Thursday, August 31, 2006

Warm n' toasty

I just realized that haven't really eaten in three days. I cook constantly, I just don't have time to eat. I make three meals a day and they are ALL separate meals. Something for the Baby. Something different for the Kid and again something different for the husband. (The Kid, he's particular.) Me, I just don't get around to eating. I have too much going on.

The one thing that I do love that is quick and easy, is cinnamon toast. I often ate it as a kid and I love the comforting taste and smell. I like to melt the butter first, then add the perfect amount of cinnamon and a lot of sugar. I usually try and make myself a piece in the morning. But that usually goes bust (as it did today) and I find it on the counter approximately 4 hours later. No longer warm, slightly hard, but still that delicious smell that makes me happy. I could use a truckload of cinnamon toast today.


This looks like it's been pecked at by wild birds. It took me all day to eat this. A bite here, a bite there. This will end up being breakfast, lunch and dinner. Oh and the Benadryl - pretty much a staple around here lately with an apple juice chaser.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Hatful of Hollow

If you do a good deed, it will come back to you. I hope that this is true. Today I went through the drive thru atm. A car left as I approached, and I looked to see that the guy had left his atm card IN the machine, where you could STILL take out money! Good lord. I didn't want to go chasing after him, so I took the card out - cancelled his transaction, then did mine. Even though I was in a huge hurry, I pulled over, went into the bank and gave them the guy's card. I hope someone does the same for me one day.


When I got home, my good deed reward was on my doorstep. sko_G was standing there with a present, a freshly knitted hat...just for me! (Since I don't knit, he is my personal on call knitter.) It was the cutest thing ever. Pink, white and red striped, bunny ears and a funny bunny tail. Hilarious. He wants me to wear it to my first day of work. Sure, it might be a nice accessory to my black pencil skirt and heels, but - uh, I'm not sure what kind of impression that would make. "Hey she's fun! Look at that bunny hat!" or "Hey, she's insane, look at that bunny hat..."

Speaking of work, if you like the BBC Office, watch this. Too much thinking. That's what drove Stephen Hawking mad.

Uh well, dance all night play all day,
don't let nothin' get in the way

Remember how I hate that part in Superman: The Movie, where there's an earthquake and Lois gets dirt in her mouth? Dirt in the mouth. Still my biggest fear.

So out here, we live in earthquake country. As kids we were taught pack earthquake preparedness kits, what to do and where to go in case of one, all that jazz. You go to the science museum out here and they have earthquake simulations, where people squeal and laugh as they get 'shaken up' - which is exceedingly stupid, as some of us, have lived through them and they are no fun at all, thanks.

So as the Kid goes off to daycare, I am given a list of things he needs to pack in a backpack and keep for one full year at the school. These earthquake kits are never opened, just stored in case of an emergency. It's a massive amount of things, and kind of a pain, but as I started packing it, I felt all weepy. Cause, if there is a natural disaster, he will be far away from me. Therefore he will need to eat spaghettios (disgusting to me), change his Spiderman underwear while clutching his fave monkey blankie and looking at a picture of me...all by his little 2 year old self. How freakin' heartbreaking is that? I just hope there's no dirt in my mouth at the time.

click for a detailed earthquake kit list

Yeah, yeah. Ignore my Christmas tablecloth in August, as I am lame. O.G. came over and said, "Well I can see it's Christmas... already." Shut it old lady.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Michael: "My mother hired a pony.. I got a really bad rash. I never came outside. So that was my worst birthday."

Wow, thanks for all the super nice bday wishes and gifts! Well, I had high hopes, but it wasn't the best day. No, on this particular August 27th I woke up to find all three boys in this household had come down with the flu. Lovely. Still, I look forward to this day every year, and despite all the snot, demands and crying, I still felt happy. It was my birthday.

One good thing was going to O.G.'s for lunch. We had waffles, fried chicken, O.G.'s famous flank steak, and our annual mint chip ice cream cake. I say "our" because it was a shared cake, seeing as how my brother and I are 4 years apart, but our birthDAYS are two days apart. We have shared a cake/party for 29 years. So I took the liberty of scraping his name off the cake, so I could feel special for just one day. Ha.


