Monday, April 30, 2007

Kelly: This day is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

Five F*ed up Things.
. How lucky am I? Not one of my kids has a fever, but two of them! Both clock in at 100.6! Both! Someone call That's Incredible! Seriously. F*ed. Up.

2. Also on my agenda of f*ed up things, I may have jury duty next week.

3. File under "Sooo F*ed Up": We went to a kid's 1st birthday party this weekend. There was a horrible ghetto clown there who actually said to one of the kids asking for balloons at the party: "Yo, it ain't yo birfday!" Nice.

4. F*ed up times two: I had to return my killer shoes. Don't ask.

5. What else? Oh. I need a new wallet. After all these years, the button on the coinpurse gave up the ghost and seems to release itself at the most inopportune times. i.e. when I am paying in a 'quiet' place. Coins flying everywhere. F*ed up but more so, embarrassing.

Otherwise, the weather is good and Nanette bought me a Hello Kitty cat head cookie. Also, the Baby has decided that wearing my Taco Purse as a hat, is completely normal. Things aren't that bad after all.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Ceci n'est pas une pipe.

This is not a mommy blog.
I am not a 'hot mom' like some of my friends who are nominated as such, but I am a mommy. And I do love to hold the kids close against my chest and smell their hair while they sleep, so - Mommy? Yes. I guess I am.

This is not a humor blog.
Which is apparent, since some people think I'm funny while others think I am stupid. But this? This is funny. EVERY. TIME.

This is not a cooking blog.
However...this one is:

Yup. I am transferring all my recipes here, so that they are easier to look up and see right quick. Also, I won't have to spend too long formatting it, hey I'm busy dammit! I put it in a blog format so that I can get feedback. I hope people comment. AND you can rate the recipes! Yay for stars!! Cause I really want to know if it tastes like crap or...delicious crap.

I am putting the recipes up slowly, as you can tell. I kind of like doing it like that. It makes me remember, oh hey, I forgot about that one! The best thing about this new format is the 'category' on the side. You can jump to all the vegetarian ones if that's what your heart desires. Or your colon.

Friday, April 27, 2007

I was always Cobra Kai

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Thursday, April 26, 2007

God, beer me strength

Wow, I loved this week's Office! Not because it was great, really wasn't, but because it's the one we saw being filmed! Whee! I think we spent an hour watching them film that short little dialogue between Kevin and Oscar and Angela. Amazing how short it was. Some of the best stuff we saw being filmed didn't even make the show. Hopefully they'll put it up at deleted scenes. Also, there were some damn funny quotes to choose from this week. Two words: MONEY BEETS. Did you have any favorites?

As for MY office, since they didn't do jack for Admin Professional's Day yesterday - which I think is wrong and just not nice - I did something myself. Not only did I ~ 1. Holepunch like, 500 pieces of paper myself, but 2. I made each of them notepads and 3. I baked a cake. Hey, they answer your phones and do your stupid sh*t. They deserve cake.
I made a lime cream cheese poundcake. I hate cream cheese, but I'll eat this entire thing, I'll tell you what. Also, note my new totally awesome cake pan. Chrysanthemum!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Scissor sisters

If you came here looking for justJenn and handjobs, you are sh*t out of luck my friend. You should probably try here. Sorry to disappoint.

No, I have something far more important to talk about. My hair. I had a butcher of a haircut last year and I am STILL in the process of growing it out, believe it or not. Only, now I am at THE turning point. A crossroads, if you will. I can either cut it short...or keep going and grow it looonnngg.

Since you have all met me and know my face so well, (or not) I will ask you. Long or short? Surely there is no more burning question on the minds of people today.


Tuesday, April 24, 2007

PC LOAD LETTER? What the f*ck does that mean?

I have a laptop, an iPod, two cell phones, I taught myself html and I can do autocad like a motherf*cker. What I can't do is figure out how to do stuff in the office. I am the worst.

First of all, I took two years off to have kids and when I came back there are these 'wite out tapes'. Where are the bottles with the brushes like I had in 6th grade?? I am old skool like that. I do not understand your futuristic white out pens.

