Thursday, May 31, 2007

I want a girl with a mind like a diamond

When I look for dessert recipes for the Kid, I look for things without chocolate cause he's allergic. However, he CAN have cocoa powder. It's the chocolate chips that have, something, (probably the dairy in them) that causes him to break out. So I found this chocolate cake recipe in "Hawaii's Best Local Desserts" that seemed decent. Although it just so happens that it had no butter or eggs which is ridiculous. What's the point? Just don't eat dessert for christ's sake. Anyway, it turned out good and moist and now the Kid can have cake. Yay for him.

As far as cocoa powder, I buy Valhrona powder by the tub. I use a lot of it, and while pricey, it makes a big 'ol difference in taste. Much like vanilla. If you are using that McCormick/Schilling vanilla crap, you should be spanked. So I went to Surfas and of course walked out there with way more than the cocoa powder I went in for. Doh. The Kid came with me and he was bug-eyed at the sprinkles aisle. So many to choose from! He chose dinosaur. Rarr! Excellent.

Cocoa Cake recipe, HERE.

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Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Do me a favor.

The baby shower that sko_G and I are throwing, is this weekend. I think we are all set. It is going to be outdoors, and I have a bad feeling it is going to be HOT. You know how I despise the heat. Oh well. At least I'm not the pregnant one, ha!

I started packaging up the favors:
Mmm. Sweet Apple Drops. Mixed Nuts. Dried Apricots. So yummy.

People have STILL not rsvp'ed - can you believe this sh*t? Oh well, worse comes to worse the pregnant lady and I can bust open the favors and have a great snack-fest.

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Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Michael: Everything is wrong, Dwight. The stress of my modern office, has made me depressed.

I am full of depression and Pinkberry. I'm not sure which came first, it's the whole chicken/egg conundrum.

Oprah cares if I am sad. She emailed me herself with her own two hands and told me to take a quiz on depression. But her questionnaire is lame-dash-oh. I'd say a better quiz would go a little something like this (hit it!):

1. Do you find yourself eating mass quantities of ice cream?

2. Do you cry while watching fictional character's lives unfold on television? (Grey's Anatomy, Battlestar Galactica, Rachel Ray)

3. Do you drink alone? (It doesn't have to be alcohol, maybe it's just Gatorade.)

4. Do you weep silently when your children and/or dogs pee on the carpet?

5. Are any of these cds on repeat on your ipod?
a. 'Surfacing' - Sarah Maclachlan
b. 'Sweet Baby James' - James Taylor
c. 'He's the DJ, I'm the Rapper' - DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince

If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, you might be a redneck. I mean, depressed. You might be depressed. Of course the only cure for sadness is eating. I'm off to bake and think. What do you eat when sad and weepy? I'll let you know what I come up with.

Monday, May 28, 2007

You know I'm bound... I'm bound to thank you for it

Faux Thanksgiving was a smashing success. Brined turkey came out fantastic. Pies, good. Fosselmann's ice cream, excellent. I ate from 1pm straight up until 9pm, I am not ashamed to admit.The Baby changed clothes 4 times. No he is not J-Lo, he is just...messy. Throughout the party, he'd go into the bathroom for potty training, only to run out of there screaming with glee, sans pants. That's one way to get attention. That wasn't enough. He stopped in the living room, and peed on the carpet in front of everyone. Right next to Jodi, in fact. Marking his territory? Perhaps. Or maybe he was just showing off. Hell, I can do that too, I just choose not to.It was a good day. Lots of food, friends and family. Now I can't wait til the REAL Thanksgiving.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

It's your world and I'm just a squirrel
trying to get a nut to move your butt

Saturday, May 26, 2007

So I'm stepping out of time, because breaking is a crime.

Pink's hot dogs.

Breaking the rules at the museum.

More pics here.

Friday, May 25, 2007


Thursday, May 24, 2007

Give me - one more chance to keep you satisfied

Did you see that crazy woman driving down the freeway with one hand and eating a chicken salad sandwich with the other? Yeah - that was me. Hey, if Mama Cass can die via a ham sandwich, I will gladly sacrifice my life - after all it wasn't just ANY sandwich, it was a PATINA chicken salad with butter lettuce on brioche. Goddamit it was fantastic.