As I sat there at the end of the day, the husband in a flu coma in bed, the Kid crying his eyes out over his runny nose, the Baby with smashed tofu in his hair, I polished off the last of the ice cream cake and sighed. It wasn't a perfect day, but I was happy nonetheless. Only 364 days til the next one.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Dwight: "Listen up, everyone! It is 11:23 exactly.
The exact moment when Michael emerged from his mother’s vaginal canal."

Today's my birthday! That's exciting, right? Right? Oh well.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic sword and said...

The nerd-i-fication of my child.
The Kid held something in the air and it prompted me to say, "By the power of Grayskull, I have the POWER!!" (Blame these dork things on my childhood with my brother.)

So now the Kid thinks it's fantastically hilarious to do this with ANYTHING held aloft. A pretzel. A cookie. But the preferred item is a Pocky stick. Strawberry flavored. The Kid has taken the liberty of changing the words too. Now it's, "I have the powweerrrr...of meatballs!" I have no freakin' idea where he got that part or what kind of meatball power he plans to reign upon us. The thing that makes this whole thing even weirder (I know, shut up) is that he hates meat. He ONLY eats tofu. So what the meatballs will do to us I'm not sure, but I don't want to find out.
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Thursday, August 24, 2006

Fashion, it's just fashion!

Oh my god, what? Pants with suspenders are in? I should be getting the memo before these kinds of decisions are made so that I can stop things like this from happening. Wear them with a patent leather shoe and I will kill you with my cold stare. Speaking of fashion, the dry cleaners found my pants. Thank god. As I was about ready to hang from those rolling garmet racks and look for the damn things myself.

I went shopping with sko_G and he was eyeing a pair of Crocs. Even though I am an avid shoe fanatic, I am not a fan of these shoes. Perhaps it's the...circle pattern on the top of the shoe? HA! No, they just don't look comfortable to me, while, I know, comfort is the point of that shoe. Someone needs to explain the world's love of this footwear to me, cause I won't be jumping on this trend, that's all.

The most I have ever paid for shoes is...wait for it...$300. Yes, I know that is crazy, however, let me make my case. They were a pair of 2-1/2" heeled Coach boots that when I first put them on...fit like a glove. I had never felt anything that fit so perfectly on my body. They fit in all the right places, weren't uncomfortable and had the most perfect round toe you'd ever seen. I knew that they wouldn't be thrown in the back of the closet, so I waited, and waited, cause $300, well, that's just a massive amount of money.

Finally, I decided to get them. Good thing I did. They lasted about 10 years. That's wearing them every single day from October to January, and every other chance I could throughout the year. The insides are a little worn, but the soles...still perfect. They are still wearable but you can tell that they have seen better days. Sure, now they are in the back of the closet, and even though I got my $300 worth and more, I will never throw them away. So I'm wondering, what's the best "luxury-type" thing you have ever spent a lot of money on?
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Wednesday, August 23, 2006

BB7's Dr. Will: "3 things I hate:
Robot clowns, baby corn and elves."

Instead of crying about the fact that the motherf*ing dry cleaners LOST my new pants that I JUST got for my new job, I will give you a recipe. Because, "MORE RECIPES PLEASE", are the emails that I get around here. Oh that and, "justJENN, want to increase your penis size?" Thanks, but no.

So the technical term for this recipe is "Shoyu Tofu Gohan*." I prefer to call it, "a mishmash of food that my Kid will eat that I can cook in one pot and not have to worry about it." But maybe that's a bit too long for a recipe title. You can even put baby corn in there. (See how I tied that post title in like that? *smart*)

Chop up the ingredients, throw it in the cooker, turn it on. You're done. A yummy delicious meal, quick and easy. The key to this thing is having a rice cooker, you see. If you don't have one, well, I can't help you. I'm not MacGyver, dammit, figure it out for yourself. Recipe, here.


Shoyu Tofu Gohan

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep
I'm tired and I want to go to bed

These kids are screwing with me. Knowing that I am going back to work soon, I think they are conspiring to wreck my sleep. The Baby decides that 4am is a fine time to get up and eat a little snack. Not before kicking me in the throat. In case ya'll were wondering, while there is no good time to be kicked in the neck, I have decided that 4am is the WORST.

Now the Kid, he's got it down to a science.