Worse are the machines. Oh lord, forget it. The copier, the fax, the fax/copier, I become Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer, I just don't get it. I usually make the assistant do these menial tasks, not because I am better than that, but because it would take me hours to figure out.

I felt bad, and I got tired of bugging her with little things. So today I attempted...the electric hole punch. What the F with the electric? Why can't we just have the one you use with your hands? I am crafty like that. So I took the papers, put it in, and voila!** It worked! The assistant came by and saw me standing there. She yelled, "OH MY GOD JENN. What are you doing??" She was shocked but mostly disappointed. I'd often bake her cookies or make her cards because I felt so bad giving her crap work. Now I can do the crap work myself! And she gets no cookies. Sad. Poor her. So, call me if you want me to punch anything. That includes people in the face.

**Ok, I didn't do it myself. I stood there and stared at it and pushed some random buttons until someone came walking by and helped me. I know. Pathetic.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Dwight: Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out?

I'm kinda depressed tonight. Ok, a lot depressed, for reasons that are only meaningful to me. So in lieu of a real post, here is a 4 question quiz that was recently in the L.A. Times. 68% of the people surveyed failed every question. I found it interesting. Answers at the bottom.

1. Which of the following breakfast items that are served at Denny's do you think has the fewest calories?
A. Ham and cheddar omelet
B. Country-fried steak and eggs
C. 3 slices of French toast wtih syrup and margarine
D. 3 pancakes with syrup and margarine

2. Which of the following items that are served at Chili's do you think has the least salt?
A. Cajun chicken sandwich
B. Classic combo steak and chicken fajitas
C. Guiltless chicken platter
D. Smoked turkey sandwich

3. Which of the following items that are served at Romano's Macaroni Grill do you think has the most fat?
A. Traditional lasagna
B. Chicken Caesar Salad
C. Pasta classico with sausage and peppers
D. BBQ Chicken pizza

4. Which of the following items that are served at McDonald's do you think has the most calories?
A. 2 Big Macs
B. 2 Egg McMuffins
C. 1 large chocolate shake
D. 4 regular hamburgers

Here is a picture of the Kid with Mr. Toast. Scroll down if you want the answers:

1. (B) Country fried steak and eggs has the fewest calories.
2. (A) Cajun chicken sandwich has the least salt.
3. (B) Chicken Caesar Salad has the most fat.
4. (C) 1 large chocolate shake has the most calories.

I knew #4, the rest kinda threw me. So how'd you do? Maybe I'll see you tomorrow when I am in a better mood.

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Sunday, April 22, 2007

Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?

In case you weren't aware, I am a huge nerd. I have been dying to go to this Star Wars exhibit at the Science Center and this being the last week and all, I hauled the kids down there. Let's just say the Kid was wondering WTF is a museum without Thomas Trains and the Baby was wondering, where can I get more cookies. Me? I was THRILLED.
It was heaven for Star Wars nerds and I loved all the models of the ships. My first job was as an architectural model maker, and I worked all hours of the night - so I know the detail that goes into that stuff. This was impressive.

When I take the kids out, say to museums or theme parks, I usually make or buy bento lunches. The kids generally don't eat fast food, I don't like the idea of them putting that crappy food in their bodies, I'd rather they eat my crappy food that I've cooked for them. I don't mind the convenience when we are out, but I don't like the idea of paying $8 for a hamburger that they may or may not eat. At least with this stuff it's cheap and I know they will consume most of it. Except the cucumbers. The Kid hates cucumbers. He usually spends a good half hour popping them out, just so.
See? Cucumbers. Piled on the left. If you want to see the rest of our nerd-tastic day, go HERE.

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Friday, April 20, 2007

Up all night, sleep all day

The Baby's late night grumpies continue on. I know that a car ride/plane ride/train ride/any moving vehicle puts me to sleep, so I thought maybe it'd work for him too. Anything seems logical at 3am, let me tell you.

I strapped him into the car and drove around. Nothin'. He was just amused. So I started looking for anything that was open 24 hours. No luck. Then I saw the light. The light being the 'hot doughnuts now' blinking neon. I pulled into the Krispy Kreme. I figured if I'm there, I might as well get the Kid a donut hole* for breakfast. I didn't get the Baby jack sh*t, not only because he can't eat donuts but because hey I am punishing you little baby for making me not sleep and drive around los angeles like a zombie and man am I tired but damn those donuts smell delicious so deal with it sucker. He was kind of pissed but like I said, he can't eat donuts and the point was for him to get his zzz's on, you know? So I drove around more. Wide awake. Took the long way home. Still nothing. Finally he fell asleep close to 5am.