Even though I worked 9 hours today, (which is 4 hours more than I usually work. Heh.) It was a much better day than yesterday. Thanks for asking. Here's to happier days ahead.

I got home and took the Kid to Target with me. $100 later I realized that I'd forgotten most of the things I went to buy. I did, however, get out of there with birth control pills, the Baby's eyedrops and a Tall Decaf Coffee Frappuccino no whip. You know, the important things on my list.

I also got these amazing plates for the baby shower. They match our color scheme perfectly and yes, I paid an extra $1 for green utensils because they are awesome. Also - square plates - oh how I love thee.

For those of you who ask why do I put up with the crazy MIL stuff? Cause the woman potty trained the Baby in two days. Yup. 18 months old. Nice. That's why.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

If I made you feel second best, I'm so sorry, I was blind

My mind is muddled. I'm on the edge of sadness and the edge of sleepiness. I have nothing but depressing things to tell you, and I am going to list them all here in short form, rather than give you a well thought out post. I know you deserve better, baby, but Momma's got a headache.

Hate mail.
I wrote this post as a joke, over 4 years ago. Recently it has elicited a free for all in the comments - pitting people against each other as if I am the Queen forum owner on the subject. Tonight I received the worst, poorly scribed, hateful comment yet. Accusing me of things that should have been directed to the commenters, not myself. Since people can't seem to decipher between humor and hatred, (even amongst themselves) I took the post down.

Step 2: Put your junk in that box.
I never get mail anymore and it's kinda sad. Maybe because it's halfway to my birthday and nowhere near the holidays, I am going through package withdrawal. I should sign up for a swap or steal someone's credit card and amazon myself a ton of sh*t.

Mein feet
I wore these shoes to work not realizing that I'd have to go to the job site in the afternoon. I am an idiot.

Attack of the MIL
She's done it again. My $90 dress pants that I use for all my meetings and have successfully kept pristine by dry cleaning and carefully hanging? She threw them in the washer.

Told you I was depressing today. Sorry. Happy fun-cakes tomorrow, for schizzle. Or the blog will be shut down. Either or.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving

Ah yes. It's spring. Time to bust out the short skirts, put on a diamond penguin necklace* (wha?),
and of course, have Thanksgiving dinner. Yes, Thanksgiving dinner. This Sunday come on by, I will be making a full blown Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings. Why? Let's just say that a few months ago O.G. and I got in a huge fight which left me with a giant frozen turkey in my freezer. Don't ask.

Anyway, that thing is taking up half the freezer and I want it outta there. Therefore, this Sunday we will be having turkey, stuffing, garlic mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, O.G.'s famous Gulliver's corn, veggies, rolls, and of course - pumpkin pie. Yes it will be 80 degrees, but we must give thanks. Thanks - for nothing.

To learn, "How to brine a turkey" - go HERE.

*my mom gave me that penguin necklace for Mother's Day. Why - I don't know. I don't love penguins, but the thought of an all diamond penguin necklace even existing makes me laugh.

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Monday, May 21, 2007

Are gringos falling from the sky?

Eh, I know why you're all here to find out who the winner is. And the winner is...Wait. I gotta say this, it's related to the prize and that is, nobody has rsvp'ed to this motherf*ing shower, which I think is just rude. It's the number one thing I hate most in this world. No. Wait.

Things that I hate:
1. People who don't rsvp.
1. Polka Dots.

Hang on.

Things that I hate:
1. People who don't rsvp.
1. Polka Dots.
1. People who use 'strikethrough' far too often.

Anyway. I hate when people don't rsvp. Would it kill you? Cause you're killing me. And the winner is:
--------- RACHEL!!!
And the second place winner is:


Yes, there is a second place cause I am giving these damn favors away if no one's gonna freakin' rvsp, dammit. Congrats!


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Sunday, May 20, 2007

I saw him searching into you and ached a while

Wow, you guys really want that prize! It's a shame that shower favor box is just filled with used rocks. That's right, I said USED rocks. Kidding - I will pick a winner soon - you have until Monday night.