1. Wake me up at 1am so he can pee.
2. Wake me up at 2am cause his "bum itches."

Thanks for the info. Finally, to finish me off, he screams what sounds like "HHAAMMMBUURRGEERR!" With a shriek that makes me bolt upright, almost trip in the dark and break my neck, only to say, "What's wrong, what's wrong???" And see him hold his fingers up to me and say politely, "Mommy. Eye booger." F*ing hell. If anyone has a spare ten minutes of sleep, please feel free to mail it to me. I'll pay the shipping. Thanks.
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Monday, August 21, 2006

I don't want nobody baby,
part time love just brings me down

This is a week full of change. My MIL left me today. As well she should, she's been here helping me since May. She said she felt like she just got here. I'm glad she didn't mind being here that long, I couldn't do it, that's for sure. So as I say goodbye to her, I also say goodbye freedom. *sob* Now I have to be a good mother and actually take care of my kids.

Daytime is now reserved for playing Thomas Train and cleaning up barf. Barfing happens to be the Baby's new fave pastime. Eating, barfing. Eating barfing. He's a regular supermodel, this kid. Now that she is leaving I'll have to do all my designing at night. Not only that, I start work soon, and while the Kid will be on his way to daycare, the Baby, is still without. No room at the inn for infants, apparently.

Also later this week - my birthday. Birthdays are a huge deal to me. Not just mine, but I look forward to my friend's birthdays too. I am realizing that I am the only one who feels this way. I guess I'm weird. I went to Aphrodisiac for an 'early' birthday dinner with friends. I am the bad-luck-getter at restaurants lately, as my food is always the f*ed up one. Oh well. I ate cotton candy and that's all that matters. A little spun sugar is all it takes to win me over. I'm easy like that.
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Sunday, August 20, 2006

Hey there, cupcake!

Well you know I love cupcakes. And you know I love ice cream. So let's combine the two, shall we? I got this awesome bundt pan for my birthday. Yes, I have a ton of them. Yes, they are one use wonders, I don't give a crap, they are cute. And hey, I use them way more than the average person, so don't give me grief.

This is the Williams Sonoma 'Ice Cream Cone Bundt Pan'. Cupcakes...that look like ice cream cones. Come on with that!! I used it almost as soon as I opened the gift. I couldn't wait. It was way easy and boy did the Kid LOVE IT. He thought it was the best thing ever. But man, these cupcakes are HUGE. No average human should eat something that big, I say.

If you want to see how these things were made, take a look see over here.

Try walking in my shoes

Patent leather is stupid. Why it is the trend in shoes right now is beyond me.

However, high, HIGH ass heels are also in now and yet, I will take that. As I have been eyeing these, the cutest 3+ inchers ever and I want to make them mine. Then I will be 5'-4". The end.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

How does a pirate say "thank you" in Japanese?
AAAAArrrrrigato

I told you this one was just a mock up. Here's the real deal. The FINAL version of the pirate birthday invite. I am still doing a few things here and there, but I'm pretty close to done.

Now just matching envelopes, reply cards, table cards, centerpieces, favors. Oh lord. I'm back where I was for the BSE again. I can't help myself. Someone stop me.


This is the front.
click for bigness and to see the inside

I want MORE than that.

In this house, there is much screaming. And murdering. And beating. Yep. With the MIL here it means LIFETIME TELEVISION FOR WOMEN is on all day and night. And goddam if the women on those made for tv movies don't have the shittiest lives ever. Just pick up and move to another network, I say. But with my MIL leaving this week, that means I get my tv back. More importantly, September means, the Office is BACK! Thank goodness. Lately, TV has left me feeling abandoned and weepy, clutching my blankie, cause there ain't nothing good to watch.

I am still watching Big Brother, I think I am the only one. In fact, I don't watch the show, I just scour the message boards to find out the news before it airs, and youtube all the good stuff. Like the fact that Erika and Boogie are in a secret alliance - them making out at night, totally fascinating.

Oh nevermind. Here. Watch Kristin from e! visit the Office:

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

I burn my eyes out, before I get out

Things that I like:
1. When the guitar starts at the beginning of "Today" by the Smashing Pumpkins.
2. Guacamole and chips for lunch.
3. Coffee with a friend.

Lucky for me, I got all three today. I had coffee with a boy today. THE boy, if you must know. We talked about writing, good music, dead people, and the fact that he won't remember me 10 minutes from now. Which would be convenient if I was going to steal his wallet. Which I didn't. Damn. Too little, too late.