When the Kid woke up at 6am (Hi, this is my sleepless life, jealous?) he was thrilled to see the donut hole waiting for him. Now, whenever the Baby cries, the Kid says to me, "Mommy. I think you need to take him to buy donuts...tonight." Don't push me kid. I'm a woman on the edge. The sleepless edge.
*25 cents for one donut hole. Yay!

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Thursday, April 19, 2007

With a brat like that always on your back,
what can you lose?

I bought new shoes. Again. I love the shape of these, as the heel is kind of inset, which is different. They are also hugely tall - measuring in at a staggering 3-1/2 inches.

I dressed nicely for work this morning, slipping them on, only to look at my Treo and realize that I had to go to the job site today. I can't exactly walk around in these things on open nails and live electrical wires. Once at the site I changed to work boots and left them in the car. Poor little heels. I will teeter on you some other time. ~sniff~

Speaking of shoes, last night I dreamt that I was wearing red ones. While I was hanging out with Joey and Dee Dee Ramone. Huh. Odd. All I know is I woke up and could not get 'Beat on the Brat' out of my head all day. Let me tell you, that's not the ideal song to be humming as you take the kids into daycare.

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Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Eh bien, continuons...

I do not watch American Idol. I have no idea who any of the contestants are, or who is good or what have you. Yet this morning, when I got into a packed elevator (we're talking shoulder to shoulder) - everyone around me stood in silence, as is the proper etiquette, as two women went nuts, yapping loudly about the contestants. And their hair. And she was bad. Simon said this. Etc. The rest of us stood there. In silence. You could feel that we were all thinking, god forbid this elevator stalls and we are trapped with these women. The women, self-involved, carried on. 'Sanjaya, terrible. Did you see that bandana?!' All of us were looking up. Staring longingly at the call numbers. All the while quietly dying inside as we watched the elevator cab stop on EVERY - SINGLE - FLOOR for 12 floors straight. We damn near killed each other trying to get out of there.

Now that I've survived the elevator ride from hell, I can tell you a few things.

1. I got an email telling me that I am stupid and my blog is stupid. I would have to agree on both accounts but it still hurts my feelings, yo.

2. The card holder in my new banner? I got at the Loloko shop. SO CUTE. I love this little seating bench and want to buy plenty more. For what, I have no idea. Maybe I can make a diorama using Thomas Trains. Lord knows I have enough of them.

3. I picked up a cup of juice and said, to no one in particular, "Hm. Is this the Baby's juice?" The Kid said, "ACTUALLY mom, it's mine." Well then.

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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

After 5 weeks in Anger Management, I'm back. I've got a new attitude. And a new name. And... a bunch of new techniques for dealing with the grumpies.

I feel frustrated. I must admit that I pulled a 'Drew' a few nights ago and punched the wall in a fit of frustration. Ow. That was sometime between 2am and 4:30am in the morning - and related to the Baby who would not stop screaming. ALL NIGHT. We're talking rolling on the floor and banging his head while screaming. Turns out he wanted a banana. Learn to talk, goddamit.

Now I am frustrated again because I am trying to move all of my recipes to a blog format. That way I can get feedback, comments - if you will. Was it easy to follow? How did it taste? I always wonder, and except for the emails that I get here and there, I have no idea if anyone even cooks this stuff.

But it's not working and I am getting in 'that mood'. I currently hate the internet. And I don't want to use it anymore. Goodbye cruel world. Cruel world wide web.

Wait. That reminds me. One time my brother took one of my little Disney action figures and tied it up and strung it off my dollhouse balcony. He went so far as to write a note attached to it that said, "Goodbye cruel world." There's nothing sadder than seeing Tigger with a fake suicide note.

Better news, is that apartment therapy: the nursery linked my five baby item must haves list. That was nice of them. Maybe I'll stick around after all. If only Tigger were alive to see this.