It's funny how when you mention free stuff, it suddenly sets off a delurking fest. Although, I assume most of you found your way here using one of the top 5 searches to find this blog:

1. matcha roll cake
2. The Amazing Spider-ham
3. how do you say thank you in pirate?
4. I don't see you crying robot
5. Andrew Dan Jumbo shirtless

The first two I sorta get. The rest? What in the world are you all looking for? And as far as Andrew Dan Jumbo, he's still not here, people. Stop searching. HE'S NOT HERE.

Prize winner announced soon. Get in while you still can.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Oh yes, El Guapo. You have a plethora.

It's that time again! No I'm not pregnant. Shut up. Time for prizes! I am going to give away one of the little party favors I am putting together for that upcoming baby shower. I can't show you what's inside cause the preggo lady herself reads this blog. I can tell you that it is filled with yummy things! I am not a fan of giving away 'baby bottles' and stuff like that since most of the people ATTENDING the shower, have no need for that crap. They either have no kids or they are old. So why give them something they can't use? Makes sense, doesn't it?

In addition to the favor you will also get a PLETHORA of things! Would you say I had a plethora of pinatas? Nevermind. Anyway, in addition to the plethora of pinatas, I mean things, you will get a TON of free stationery. AND, there just might be a monKEY head in it for you. You never...know.

Whenever I do these giveaways people complain that I don't give enough time. So I am giving you through the weekend. Just leave a comment. The end. You know you want that monKEY head...

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Thursday, May 17, 2007

"Congratulations, a-wipe. Don’t screw the pooch.”

Wow. Just wow. The Office is the greatest show evvaarr! Well, in my tiny world, anyway. This season ended with a bang! That was a shocking season finale! I am still stunned, and a little tear-y. ~sniff~

I think the whole JAM thing worked it's way out well. It was - sorta perfect, and very real. Although Fancy New Beasley is kind of scary. Her assertiveness is freaking me out. More than anything, Jim's haircut was awesome and Creed's blog kicked ass.

I find it hilarious that most of the discussion regarding this episode was about 'how did Jan get her boobs to look like that?' Hilarious!

Now I am all pumped up for new episodes, and of course...there are none. Ho hum.
p.s. my new online chatting name is Big Haircut.


Wednesday, May 16, 2007

My little mochi

All this mochi talk is making me hungry. I just realized that most people may not know that you can buy mochi from a store. Yes, there are actual Japanese bakeries, here in L.A. that only specialize in mochi.

One of them, the most famous, is Mikawaya. I'm sure EVERYONE knows that name because they invented mochi ice cream! Talk about genius. They have a store right in the heart of Little Tokyo and I always stop by and buy one!

Another downtown store is Fugestsu-Do. Also downtown, on the same street as the Japanese American Museum. Also one of the oldies - you can find them in most major Japanese markets.

My ultimate fave? Sakuraya in Gardena. It's a tiny hole in the wall, been there for years. The taste and consistency of the mochi is totally homemade and completely dream about it delicious. Plus it's fun to watch them gift wrap their boxes Japanese style, only using string and no tape.

Another place to find mochi? My house. I make it pretty often. Two words: coffee. mochi.

Like I said, my faves are the pink ones. Cause they are awesome. Like pink the color. Pink the artist. AND there is even a band called Pink Mochi. That's how good the pink ones are.

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Tuesday, May 15, 2007

"What the f*ck were you thinking?"
Your cooking questions, I've got ANSWERS.

Let me start off by saying, I am in a BAAADD mood. I came home to find that my MIL had done me a favor by making dinner. I felt the bad news coming before I stepped in the house. Not only, did she break a favorite bowl of mine (if you recall, her last visit she broke my favorite ceramic knife from Japan AND my Dwight bobblehead doll) but that meatloaf she made for dinner? Raw. Dead raw. This would not be a problem except for the fact that the Baby gobbled it up before I could stop him. I'm sure the boy has an iron stomach, but I am enraged. That is all I can say.

