair doing this?
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Tuesday, April 18, 2006

This is the last song I will ever sing
No I've changed my mind again

All of these people are playing concerts in the next few weeks.
Yes, Echo! No, I'm not joking. What?
I will be going to TWO shows.
Ah, but can you guess which two?

INXS
Aimee Mann
Jimmy Buffet
Dinosaur Jr.
ABC & The English Beat
Depeche Mode
Coachella
Erasure
The Sweet & Tender Hooligans
Better Than Ezra
Ice Cube
Margaret Cho
The Wiggles
The Muffs
John Tesh
New Edition
Echo and the Bunnymen
Junior Senior

As I live and breathe, you have killed me,
you have killed me

I do love Morrissey. So much.
From NME:
The singer then later picked on U2 again. Responding to a recent poll that had voted the Irish band's song 'One' one of the best lyrics of all time, Morrissey quipped to his audience, "I noticed in the newspapers in a lyrical competition Bono did better than me. He's really nice, but really?"

Try to see it once my way, everything zen, everything zen, I don't think so

Someone explain to me why KROQ uses the tag: "L.A. & O.C.'s NEW ROCK" - then they play Bush's "Glycerine," circa 1994? Christ, even Gavin Rossdale doesn't listen to Bush anymore.

As I type this I have been on hold with customer service for going on 27+ minutes, trying to figure out why they decided to cancel my credit card without my knowledge. This only served as fuel for embarassment as I stood at the bakery (sans cash, this is L.A. we don't use paper money anyway) trying to buy a $5 coffee cake, when the kid at the register yelled out, "Your card has been DENIED." Now the world knows I cannot afford a $5 coffee cake.

All this is after I used the last of my xmas giftcard to get a massage to relieve my 'stress', kinda got felt up, and the guy says, 'Man you're tense.'

Oh, and I think the Kid has pink eye. Yep. It's one of those days.
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Monday, April 17, 2006

You're so cute when you're slurring your speech

So Oprah told me (yeah, she's totally my BFF) that most women are wearing the wrong size bra. You are supposed to measure yourself to find the right fit, then you take those numbers, put them in HERE and presto, you have your size.

Note to self: Don't do this while the Kid is watching, cause then whenever he sees a measuring tape he'll tell people...

this is an audio post - click to play

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Sunday, April 16, 2006

Michael: Apparently in the medicine community, negative means good. Which makes absolutely no sense. In the real-world community that would be chaos.

You may be wondering what happened with the Kid and his 'high fat diet.' Or not. I mean who cares, he's not your kid, right?

Well we went to the doctor last week, and lo and behold...no weight gain. I knew this before we got there. So me, *smartie* - I bundled him up in the heaviest clothes I could find, shoes on and everything, and threw him on the scale. He went up from 20lb 8oz to 21 lb 2oz. Ha. It fooled the doctor enough to let him slide. Nice. I shoulda put rocks in his pockets for good measure.

It got me thinking. How much extra do clothes weigh? So I went home and weighed myself. My jeans weigh more than a pound. Wow, that seems like a lot. Completely naked I weighed 2-1/2 pounds less. Even weirder.

So what did I learn from this experiment? Mostly that I should close my shades when I'm standing naked on the scale.
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Saturday, April 15, 2006

Take me I'm yours, now I'm coming up for air






Winners! See how I keep it real? Woodsy was pulled first but she is disqualified, seeing as how I made her this mighty fine notepad for her birthday. Too bad, sucker. So Will and CarolB are the winners, yay!

Oh. And Happy Easter.

Friday, April 14, 2006

Last chance, for romance...tonight

Last chance to enter the contest. Just sayin'.

The cookies are sealed for freshness! Yes. I have a professional sealer. Shut up.


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Thursday, April 13, 2006

One and one make five

I was tagged to do a '5 things meme' but do I follow the rules, NO SIR!
Cause nobody puts baby in the corner!
Or, um, rules are for sissies!
Or something.


Instead I give you 5 more things of randomness.
*sigh* Hi, I'm boring.

1. No 'Office' on tv makes Jenn very unhappy. It also makes Jenn speak in the third person, apparently.

2. On Jonesey's Jukebox today, he made my laugh:
"...that was from Morrissey's new album 'Ringleader of the Tormentors'. To'mentos? TOMENTOS? That sounds like some kind of chip..."

3. My friend suggested that I needed the biggest cabbage I could find. Rude. She said she was a size A and therefore needed a small one. I suggested brussel sprouts.