**from office icons

Monday, April 16, 2007

It's the same old S.O.S., but with brand new broken fortunes

Kid: "Where do apples come from?"
Jenn: "Trees."
Kid: "Oh. Where do carrots come from?"
Jenn: "They grow in the ground."
Kid: "Where does bacon come from?"
Jenn: "Well, pigs. They kill pigs and you get tasty, tasty bacon."
Kid: (worried look) "Ohhh. That's sad." (*chomps bacon anyway*)

I know. I had kids just to make myself laugh. It's horrible. Hey, the truth hurts, but he still ate the bacon!! For a kid that is anti-meat, I was just happy to see him eat something besides cheese.

I cook 5 meals a day. Breakfast for the boys. Lunch for the Baby. Meat-less dinner for the Kid. ALL Meat dinner for the Baby. Separate dinner for the husband when he comes home. As you can tell I am not included in any of these meals. I have no time. I ate chips and guac for dinner and it was the best meal ever, only because I got to sit down.

One thing agreed on in this house is pork chops. I don't know why, but they all adore it, which means less running around for me. Even quicker is this slow cooker pork chops recipe. So easy a pig could make it. But then he'd be dead. And a cannibal.

Slow Chops recipe, HERE.

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Sunday, April 15, 2007

When I see you sky as a kite, as high as I might,
I can't get that high

I am pretty boring and I don't drink, which is why I generally turn down invitations. However I decided to venture over to Will & Nina's party on Saturday night. I *heart* the two of them immensely. I'm sure they will say that I am boring and need a haircut. Both are true. They are getting married very soon. Two bloggers can find love. Aw.

I gotta say, parking in the Miracle Mile sucks ass. Also, while driving around for 45 minutes looking for said parking, I almost ran over a cat AND a trio of Hasidic Jews. Talk about bad karma all around.

To take to the party, I baked a Honey Spice Cake with Coffee Glaze. The bad thing about cake is you don't know if it's good because you can't sample it before you give it to someone, like you can with say, cookies. I saw some guy at the party take a piece and I just watched him eat it and hoped he didn't spit it out. Anything coffee flavored is good right?

As for the rest of the weekend, I survived dangling from 25' in the air. It felt like being on a trapeze. A very tiny trapeze with two other people crammed on it.

The first time up I was wary, but by the third time (we must have done this 20 times) I was hanging on the edge, happy and carefree. I kinda liked it. Although I do like heights and enjoy standing on the edges of buildings, so. When we were up there looking down, I told my boss that I felt like jumping. He said, "think of the children." I wonder if he was talking about my children or, like, Angelina Jolie's children. Who knows.

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Friday, April 13, 2007

Michael: Nobody commits suicide because they work with a baler.

Some things.
I still have not eaten the Cadbury Egg.

I have to work tomorrow. While working on a Saturday wouldn't be too bad if I could sit at my desk and chillax, but no, instead I will be crawling through air ducts and climbing up into 25' ceilings. I guess it won't be so bad. What fun is work unless there's an element of questioning whether or not you will tumble to your death that day?

I spent $99 at Trader Joe's today. However, I picked up ingredients for more than 20 meals.

I found a razor on my doorstep. Sure it was boxed up and all, but where did it come from, and why did I not think twice about using it? Cause it was free? I dunno but I haven't shaved my legs in a month and you still couldn't tell. I am hairless.

People keep insisting that I should have more kids. We're talking, daily. Not even people that I know that well. If anyone replaces my birth control pills with Smarties, I'll kill them.


Thursday, April 12, 2007

If John Mellencamp ever wins an Oscar,
I am going to be a very rich dude.

Tonight's episode was hilarious. I laughed especially hard when Creed ate the potato. This also happens to be the episode that we saw being edited the day we visited the set of the Office. So it was weird to see...since I already saw it!

Also THIS is horrible and funny. Horribly funny.

People usually stumble upon this here blog looking up music lyrics. One that repeatedly turns up is "looking from a window above, it's like a story of love," which happens to be a lyric from one of my favorite songs. The other is: "Shot through the heart and you're too late." Uh, hello, "it's you're to blame." Good lord people, he says it clear as day! Jon Bon Jovi is nothing if not a good enunciator.