Now on to your questions:

Joyce: Is mochi easy to make?
That kind is. I do have a good mochi recipe, it is in my 'must put that on the website' file. I'll let you know. It's super easy. That woman was lying to you.

Myra: Flat cupcakes.
My MIL has this same problem with her cakes falling. One thing I believe is…where you live. The elevation, the heat, of Hawaii, those are all things that need to be taken into consideration. However she doesn’t have a/c so it’s always 80+ degrees IN the house, another reason why I never visit there.

A couple of other reasons your cake might fall, oven temperature. Some ovens run hotter than others. To REALLY check you’d need a thermometer. But my number one answer to cake falling is always: over mixing or over beating. There is no need to beat that thing to death. Just mix it to the point of being combined and let it be. Take your frustrations out elsewhere. Like on your family.

Myra: Erupting batter in cupcake cones.
Batter eruption? Don’t overfill. The end. Just leave a good one inch to the top of the cone. It seems like a lot, but trust me, you need the room. That bottom of the cone is tiny - volume wise, which is why it works it's way up, up, up. Give it some space. Also, I've told you a million times, box mix sucks ass. Honest. I even have a t-shirt that says so.
Shortening substitution.
Shortening is disgusting. Just the thought of it makes me sick. I avoid all recipes using shortening, or margarine. I am a believer in all butter all the time. As for substitutions, well you can change it out with butter or margarine, but they tell you to use shortening for a reason. For instance if you are baking pie crust it makes it crispier and flakier. So if you want the 'true' taste of the original recipe - stick to it. Me? I just pass altogether. Ew.

Thanks for the questions. Keep them coming, I will do my best to answer them. Anything to get my mind off my broken dishes and the Baby's trichinosis.

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Monday, May 14, 2007

Allez, cuisine!

Today I gave my MIL a cooking lesson. That was certainly...something. It was quite an eye-opener to see that some people have NO IDEA what the hell they are doing. She was wondering why sometimes her recipes come out wrong, so I had her bake a cake - while I watched from start to finish. GOOD. LORD. Is all I can say. That about sums it up.

After a day in the kitchen with her, I have decided to pitch my own cooking show to Food Network. The working title is, "What the f*ck are you thinking?" You can call in and ask me basic cooking questions or you can come on the show and I will help you through a recipe. People often email me their cooking questions anyway, so this is a natural segway, right? It will be part Sara Moulton - but way funnier. Part Martha Stewart - but not at all condescending. Part Tyler Florence - except I am not as cute.

Go ahead, ask away. Although, I think I may have to change the title of the show. Hm.

Stick a fork in me. I'm done.

It turned out to be an ok Mother's Day after all. Went to a buffet brunch where there was a very neat tiered chocolate fountain. The Kid was excited, but it was depressing since he can't have chocolate, so we just stared at it. So sad.

He was fond of eating the marshmallows on the sticks though. Anything with a stick is good fun. After this weekend of eating I've got to say, I think my MIL was right. I am fat. I haven't gained pounds, but I LOOK fat. I think that may be worse.

On Saturday I took the boys to Disneyland. I waited AN HOUR AND A HALF for Casey Jr. because it was the Kid's fave ride and the ONLY one he wanted to go on. He was waiting and talking about it for a whole week. We get to the front of the line and all the workers were saying, "You are so cute! Where do you want to sit? The front row?? OK! No problem!" Can you feel where this is going?

Right at that moment when those dumb co-workers promised him the front row, a handicapped person comes up the back way. Where do you think she chose to sit? You got it. Front row. Even the lady behind us sighed out of pure heartbroken-ness. My Kid, the trooper, just went and sat in the middle. Didn't complain. He was just happy to be with me and his Aunty on the train. Personally? I woulda thrown a fit. Then again, and hour and a half in the hot sun waiting for a kiddie train, and you'd want to lose it too. I'm glad my child is more even tempered than me.

Friday, May 11, 2007

We get the funniest looks from, everyone we meet

So I got a haircut. I like it. I went to pick up the Kid and he said, "Mommy, why does your hair look funny?" Always a critic.

With that, I want to show you something TOTALLY AWESOME:

Mon. Keys. MON. KEYS! monKEYS!!! Freakin' awesome.