He also gave me one of the nicest compliments I have ever received. He said I make him 'smile everyday'. Geez, is that nice, or what? You'd think that whole cranky, 'damn the hobos' thing was an act. Anyway, I rewarded him with cookies, because that's what you do when you get a compliment. Take note. You should always have a cookie in your purse in case someone compliments you on your dress. Just saying.
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Tuesday, August 15, 2006

As I look back upon my life,
it's always with a sense of shame

Woodsy has known me for years. Everytime piles and piles of BAD happen, she tells me to stop with the weepy because as "Jenn Luck" goes, with loads o' bad, comes TONS o' good. I just have to wait around for it. Me. I'm impatient.

Meanwhile I have been sick, sick, sick. I thought I was pregnant, which - thank god - peeing on a stick has told me otherwise. Thank you, stick. You are my new best friend, stick. Turns out I am just stressed. All the same symptoms, tired, nauseous, achy, unusually big tummy, eating like mad. Without the little write-off at the end. Lovely.

On to more pressing matters - crafts. The baby's giant first birthday party is 3 months away. Laugh if you must, but you know how caught up I get in the details. I think the invite design is done. Now I can move on to other things. As you remember, I have been way into 'interactive' invites lately, so I decided that not only will this be a pop-up card, but since it is 'pirate' themed there will be a flap to open, a la, x-marks the spot. Here's rough mock up. Hopefully the finished ones will be cute. Oh and on another note, my robot is coming back. Completely different, not sad at all. Go robot.


click for bigness.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Let's have a Black Celebration, tonight.

There has been a lot of crying going on around here. Mostly by me. Ok. All by me. Except for when the baby fell and bumped his head. But he shouldn't have been trying to stand up anyway. Crazy baby.

I am going back to work. Yep. Starting, soon-ish. On one hand I look forward to it, as a full day with the kids drives me nuts, and they aren’t even bad kids, I just have no patience. I feel like I am such a crappy mother.

On the other hand, I look at them and I start to get weepy. The Kid is grown up and talking like MAD. I feel like I wanna hang out with him all the time now that this communication barrier we’ve had for two years, has finally broken down. We’ve been having some oddly fascinating conversations lately. I can’t believe that 2.5 years ago, he didn’t even exist.

theKid: “Mommy. I saw a bird. When I went walking with Gramma.”
Jenn: “Wow. Neat!”
theKid: “Mommy. It was dead.”
Jenn: “Er…”
theKid: “It was dead and there were flies on it.”
Jenn: “Oh god. That is disgusting.”
theKid: “Mommy. Dead. Bird. Flies on it.”
Jenn: “Great, yeah. Heard you the first time…ew.”

I’m sure these will be the lyrics for his goth revival band in 20 years.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Tofulicious

Every year we go to Tofu Festival. Every year it's the same. Boring. But hey, my kid loves tofu, so it's worth it. It's freakin' $8 to get in. So not worth it. If you are smart, you get the $1 off coupon from the internet. If you are smarter, then you get the $3 off coupon from Marukai. If you are the smartest, you get the FREE ADMISSION coupon from the paper. Me = *smartest*.

The only really good thing to eat was from Curry House. The Japanese curry with the tofu croquette - OUTSTANDING. Everything else, eh. It was crowded, but not nightmarish. We missed all the demos this year but saw the cute asian girl from Top Chef.

The best part of my day was that the tofu cookbooks were marked down to $5. So I will making tofu recipes like crazy soon. Look out. Also, I got video of my kid doing the Moonwalk. No prompting from me, although I do tell him to grab his crotch at the end. I guess that's another strike against my campaign for mother of the year.

more Tofu Fest pics here

Friday, August 11, 2006

eats. shoots. and leaves.

Things I learned today:

1. An hour of second hand smoke makes me go home and vomit like nobody's business.

2. Birds like orange Froot Loops.

3. Crazy homeless crack addicts like to pound on the bathroom door while I am trying to help my Kid pee into the toilet.

5. My Kid likes to yell back at said crack addicts, "WHAT DAT LADY WANT?"

6. Nanette has 7 sex secrets.

7. She also thinks that my boobs will fit into a size medium shirt. I wish. That is nice thought. But she is wrong. Still, an early birthday gift is an early birthday gift. I'll take what I can get.