Some new keywords people are using to find me are:
1. "who has two thumbs and hates"
Todd Packer, baby. Hm, where is Todd Packer lately, anyway?

2. "boro balls"
We called them 'honey balls' as kids, but whatever. (Also, Top 5 Japanese snacks coming your way. I am checking out the candidates now...)

3. "evan farmer"
Aw yeah! I love me some 2gether. If that series ever comes on dvd I will be camped out overnight at Best Buy. Ok, maybe not. But I will buy it on amazon and get it from my mailbox. Yes. I. Will.


Wednesday, April 11, 2007

You're sayin' the FBI's gonna pay me to learn to surf?

I ~adore~ Keanu Reeves**, and I have never been offended by those who say he is the world's worst actor. I don't care. I love him. Even then, I would sooo go to see...Point Break LIVE!:

"... the starring role of Keanu will be selected at random from the audience each night, and will read their entire script off of cue-cards. This method manages to capture the rawness of a Keanu Reeves performance, even from those who generally think themselves incapable of acting."

Wow. Out of all of his movies I have seen...thirty-eight of them. Good lord. I might have a problem.

Nevermind all that. Sometimes I wake up at 3am with that feeling, that knowing that I will get up the next morning with a headache. To avoid such things, I blindly stumble over to my desk, open the Advil and down it with some water. Then stumble back to bed and hope for the best.

Usually when I wake up, that headache-y feeling is long gone. However this morning I woke, looked at my desk, only to see some peanut M&Ms and a half a can of Coke. Which is odd, since I don't regularly eat either of those things. It made me wonder what exactly I took last night.

** look closely and you can see O.G. and the Kid.

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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Pam:(voicemail message for Jim) "Hey, what's that word we made up when you have a thing stuck in your shoe? Anyway, I have a thing stuck in my shoe."

God, I love high heels. So much so that I have a flickr set dedicated to them. Which, by the way is being inundated by freaks who have fetishes, whereby I am constantly deleting untoward comments about my legs. Ew.

The best part of my day is when I slip on my heels and go to work. Sure, I could say that seeing my kids in the morning is the best part of my day. But they are cranky. My shoes are not. I love you shoes.
I have specific shoe requirements. 2+ inches (preferably 3"), but not wobbly, good with skirts and peeking out from dress pants. Also, not cheap. I do not wear cheap shoes because you will pay for it in sore toesies. You get what you pay for, fo' shizzle.
I saw a cute pair the other day and they were so cute and fit so well, that I even overlooked the biggest factor of them all...they were covered in POLKA DOTS! I put them back of course, but I look at them online everyday and wonder if I could get over my fear of polka dots just for these lovelies.

When I saw my brother and his wife this weekend, I complimented her cute shoes. She said she got them at the Walking Company and that the heels are actually lower than the toe, thus MAKING you stand up straighter. My brother got the 'man' version of these 'posture' shoes and he said they kind of feel like you are standing in a hole. He was right. I tried them on and they felt...backwards. Since I am only 5'-1", the last thing I need is to feel shorter. My brother proudly proclaimed that they also make you exercise when you're not thinking about it. Sounds like devil shoes to me.


Monday, April 09, 2007

5 Baby items you will need

Attention pregnant women!!
(and those buying for them)
Everyone seems to be pregnant, and for once - I'm not! Yay! But kind of sad. The fun thing about having a baby was 1. People are nice to you 2. Shopping for baby stuff. I swear. People are dicks until they see you have a tummy (think 5th+ month) then all of a sudden it's open doors and smiles. Shieet.
Here is a list of five baby items that *I* think are necessary.No, cuteness is not a factor, only usefullness.

1. The Boppy.
This is great if you are going to nurse, and even if you aren't, it's a great resting place for the baby as you bottle feed. They can also use it when they learn to sit up by themselves, and you can use it for yourself when you have a migraine. Trust me. You will get a migraine.