~updated: new recipe - Lychee Sorbet!~

Thursday, May 10, 2007

I need to see which one of these people have the be a chicken head...

I was kind of bored through the first half of the Office tonight. Then it picked up. Boy, did it pick up. I was not expecting that ending, nope. My laugh out loud part was watching Creed pick the fish out of the water with his bare hands. Hilarious! Next week is the finale! I have big hopes for next season, cause this one was a little...lackluster? Compared to the previous 2 seasons. Still my fave show ever, though.

Also, my Tivo broke. Which means I had to live the life of the common man and actually sit down at the appointed hour and watch the episode...WITH COMMERCIALS. I would rather die a thousand deaths but it actually paid off, since I got to see Elvis Costello.

As for the weekend, let me just say that Mother's Day sucks ass. I am always the chosen one to 'plan' something for my mom and O.G. with the side note, "Oh yeah, it's your day too." Right. So I go ahead and make plans, only to hear complaints about how lame my ideas are. That is when everyone decides to finally plan something else... F*ck them. Sorry I must have walked over hot coals cause I am just saying what I feel. Whatever.

Today my friend came up to me, gave me a hug and said, "HAPPY MEXICAN MOTHER'S DAY." I laughed. I didn't even know Mother's Day in Mexico was a separate day, but it is. May 10. I have to admit it was nice to hear - because it was heartfelt and just for me. It felt good. Strangely enough I ate tacos for dinner. Is that racist or just an odd coincidence? Who knows. Happy Dia de las Madres.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Popcorn Greenhouse

Every month has a 'theme' at the Kid's school. This month was corn. Or something. Vegetables? Don't ask me. I don't pay attention. Man, I am a crap Mom. All I know is, the Kid came home with a ziploc filled with wet cotton balls and popcorn kernels and I was like, what the...

It said, "tape me on the window." So I did. Lo and behold, junk is growing! Whee! While generally I find taping rancid popcorn kernels to the window to be disgusting, it is kinda nice to see 'life' growing in the house.

O.G.: "What is on the window?"
Jenn: "The Kid brought that home. It's supposed to grow...corn?"
O.G.: "Ohhhh! Neat!"
Jenn: "Yeah but what next? I don't want big ol' stalks o' corn growing in the house!"
O.G.: "Better than mary juana. Everyone grows that at home."
Jenn: "Who exactly is everyone?"

Mary Juana. That's how O.G. says it and I laugh every time. It sounds like a close friend or something. How's Mary Juana? Fine. She works over at the Gap now.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

You just haven't earned it yet, baby

I get bored when I have nothing to do, you know. I need as much on my plate as possible. Good friend xTina is having her first baby, so I am throwing a baby shower - ok, hang on, don't get excited. It's not going to be CRAZY like the Best Shower Ever. But it will be good, I assure you. skoG is hosting it with me, and with two designers, you can't go wrong, er - right? Here's the invite I designed:

The Head Preggo Lady in charge doesn't like traditional baby colors for children (i.e. blue=boy, pink=girl), so we came up with a 'pear green+pastel orange' scheme. I think it will work out well. I don't want to reveal too much since she does read this blog. However, I can tell you one thing, THIS CAKE WILL NOT BE THERE. No it will not. Ew.

Monday, May 07, 2007

It's clobbering time!

Saturday was Free Comic Book Day and I went to my local comics shop just to get the Unseen Peanuts and the Darwyn Cooke cover of Comics Festival. I was pleased to get both. However I was sad that I did not get the Kid the Mickey Mouse or Gumby ones. Sorry Kid. Mommy's needs come first. Thankfully Jodi got two Mickeys and now I will have a happy Kid. Thanks, Jodi!

Right now I am definitely in an Un-happy Jenn stage. Things are not going my way lately and if they don't change soon, well, I will kill myself. With pie. Other things that ain't so swell - the Baby is dolling out daily beat downs. The Kid and I are often huddled in the corner, hoping he doesn't find us and attack us. Just because he wears a Taco Hat doesn't mean he isn't hardcore.

