Wednesday, December 12, 2007

One-eyed Willy

My balls hurt. My eyeballz, that is. I sat happily in the chair at my follow up visit, thinking that all was well and good in eyeball land, that is, until the doctor pulled back and looked at me in disbelief, nay, horror. Apparently those eyelashes he so tenderly pulled out had completely grown back in less than a week. He was dumbfounded, which is not how you ever want a doctor to look at you.

My kryptonite eyelashes perplexed him so, that he had to CALL SOMEONE ELSE to say, 'what the f*ck?" Great. Thank god there is a solution. Not just one, but three:

1. Burn them.
2. Freeze them.
3. Stick lasers in them.

While my mind wandered at the thought of shooting lasers out of my eyes, only shortly later did I realize he meant sticking a laser DIRECTLY INTO THE EYELASH ROOT. Barf-tastic. And there went my dreams of being a Jenn BORG.

This problem is going to plague me for the rest of my life. In more good news, it isn't covered by my insurance, as were none of the visits to see him. He seemed genuinely concerned, and said that he has been thinking about me all week, since he had no answer to my problem. SIGH. He was nice and gave me some options and said, "Good luck." We'll see what happens. Until then I can't stop humming "The Candy Man." Huh.

Cause he has one eyeball, see? Oh, nevermind.

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Blogger Nanette said...

I know what someone's getting for Christmas:

Wednesday, December 12, 2007 9:38:00 PM  
Blogger jim said...

wonton has the same problem.

after finding out how much the procedure to fix it for dogs is, i can't imagine how expensive it must be for people.

good luck!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007 10:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've had a laser-IN-the-eye and it doesn't hurt much, really. Just a bit of discomfort and maybe a headache afterwards. The whole thought of lasers-in-the-eye is worse than the actual act.

Doesn't make it any better, but I'm just sayin'...

Thursday, December 13, 2007 8:26:00 AM  
Blogger Carol Browne said...

Also, don't forget Sandy Duncan. She also has a glass eye. I like to keep in the loop with people who have one eye. Oh, and Columbo as well.

Thursday, December 13, 2007 10:06:00 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

Don't forget Muno, who was born that way.

Thursday, December 13, 2007 12:51:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ai-yah!! There has to be an option 4?

I thought of you the other day when I discovered an eyelash had gotten into my tear duct and it was so far in I had to pull the end out with a tweezer.


PS I really hate the way blogger has the commenting log in set up now.

Thursday, December 13, 2007 2:52:00 PM  
Blogger dee said...

i love that song. 'cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good.

i had a doctor look at me like that. it was after 3 hours of pushing (and 26 hours of labor)a rather large child finally came out. gotta love vacuum suction.

Thursday, December 13, 2007 3:50:00 PM  
Anonymous kat said...

Well, it's been a rough year for everyone and I'm feeling their psychosematc (sp?) pain. Which is much better than the real thing.

Maybe your lashes and that ball extraction may have the same solution.

Are they talking about making you lashless forever on that side? The bright side is people would just wonder what was different about you and you'd have a pre-made clockwork orange halloween costume.

Saturday, December 15, 2007 10:10:00 AM  
Blogger Jodi said...

This sucks. I'm sorry you have to go through this. : (

Saturday, December 15, 2007 5:24:00 PM  
Anonymous KQ said...

hi Jenn,
I'm an ophthalmic technician. If your doctor is an MD (ophthalmologist), he should be able to charge your medical insurance - the condition you're describing is called trichiasis - it's a medical condition, not a cosmetic problem. It's not especially unusual. If this doctor is not an MD (and, given his dumbstruck attitude, I hope that's the case), run, don't walk, and get thee to an ophthalmologist! Left untreated, this can lead to bigger problems.

(Given the option, I'd go with the freezing if it were me... burning is faster, but it really smells bad.)

Thursday, December 20, 2007 12:06:00 AM  
Blogger justJENN said...

Thanks. He did diagnose as trichiasis. Maybe I will go with freezing, I don't want stinky eye.

Thursday, December 20, 2007 7:01:00 AM  

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