2. Curity Breast Pads & Purelan
These are the best pads ever. I tried a ton and these were the most comfortable. Also, if you have sore nipples, Purelan works WONDERS. Such good stuff. Oh great. Now I will be #1 on google for 'sore nipples'.
3. The Noggin Nest
Yet another wonderful boppy product. I always buy this as a shower gift - because people don't often think of it. It sits in any car seat or stroller and is a pillow with a hole cut out of it. Basically it keeps your kid from getting flathead syndrome, thusly avoiding the little one from having to wear a helmet. Who wants to wear a helmet, am I right?
I swear to you, this thing is great. Especially if you are afraid of your baby dying in their sleep. Hey. These are things new mothers think about, let me tell you. This little foam thing tilts them up so they breathe better and keeps 'em in place so they don't roll around like little sausages. I loved this thing, however my second kid was so big it didn't last long. Then we had to go with the 'rolled towel method'. If you don't know what that is, email me, I'll give you the info.

5. A bouncer or a swing
THIS THING STOPS THE CRYING. The end. I don't care what you say there is no more annoying sound in the world than a baby crying. When I'd walk around with the baby in public when he was crying, people would actually stop me and say, 'Isn't that the sweetest sound?' And I'd reply, 'You must be high, cause this sound makes me want to kill myself.' Hey. I'm honest.

There you have it. These are five very useful items. Believe me I have a list of 'cute but not useful things' coming your way too. That's the fun stuff. But these? Every new mom needs. Buy them for your pregnant friends, or if you are the one with bun-in-oven, add them to your registry, asap. You will thank me later.

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Sunday, April 08, 2007


Well I had the worst Saturday ever. I ended up yelling at O.G. with full on f*word obscenities and all. No one can get me in a blinding rage like her. I felt awful and guilty about it, but I still feel she deserved it. Ha!

I called her up and apologized profusely and so did she. Not saying the obvious, which is that she will do it again and I will react exactly the same. Such is life. I felt so bad, I made her favorite Vegan Brownies. She is no where near a vegan - let's just say cows are afraid of this woman - but she loves these brownies cause they are so cake-like. Every time I make this it kills me to not add butter and eggs to it, I hate cooking without them. Also, chocolate chips are not vegan, but these things could stand a few, dammit. I like brownies loaded up. ChocoLICIOUS. My body stays vicious...

Sunday was much better, as we spent it eating. And eating. And...eating. Our Easter meal consisted of ginger crusted salmon, ahi poke, teri bbq beef and mac salad - cause that's how we roll. We went to King's Hawaiian for their Easter buffet Brunch, at O.G.'s request. It was deeelish. Then we went back to her house and the kids got their hunt on. Let's just say I tried a 'new' way of boiling eggs that went horribly wrong. When the Kid dropped one we realized it was raw inside. So I labeled them as such:
All in all the weekend turned out ok. Cause you know, Easter is all about forgiveness. No. Easter is all about man against nature. Wait. Hang on. Easter is all about...

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Thursday, April 05, 2007

"It was late at night-big guy walks in shouting-he pulls out a sock filled with nickels, and then Shrute pulls out a can of hairspray and a lighter.."

I was so excited for this new Office episode tonight, and I was not disappointed. The first two minutes and the last two minutes were my absolute favorite. I died laughing, both times. As far as the story, people have been telling me that Jim and Pam should not be together. I disagree. It hurts my heart to see two people who were meant to be, just not...being.

What made this episode even more fun to watch was the fact that Jodi and Nanette and I had an "Office viewing party". Which consisted of us...watching tv and eating sandwiches. Exciting, I know. I'm sure you are all jealous that you don't have these kinds of raucous good times.

It was at this time that Jodi gave me a Cadbury egg. As much as I love candy I have NEVER (insert gasp here) eaten one before, ever. I think cause it looks like real yolk, and that's just unsafe to eat raw, am I right? Yes I know it's fondant, but ew. It's still in my purse. I am scared.

The kids are off school tomorrow. Which means, I have to take off work. I think it's more exhausting to stay home, frankly. Maybe I'm just old. Tomorrow will consist of me - mass consuming the Kid's Easter treats because he is allergic to chocolate. So, you know, I'm just doing him a favor. In honor of Easter, AND the Office, watch B.J. Novak (Ryan, the temp) talk about Cadbury eggs. HILARIOUS. Mine is still in my purse...

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Patsy: "Darling, if that woman had one more facelift she'd have a beard!"