The Baby is finally not sick anymore and let me know with one flail swoop by pounding the Kid square in the forehead with a Thomas Train. Screams of "I THINK I AM BLEEDING!" at 7 in the morning, is not how you want to start you day, let me tell you. That Baby is a brute. And it is clear since his favorite toy is this:
Poor mini Ben Grimm. Soon you will be covered in saliva and cheerio residue and probably thrown out of a moving car the way Elmo was yesterday. Don't go out like Elmo, yo.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Kevin: I hear Angela’s party will have double-fudge brownies. It will also have Angela.

My Mother in Law has been here less than 4 hours and she's already called me fat. I don't think of myself as fat...until she says so. Hell, she complained about how I looked when I was pregnant, even. This is just ONE of her many complaints about how unattractive I am. It makes me want to cry but they'd probably be fat tears. It seems fitting that I'm posting a recipe tonight, anyway. Since I'm fat and all.

I decided to try the Cream Cheese Brownies recipe in Everyday Food. Everyday Food is a fantastic magazine with easy recipes and step by step photographs. Hey. Wait. That sounds like...nah. I hate cream cheese, by the way, but it always seems to make it into my baked goods. I altered the recipe a bit, of course, as I always do. I made it way better if I do say so myself. But still, big ups to Martha Stewart - that mag is fab.
But these things have to be shipped, you see? And I do not like the thought of semi-moist, (Why do so many people hate the word MOIST? It doesn't bother me one bit...) half baked brownies, possibly sitting in the post office. So, I cooked them a little longer, which made the 'white' part more brownish. And that made me sad. I have a thing about colors and what should look like what. It's the designer in me.
I have to say, these brownies turned out great. Make 'em and you won't regret it. Then you can be fat. Like me. ~sigh~

Click here - for my Marbled Cream Cheese Brownie recipe.

Friday, May 04, 2007

So why do you smile when you think about Earls Court?

Mmm. Mochi makes me happy. Don't touch the pink ones. They are MINE.

Question for the weekend:
What makes you happy?


Thursday, May 03, 2007

If that's flashing, lock me up.

2am. The Kid had a 102 fever. We were up making Jello. However, I have to say - wow. You guys are good. This blog must suck pretty bad considering all your answers for what I was doing at 2am could have been potentially correct. You really don't need me. This blog can run itself. We will have to play 'Mad Libs blog post' again sometime soon.

Well I laughed a ton during tonight's Office, but maybe it's only because the word penis is funny, who knows. I could have sworn that Creed was going to turn out to be the flasher, but no go. And yes, all women's bathrooms are EXACTLY like that, yep. Also, big shoutout to the Galleria. What, what?

"Pam, go work with Phallus..." Ha. Favorite lines?

Anyone? Anyone?

Guess what I'm doing up at 2am. Go ahead.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Pie in the sky.

I have decided to go on an ALL PIE diet. Pie for breakfast. Pie for lunch. Pie for dinner. I can't foresee any negatives with this, only benefits. Right? Right. My ass may get fatter, but I will be a whole lot happier.

Mother's Day is coming up. So the stores tell me. You know what every mother needs? To be left alone once in a while. No. Really. However, if you choose to go the commercial route, buy any stationery item between now and May 9th from justJENN designs - and you will get one pack of these little 'MOM' tattoo heart cards, FREE.

Cards for mom? Excellent! Although I'd like some pie to go with that. Just sayin'.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Creed: The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive. Like I did … when I was a homeless man.

Today I had to drive to way way, WAY down behind the Orange Curtain. Which is just as bad as driving to the Valley except it's in the opposite direction.

On that long drive I was wishing that I had a personal assistant to send my work emails while I drove. Heck. I wish I had a driver, then I'd send my own emails. It was very difficult to avoid temptation and lean over and start emailing, but I'd rather not die on the 405, thanks.

I also wish I had someone to go to the dry cleaners for me. Since I was eating while driving. As is evidenced by the coffee cake on my suit pants.

If I had a personal assistant, I'd like to think I'd use them for practical things. I mean, hey - at least I'm not like Mariah Carey who pays someone to lift drinks to her mouth. I'm serious.