4. I. CAN'T. WAIT.

5. Three days after my MIL's arrival: the baby is now on the bottle, and the Kid is peeing in the toilet. I am considering giving up parental rights and moving out of town - since I am such a failure. I'll send you an email so you know where to find me.
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Seven lies, multiplied by seven, multiplied by seven again, seven angels with seven trumpets

After a long AIM conversation about boobs, cabbage and the number 7, (don't ask.) I decided to write down 7 random things, for no reason whatsoever.

1. Why is it that whenever I get into the car, Incubus is on the radio? I get it. They are local. We are supposed to love them. At this point, I feel like Brandon Boyd is stalking me and wants my love child.

2. What kind of a kisser are you?

3. Like Batman? Listen to Adam West on Kevin & Bean where Ralph talks about showing Adam his Batman collection...and the fact that he arrived to his wedding...in the Batmobile.

4. It seems that I wasn't the first to corner the market on the new 'cabbage bra'. Look at that pot pie recipe, no really, stop looking at her boobs and look at the recipe - what in the f* is FAUX CHICKEN? Wouldn't that be called 'ficken?'

5. Ah. My favorite nerdy boy with glasses. How can you resist him? What would Turbo and Ozone do.....WWTOD?

6. I have lost 15 pounds in the last 7 weeks (oh...7...scary). Eating ice cream and doing a whole lotta nothing sure pays off.

7. I have tried to buy tickets for this tour in two different cities. Both sold out. Shucks.

Jesus, it's 1:07am. Seven again! That's a sign. I should be sleeping.

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Wednesday, April 12, 2006

One day the boy decided, to let them know the way he felt inside, he could not stand to hide it

**ENTER THE CONTEST!**

Have you ever read 'Hell Is Other People' by Jean-Paul Sartre? Today I was in my own version of it, at the car dealership. I was getting my car serviced which meant an hour in a waiting room with strangers and free donuts. The hell part, was the fact that the Tyra Banks show was on a tv, with no remote, a lock box, and thus no way to change the station.

I settled into a chair with the newspaper and my free donut. To my right - a 40 something hispanic male eating pnuttles. To my left, a very large 60 something white male with a moustache, and to his left a 20 something asian dude who was sleeping. Tyra's topic for the day was 'People who need to reveal secrets.' There was this girl who was about to meet some guy she had met on the internet, and they had fallen in love. BUT WAIT. First she needed to tell him a secret.

Internet girl was crying. She met this guy on myspace and he was HOT. The secret must be horrible. It's eating away at her. Can't you see by her tear stained face? As the camera went in for the close up, the man on my right stopped eating his pnuttles. The moustache man on my left leaned forward, and the asian dude...well he kept sleeping. I looked up from reading the paper...

"...and my secret is..." Click. Black screen. Cable went out. WHAT THE...You could almost hear me, pnuttle guy and moustache man collectively gasp. Then we kind of eyed each other and all sat back in our seats, slightly embarrassed.

When the cable came back on, we never found out what that chick's problem was, but her internet lover was in for a surprise I'm sure.
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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Contest redux

It's Easter, bitches. Forget Jesus, bring on the candy. Just kidding. Jesus kicks Wolverine ass!

And with that sentence full of profanity and sacrilege, I give you, yet ANOTHER CONTEST. I know - ho hum. Well suck it up, I've got free time and free time means cookies. I made some very cute Easter cookies, one of which is a BIG cookie girl! When I say 'big girl' I'm talkin' plus size, she's a full 8 inches tall!

This cookie could be yours! Simply leave a comment in this post, and like last time, you too may be a winner!
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Monday, April 10, 2006

Cabbage patch kids



I went to the Farmer's Market and bought a head of cabbage. I think my father-in-law is wondering why we haven't eaten it for dinner yet. Little does he know...I'm wearing it.
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Everything's Gone Green

I usually avoid roll cakes. They are a pain in the ass - I know this from years and years of making Buche de Noel cakes for Christmas. However, some weird inspiration hit, and I suddenly was in a roll cake frenzy.

This is typically known as a jelly roll cake, cause, well there's jelly in it. Of course. Instead, I made the sponge cake using 'matcha powder' also known as green tea powder. It gives the cake a sickly green tinge, but don't let that stop you. I've seen this done here, but always one to avoid too many steps, I figured out a way easier recipe and instead, filled it with green tea's best friend: 'An' or sweetened red azuki bean.

See, green tea and azuki bean go together like..like..ebony and ivory?...Batman and Robin? How about peas n' carrots - except tastier.

And this cake is super simple to roll, which believe me, can be a problem if proper steps are not taken. It's a lot simpler than it sounds. You can see each step on the recipe page. I make those recipe pages, by the way, to prove that it's a lot easier to make things when you see each step. If you only see the final product, you have no idea how to get there. At least this way, you know, 'hey, it's supposed to look like that.' Eh, who knows. You probably don't care anyway. Like my friend told me, 'Just make it. I'll eat it.'