Sick of it, (it being life) - today I sat down and wrote a "List of things to do when I am dead." Not being morbid, it was simply a list of everything I do around here, which turns out, is EVERYTHING. Once I hit about 30 items of my responsibilities, I gave up. Whoever takes on my role in this family - good luck to you, sucka.

Lately I have been looking in the mirror going, 'wtf is wrong with my face?' It looks awful. Surely it's not my diet of all-but-purple-Skittles. Or stress from all the recent visits to the hospital. Or the fact that I've been bringing work home from the office...every night. It must be something else. So I decided to get a facial. I'm not really a fan of them. I think I've had only one before. I'd much prefer a massage. But, I have 'the-ugly-face' so I booked a facial at a medical spa, hoping upon hope, that they could make me look pretty. Or at least, ok looking. When I got there the lady said, 'You look fine to me, you just THINK you look bad.' Whatever lady, I don't need psychoanalysis, just fix me. And she did. And I feel much, much better.

Addendum - Things to do when I am dead: Go get yourself a facial.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Dwight: One of my life goals was to die right here, in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered.

I have been asked several times about what my recent visit to "The Office" set, was like. It sounds stupid - but it felt so...real. The cubicles so close to one another. Phones ringing. Breakroom, conference room. It felt almost....too real. I spent my regular days in an office I certainly didn't want to spend my free day in one.

Then I started thinking of all the years and all the places I've worked. And how, when it comes down too it, every office is the same. Some 'Jerk co-worker'. The 'Workaholic'. The 'Crazy Lady'. The 'Lazy ass'. The 'Nerd'. The 'Scary-don't push him over the edge-guy'. 'Crazy IT dude'. Wherever I went, it never changed.
My friend and I used to work together in a crazy office for years. Her birthday is coming up, so inspired by those, *ahem*, fond memories AND in honor of a NEW EPISODE of the Office this week, I made these "Office Memos" for the store. I think it just about covers everything you'd need to discuss. Seriously. Use them. HR will thank you.

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Monday, April 02, 2007

Milkshake the disease

Without boring you with the details, I ended up taking the Kid to the Emergency Room this weekend. It was a horrible experience that I won't relive here, let's just say I ended up crying and yelling, 'Well if he's going to die, I'd rather he do it at home instead of here, thanks!'

So the Kid stayed home AGAIN from school and I turned to the only person I know who could take care of him. The O to the G. I gave her very specific instructions, because lord knows the woman does as she pleases. There's no way things could go wrong, am I right? Am I right??

Jenn: "Hi, I'm home! Hi...wait...why is he eating...BUTTER?"
O.G.: "Cause he asked me for it."
Jenn: "Does this paper not say, "NO DAIRY"??
O.G.: "Oh. I don't know what dairy is."
Jenn: "Liar. It's anything that comes from a cow for Christ's sake!"
O.G.: "Oh. Yeah. Riiight."

Later, I looked up and saw the Kid riding by my bedroom door on a tricycle. Yeah, I'd say he's perfectly fine now. I'm sure she would attribute it to the butter. The woman does what she wants and loves to lie about it. I need to get a nanny-cam up in this mutha.

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Carrot top

I went to Target to buy popsicles and Children's Motrin. I spent $54. Those are some expensive popsicles, ha. I ended up buying tons of things that I didn't know I needed, which seems to be a familiar cry - that of the lure of Target. With the demise of the popular 'Slave to Target' blog I think someone should start a message board or a collaborative 'What I bought at Target' blog, similar to 'What I bought on Ebay'. While I am part of the latter, I haven't bought sh*t on ebay in a long long time. However Target is a weekly, if not daily excursion...

I had to put together something quick for the kid's school for Easter. Searching the Target aisles, I found these cute little 'carrot' eggs. I put fruit-snacks inside, I figure the kids will get enough candy, and my poor Kid is allergic to chocolate so I'll have to throw out half of what he'll get anyway.
The most work I did for these was package them up pretty-like and make labels. With our house being off and on sick for the past month, I noticed a lack of crafting/cooking posts on the blog. Believe me. I don't put up half the things I cook. Sometimes I take pictures and forget about it. I'll have to load them soon. Stay tuned. Recipes to come.