But when they told me 'bout their side of the bargain,
that's when I knew that I could not refuse

new shoes. grape slurpee.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

When life gives you lemons...

...squeeze them in your eyes, since you'll be crying all day anyway.

All I've been hearing all day is, "Wow. You've got an impressive resume. You're really qualified it's just that...well, you know how this field is. Flexible schedules just - aren't possible...for people with kids."

They should just say, for WOMEN. I get it. I do. In my field, a man rises to the top much quicker because he is able to pull the 60 hour work weeks required. Also, usually a wife, even if she is working, still bears the bulk of the responsibility of taking care of the kids.

I'm not asking for a lot. A 40-45 hour week, that's all. No one can give it to me. While my kids do drive me crazy, I don't want to not see them EVER, either.

I really don't think this day could get any worse. Oh wait! Yes it can! I put up a myspace page to get my designs out there, and it was a good thing I did! I found out that my robot cards that I thought up out of the clouded empty space that is my head...is already a taken - as in copyrighted - idea. Fabulous. I spoke to the guy that designed the Broken Heart Robot toy, and he couldn't be nicer. Good things will happen for him and his little robot, I know it. Meanwhile, all my robot designs have been taken down never to be seen again. It's just a crazy coincidence that we had the same ideas. All I can say is great minds think alike. So goodbye my little robots. I will miss you. Sad, indeed.
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Wednesday, August 09, 2006

And time makes lovers feel like they've got something real

What were you doing 1 second ago:
Putting cake between my legs.
Not like that. I was tying ribbon, you freaks.

What were you doing an hour ago?
Eating peanuts and contemplating my life choices.

What were you doing yesterday?
Watching my Kid eat a whole half of a cantaloupe, then proceed to poo in the toilet. i.e. He is now 100% potty trained.

What were you doing a month ago?
Preparing for the Best Shower Ever.

What were you doing a year ago?
Busy being pregnant. AGAIN.

What were you doing five years ago?
Designing theme parks.

What were you doing ten years ago?
Probably eating peanuts and contemplating my life choices.

Who would you like to tag:
Uh, I'd say Jen, cause she likes to make lists. And Jodi. Cause she likes hamsters (which has nothing to do with anything), and Nanette cause I *heart* her. Anyone else who wants to is fine by me.
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pimpin' ain't easy

O.G. wanted some signature notepads made for her homies, but she did not want the colors that I make them in. She is difficult like that. She wanted RED. It had to be red. Whatever. So I did it. I complain, but I always do what she says, and...she was right. Damn. They came out pretty awesome. So much so that I added red as a color for those cards now.

Also these NEW sweet tooth glossies came in and so did these buttons. AND I finally got more shirts in stock. That only took me...two months. But the sell out was due to a very nice article, so yay for good press!

new buttons

I told O.G. that she did not have to pay me. She insisted, so she handed me a gift card. Um, this was the SAME gift card that I GAVE HER for mother's day! What the...? I half expect her to rewrap the crap I gave her for Christmas and give it to me on my birthday. Weirdo.
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Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Do you know what it feels like for a girl?

So, boobs are bad. That's what America thinks anyway. Breastfeeding is a real problem, people. Not guns or drugs. Boobs. This article makes me laugh. I like how some of those 'moms' went so far as to rip the cover off the magazine for fear that their husbands would see a giant boob feeding a kid. Hm. Just how did these women get pregnant in the first place?

At the shower, I sat with a bunch of friends. One single. One married. One married with one kid. Guess who was the the old hat - me of course. Married with two kids. I win. No...wait. I'm pretty sure I lose. Crap. Anyway,while I love MY kids, and don't love other people's kids, I don't necessarily HATE CHILDREN, either. And this article makes me feel like - damn. People hate me. Or kids. Or something. There's just a lot of hate going on.

Where is this post going anyway? I've lost my train of thought. Must be the damn kids. Oh, so it was just nice to see my friends again. What does this have to do with boobs? We all have them! How's that for a wrapup? Yay for boobs!

I just needed a way to share the articles really.
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Sunday, August 06, 2006

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.