Matcha Roll Cake recipe.

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Sunday, April 09, 2006

Yo ho, yo ho

Alright, I'm not totally free of the kids. In fact, they are pretty much always with me, it's just that with the extra help, now I don't have to do all the heavy lifting myself. So don't go calling child services, they're right here and just fine.

In fact, today I took them to the 'Pirate' park. A pretty big park with two big ol' pirate ships to climb on and play. Of course my Kid finds that throwing a golf ball at an inanimate object is a much more pleasing way to pass the time. Don't worry, I stopped him before public property was destroyed. Honest.


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Saturday, April 08, 2006

Know when to walk away and know when to run



I guess I should rethink my Christmas gift list.

So I was reading this article in Parents magazine about this woman who had plastic surgery. I was pretty much anti-plastic surgery til I read this article. Now I want it. Sort of. Maybe not.

This woman had twins and got so damn huge, that afterwards, she had lots of tummy/skin left over. She exercised, lost 30 pounds and it still remained. She got a tummy tuck and now looks like her pre-pregnancy self. If that was the end of the story, I'd say sign me up, cause I look like crap. However, the story goes on to detail how the surgery is performed (where they cut you), they advised her to get lipo too while she was at it to 'even her shape out,' and the kicker, the fact that it costs $10,000. Her husband was like 'no way', so she got her mom to pay for it. That all seems a little ridiculous. Just live with it already.

So while I am not exactly happy with the way I look,
1. I can buy a sh*tload of shoes with $10K
2. I don't want to end up looking like Kenny Rogers.
HAVE YOU SEEN KENNY ROGERS LATELY? Good lord. I liked his face before. It had character. Now he couldn't even pass for one of those guys on the 'men who look like Kenny Rogers website.' Sad.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Sweatin' to the oldies

No I'm not in jail. Nor am I playing pinball, for the next month and a half. The kids are still by my side, it's just that the in-laws are here, which means more free time for me. *insert sigh of relief* I was about to lose it for a while there. The terrible twos are really, well, terrible.

The Kid is on some kick where he needs to scream before he takes a nap. Does that sound grating to you? Well come over and experience it in person. You'd rather stab your eyeballs out. At least I would.

Somedays I feel bad and end up crawling into bed with him. It seems the only true way to make him sleep is to have him put his ear to my chest and tuck his head under my chin. It sounds sweet doesn't it? It is - except for his little boy sweat-i-ness. Why do little boys sweat so much? I mean, good god, it's like they've taken a bath in their sleep! If I woke up in a pool of my own sweat, I think I'd be a little upset. Doesn't seem to phase him one bit.

So while I have these babysitters, I am making the most of things. So that means look for lots of baking posts. Lots and lots of them.
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I'm free, to do what I want, any old time

Today my life is changing.
Today I am free.
Free from kids.
Free from husband.
Free from stress.
Ah, sweet freedom.

What would you do with all this freedom? Any suggestions? If anyone wants to hang out I'm free for the next month and a half.
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Thursday, April 06, 2006

the other white meat

I am the Queen of coupons. Bow down to me.

So, there is this commercial that runs on the food network for 'Pork: The Other White Meat.' Since it's animated, the Kid is fascinated, so much so that he begs and pleads to 'See the PORK!' Weirdo.

The thing about this commercial is, it features a pork chop and an apricot totally getting it on, resulting in...a glazed pork chop. Hello nasty. See for yourself.

Told you I was good with the coupons:

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

There's only one Return,
and it's not of the King, it's of the JEDI.

1. Clerks II trailer.

2. I don't find this funny. PHOOEY.

3. Oh and hey. That's a lotta little fishies.


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Do you remember? There was a time...

So I'm sitting in the car, readying the baby to go into the store. This car pulls around the corner, and the guy looks so familiar. Then I realize it's someone I knew a lifetime ago, who I hadn't seen for about 10 years!

I strap the baby on to me (thank you, Bjorn) and go inside. As I look down the aisles for him - I think, there's no way he could recognize me, anyway. I don't have glasses anymore and my hair is about 12 inches shorter.

I turn the corner and he's standing there. As I say his name, his eyes get really big and he says, "OH MY GOD." I hate starting conversations with, "Do you remember me...Jenn?" I feel like a jackass. But that's what I did, and he did in fact recognize me and looked at the baby and said, "You've been busy." Ha. Why do people say that? It's like you're supposed to say, "Yes, I've been busy having sex. Here's the proof." Whatever.

Anyway, I think it's weird to randomly run in to people like that. This city is so big, yet not. But it happens all the damn time. Especially with movie stars too, which is even more odd. Cause for a while I thought Tori Spelling was stalking me.
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Tuesday, April 04, 2006

a heartless hand on my shoulder,
a push and it's over

Last night. 3am.
Morrissey: M is for Manchester. Oh cable tv, I love you and you love me and we should get married!

Even though my cousin insists, he's 'fat and tired looking, thus perfect for VH1', I still *heart* Morrissey. Ringleader of the Tormentors - his newest release, comes out today. I would say this is one of his best albums. The past few have been slightly disappointing, although I'd still buy anything he puts out. But RotT seems to bring him back to the good ol' Moz we know and love.

In addition to this cd, there's ton of things that I am waiting to purchase. These things will get all the cash I make when I pull up a box on the street corner and sell lemonade:

IMA ROBOT
An L.A. band. "Your love creeps me out." They are playing the Sunset Strip tonight for a mere $7. Check it out.

Replacements - Best of
I know that this boy likes 'em. So do I.
Here's what pitchfork says:
"Shit, even if these two new songs are an embarrassment, isn't that just the kind of Replacements-worthy fuckup that's always made them so endearing? Yeah, either way we win."
Indeed.

Erasure - Union St.
After DM, my second favorite band in the whole wide world. Acoustic? Here's my ATM PIN number, take whatever you want.

Stereophonics - Live from Dakota Even if they are called the "Matchbox Twenty" of Britpop. Blech. Phooey to that, I still like 'em. This is good stuff.

Sondre Lerche - Duper Sessions
Unlike all the other 23 year olds that annoy me, this is one who I DO think is awesome. His new stab at jazz-pop.
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Monday, April 03, 2006

All I want to do is see you again, is that too much to ask for?

How long should you let your kid cry?
10 minutes? An hour? Two days?

Well, with the wonders of technology I can now 'watch' the baby and see what all the fuss is about. Is there a ghost in the room? Did he swallow his fist? Whatever, now it's all on a video baby monitor for me to see.

The sad thing is, I can't stop watching the thing. It's riveting. Even after he starts crying, I just...stare at the screen. Only until he reaches a full high pitch screech do I realize, 'Hey, maybe I should pick him up.' Or not. Maybe I'll just turn down the volume.


*The more red lights, the louder the crying.
Hi. I'm a bad mother.

Awesome like pink the color, Pink the artist...

I know I keep saying that stupid Office line over and over cause it amuses me, but this time I mean it.

My cousin is a rockin' bass guitarist. She mostly plays in metal bands, but was also in the Los Angeles female punk band L7, and most recently is the bassist for Pink. I think she said they met through Exene Cervenka, yet another great L.A. based woman. Anyway, when Pink goes on tour, so does my cousin. And with the new album out, she is all over the tv. I know that among other things, they will be on Regis & Kelly, Conan and Ellen. So next time you see the band behind the lead singer - know that they are pretty cool too.

Meanwhile, the Kid and I wore similar tees today.


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Sunday, April 02, 2006

Ned Ryerson? BING!

Ok, let me explain. Normally, me - not a fan of the April Fool's Day jokes. However, it was 2am, and well, Myra and I were drunk. Or, maybe not. But at 2am, it sounded funny.

Anyway, that whole first paragraph, I actually did write that a while back. I really was thinking of shutting this blog down cause, well, stalkers are scary. Let's leave it at that. And if you were actually happy that I was going to stop blogging? Well, sorry. I'm here still here, bitches.

Someone asked me what I do at night. What the hell? Why anyone cares I have no idea. Well, besides come up with stupid things to post at 2am, basically the boys get their zzz's on at about 8:30. Then I start reading that big ol' list of blogs, answer emails, IM, fill orders and listen to music. Then I sleep, and the whole day starts all over again.

I'm f*cking stuck in Groundhog Day. You know, when the alarm goes off and he hears the djs.."It's GROUNDHOG DAY!!"? Yeah, that's how I feel every morning. I keep hoping one day I'll wake up and I'll be a different Bill Murray. Like Bill Murray in Life Aquatic or at least Caddyshack. Come on, let's break up the monotony.
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Saturday, April 01, 2006

Well, it's come to this. I've looked through my old posts and, well...I'm boring. I've completely bored myself, me - with the repetition. I mean, who wants to read about shoes and Depeche Mode all the time?

I keep talking about it, but now I've decided, after much consideration, that I should shut this blog down. Close it out and move on.

There are a lot more interesting craft blogs, or blogs that give better recipes, hell, there are people who are way more amusing than me, that's for sure, and you can probably find them all in my links. I just don't think I have anything 'good' to say anymore. I can't even think of a title for this post, so that should tell you something!

Anyway, if you liked what I've had to say for the past three years, I appreciate it. Way more than you will ever know. Thanks for reading.
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