My MIL leaves in two weeks. She has been a major help in allowing me to get things done the past few months. Now I will have to do everything I do already, take care of the kids and I have also started looking for a 'real' job. I miss her already. So there is a chance that in two weeks...you may never hear from me...again.

Still, with her babysitting the kids, it doesn't mean I am not busy. I've got a lot of shit going on here, people. Yet my husband STILL comes home and says, "Why are you tired, you don't do anything all day anyway." Yes. He says that. Yes. I have not punched him in the face or walked out the door. Yet.

So I thought I'd write down some of the things I do in an average day.
Maybe he's right. Maybe I don't do anything all day.

1. Wake up at 6:30am.
2. Make the baby oatmeal. Make the Kid and MIL breakfast.
3. Watch Dumbo with the Kid, only Casey Jr part. The boy loves him some trains.
4. Take out the trash.
5. Bake.
6. Check on the kids, watch Casey Jr., again.
7. Yell at O.G.
8. Design some stuff.
9. Do an internet search for jobs
10. Make phone calls.
11. Make lunch - for the Kid and the MIL. Eat some peanuts.
12. 1pm - Kid goes down for 2 hour nap.
13. More design work.
14. Email resumes
15. Get orders ready for the post office.
16. Kids are up, watch Casey Jr., again.
17. Do two loads of laundry.
18. Make more phone calls.
19. Go to Trader Joes.
20. Go to post office.
21. Go to dry cleaners.
22. More design work.
23. Make dinner for everyone.
24. Eat. Wash the dishes.
25. Give the baby a bath - (MIL bathes the Kid)
26. Watch Casey Jr., again. **
27. 8pm - read the kid two books, sing him two songs (guess which one**), kiss him goodnight.
28. Get the baby's bottle ready, then he goes to bed.
29. More design work until I get yawny.
30. Husband comes home, questions me about not doing anything all day.
31. Sleep.
32. Wake up and start again.

Well, I know there are people who do far more than I do in a day. I'm just saying I don't enjoy being told that I don't do crap all day. I'm doing my best. That's all I can do.

**Honestly, Casey Jr. is only 2 minutes long. And he doesn't even watch it, he just turns it on and sings along while he plays with his toys. He's not watching too much tv, I swear. Although I may go to the looney bin for singing that song in my sleep.

Obon

Once a year I go to church. And that's only for the carnival. Obon is a big deal in the summertime. All the churches have one. There is food, games and dancing. As a little girl my mom would make me dress up in a kimono and go dancing. I thought it was lame then. You know how hot those kimonos are to wrap around yourself when it's 95 degrees?

Even now, 25 years later (holy crap) I still see the same people. Eat the same food. And it's still good. Not just Japanese people go anymore either. EVERYONE goes, people of all different races and faiths were there. Hey man, a party's a party.

L.A. Japanese Americans are unique. We sell tamales at our church carnivals. Cause that's how we roll. Mexican style.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Get in my belly

I know. I have been so neglectful. The taco blog is being left behind. I'm sorry baby. I still love you. Rather than posting REAL content, I'd just defer to some of L.A.'s best...who FINALLY made it to Tito's. Yeah!

Also, Japanese people love to make cute sh*t. I am including myself in this stereotype. However, this is AWESOME. What can be done with food is simply amazing. People keep sending these pictures to me, so I didn't know what to do with them but just throw them all up in one place. So, HERE.

Now I'm hungry, dammit. The only thing better than Tito's or some cute food would be...Doritos that taste so good, it's like a kick in the nuts. Aw, yeah!

(photo courtesy of Japundit)
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Look at the size of that boy's head.
I'm not kidding, it's like an orange on a toothpick.

This morning I am taking the kids to get their portraits taken at a studio. We have this 'Kid's Club' deal where you get like, two years of pictures. Of course I used a few on the Kid, and have yet to get any of the Baby. I figured it's about time. The Baby is 8 months old and he's going to think I don't give a damn about his formative years. Um...well! He's the second child, what can I say? *shame*

So I call up the studio and they say, "Oh dear. He can't sit up by himself? We usually won't take their pictures." What? Jesus Christ, if I wait any longer this baby will have his driver's license. So I say, "Well, there's nothing I can do, I'd rather not wait, can't we just lay him on his tummy? He just won't sit up by himself!!" And the lady goes..."DOES HE HAVE A GIANT HEAD?" Luckily I am not a mother who takes their kids too seriously. Otherwise I might be offended. Instead I couldn't stop laughing. I mean, he DOESN'T have a giant head, despite the fact...that I...do. *sigh*

Oprah said she has to get special giant hats made for her freakishly huge noggin. While I am not that bad, normal hats just don't fit quite right. That being said, I rarely compliment myself, however - I KNOW that I look fabulous in a hat. And I can thank my big noggin for that.

The photo studio lady went on to say, "...cause we've seen some babies with BIG, BIG HEADS." When I go to the studio tomorrow I fully expect to see all these giant headed children the lady was telling me about. It'll just be a room full of walking candy apples, kids with heads so big they have their own weather systems.

Anyway, we'll see how these portraits turn out.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

It's a world of laughter, a world of tears

Last night I got the worst night's sleep of my life.

I woke up screaming at 2am with the worst leg cramp ever. I haven't had one of those...since I was pregnant. Oh god. Please. No. Let someone else be pregnant for a change, please? Thanks.

Also, here's a tip, don't tell your Kid that you will be taking him to Disneyland the next day. Inevitably he will be up all night asking, "Can we go to Disneyland now?" NO dammit, it's f*cking 4am. That's the answer - in case you were wondering.

If you're at Disneyland today, look out for me. I'll be the one limping and later you can find me passed out on the ground next to the line for Dumbo.
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Wednesday, August 02, 2006

wwMd?

Holy crap. If I was in New York or could go to New York, I'd be here in a second. A hands on workshop with Martha Stewart sounds all good to me. I'd be down for the pumpkin carving, the cake decorating, and the crafting. I'd probably duck out of "healthy cooking" and "flower arranging". Also I'd avoid any knitting workshops. Or if there was a 'chopping bacon with Rachael Ray' or 'how to incorporate polka dots into your everyday life' I'd totally skip out on those too.

I don't care if the woman's been in jail, she can still teach me a thing or two. That...doesn't have to do with cigarettes or how to shiv someone.

Speaking of crafts, I am SO excited that my new glossy cards are ready. Right now is a turning point in my life. Either get a job and pay $2200 a month for daycare, or try to push this stationery thing off the ground for real, yo.
I'm going for the push.

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Tuesday, August 01, 2006

We're going streaking!

Wow! It's only August 1st and the birthday gifts are already pouring in. Whohoo! Where did the time go, though. Soon the baby will be ONE YEAR old. Man. It seems like I just had that little bugger.

Speaking of gifts, it always amazes me when people say, "I never win anything." Really? I always win. In fact, when I don't win, I think, "WTF? Why didn't I win?" That's how often I win.

Here's a list of things that I have won:

  • A coffee maker
  • A pair of jeans - prize in an essay contest - 'write about your jeans'
  • lots and lots of money in Vegas
  • tickets to see OMD in concert
  • a free week's stay in at the Venetian, meals included. (Um, this has to do with my gambling as well. Comps, baby. Comps.)
  • A portable dvd player - prize in a photo contest
  • more money in Vegas
  • Trophy - prize in a golf course putting tournament.
  • Also a variety of crap things from drawings, raffles, etc.

Anyway, the winners of the contest will get their prize sometime this week. Hopefully it's the beginning of their very own winning streak.

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
I like watchin' the puddles gather rain

I came home from SD to find that my Kid no longer needs me. I gave him a peck on the cheek and he said, "Mommy, DON DO DAT." Sheesh. I've been rejected before, but come on. I pity his girlfriend if she ever wants any pda.

So, wonder how I did that melon fruit skewer thing? Wonder no more! Usually when I make fruit for parties, I carve the melon into...something. I don't really eat melon, I just like to carve it into crazy sh*t. A whale. A basket. Whatever. It's fun. To me, anyway. Probably because I go nuts with the pumpkin carving every year, it's kinda similar.

This was easy. No carving, just hollow it out and poke the skewers in. More details, HERE. Also, I may have put the hollowed out watermelon on my head...to amuse the Kid.** Don't think I didn't want to carve out a mini one for him to wear too. Nope. Sorry, no pictures of that.


fruit kabobs


(**Yes I washed the watermelon before serving. Good lord. I may be crazy but I'm not unsanitary.)