Yep. I bought ANOTHER one.

It may all end tomorrow, or it could go on forever...in which case I'm doomed

I was on the 40th floor of skyscraper the other day. I looked down and thought, 'Hm. If there was an emergency, should I jump?' The answer, with a more clear head today, would be NO.

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Someone found this blog by googling: Exene Cervenka weight gain. You are a dick. Leave her alone. Maybe I am just sensitive about MY weight lately. Maybe.

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Recently, two people have told me that they hang out at the Playboy Mansion on the weekends. Ok. That is so not my life. (See: weight gain)

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Nanette asked (a long time ago) for people to post pictures of their desks at work. I can't really do that, legalities and such. But I can show you a tiny part of it. That is, all the rolls and rolls of drawings that I go through every day. They are on top of my desk and below. I am surrounded. And to think I just cleaned it up. Sheesh.

Robots in disguise

You know what I need? One of those "Days without an incident" meters. I don't know how long it's been since one of the kids was sick, but it was a good run. Which ended today. *sigh* The Kid is home with a 101 and climbing fever. Yet, with him home and me off work, all I can think of is, "LET'S GO DO SOMETHING FUN! YEAH!" And he's like all, "zzz. sick. zzz. tired." Damn him. Ha. With all this time off I should clean the house, but f*ck that, I think I'll just sit here and eat cookies.

What I can do is get more design stuff done. Like these cards I made for Will's birthday. The Boy loves robots. The Boy loves his wife. So I drew up these cards for him:

Click to Biggie size.

I think they came out pretty good. And they are both bloggers extraordinaire, so I'm sure they can use them for...something. If not for coasters. Whatever.

And yes, I am excited for Michael Bay's blastfest. I am a big Transformers fan, and while skeptical of this, it IS coming out on Fourth of July and nothing that comes out on that day can be bad. Am I right? Right! p.s. Will Smith should be in this movie cause to have a movie come out on the 4th of July without him? Well that's just blasphemy. Now if Will Smith turned into a robot...a boxing robot...that raps...at his rich uncle's house... Hot damn, there's a movie!

Buy your own 'Robot Love' cards, HERE.

Root beer floats. It does. I’ve tested it.

Summer. I love you, I hate you. The heat has yet to build, thank god, but I feel it coming. With the anticipation of the heat I have this urge to have something cold/frozen every day.

Since I love root beer, I feel the need to tell you...I am kind of on the fence when it comes to root beer floats. ~gasp~ The horror!! The thing is, I hate melty ice cream. Hate it, hate it. So when the root beer mixes with the melty ice cream. BLECH. Vomit-y. The only way I like it is if that ice cream is frozen SOLID. Then I'm all for it. I recently went out to dinner where they brought out the dessert tray, to which I was surely going to say, 'Oh, no thanks, I couldn't possibly...' and pass. That is UNTIL...

... I saw that frozen mug of ice cream, a bottle (best kind, bottled) of root beer and three cookies. Good lord, is this the dessert menu in heaven? Who can pass that up? It was amazingly good. And no melt-y.

Besides an i.v. of root beer directly into my arm, I also been known to have root beer shave ice, root beer freezes*, root beer candy, and root beer sherbet. By far the best thing (and easiest) I've come across so far is my own doing, which is a root beer slush. I just pour a can/bottle of root beer into the ice cream machine - and hello homemade slurpee. Top it with a little whipped cream and I am good to go all summer. Ah, yes, bring on the heat.

Root Beer Slush photo. No recipe needed. So here's the Root Beer Sherbet recipe, instead.

**Yes, a root beer freeze is basically a shake, which is basically melty ice cream, but not so much. Don't question me.

lavanderie francais

One of my very good friends (who delivered you the Creme Brulee recipe) is a total foodie. She loves to eat, and she loves to replicate her favorite recipes. She and I went on a trip to New York with some friends and more impressive than the sights was watching how much she could actually eat. For a small girl, can pack it in.

That being said, what true foodie would not give everything they have to get a reservation at Thomas Keller's French Laundry? Nine courses. $250. You really have to love food. I...like food, so uh yeah. The waiting list says two months, some people wait up to a year.

She and her husband went and had a truly extraordinary meal which she goes into GREAT detail about, on her blog. She also commited major faux pas and took pictures of every dish. Ha. She cracks me up. It was her one chance, cause believe me, her husband ain't gonna go for another $500 a couple meal any time soon.

She also went to Morimoto in New York and ordered the 'omakase' meal which is basically...you eat...what he feels like serving you. That won't fly for me the sushi-hater, but she swears it was the best thing ever. And I believe her.

Like I said, she loves food. And I applaud her. While I love to cook, I am picky about what I eat. So I live vicariously by watching her enjoy her meals. You haven't lived til you've watched a woman eat an entire pot of fois gras with a spoon. Just sayin'.

Her full French Laundry experience, blogged HERE.

Her French Laundry dinner photos, HERE.

Her Morimoto NYC dinner pictures, HERE.

Whew. That's all the time I've got for pimping out her food habits.

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Gonna let the rain pour, I'll be all you need and more

Randomness:

I love that Rihanna/Jay-Z song "Umbrella." I can't get it out of my head. Meanwhile if I hear Nelly Furtado's whiny ass voice one more time, I will shoot my radio.
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Ok. Say someone was going to Hawaii against their will. (Me.) What would you suggest said person (Me.) would do for five days while alone, that did NOT include going to the beach OR the mall? That's what I thought. Nothing.
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I love Rivers Cuomo. I just need to reiterate that. I am waiting for him to marry me. Wait. Maybe I just like the idea of the name Jenn Cuomo. Forget the marriage. I'll just legally change my name to that. Get my lawyer on the phone.
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Last week I was driving on the freeway and two cars raced by me. I mean RACED cause I was going 80, myself. *ahem* They were weaving in and out of traffic while someone was hanging out of the side of the car window ready to shoot at the other person. Just like in the movies. All I could think of was...'Hey. That's not good.'
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In an homage to Britney Spears I shaved the kids heads this weekend. I guess I better put them on a diet of cigarettes and red bull, and check 'em into rehab right quick.

Whose tiny hand is touching the fruit??

Farmer's Market at the Grove

You burned your foot, on a Foreman Grill?

I've got answers, but be forewarned...they are wordy answers.

Jodi:
“nuking green beans”
Actually, I do have some advice for microwaving green beans. Put your beans in a microwave safe dish, pour about 2 Tablespoons of water over them. Sprinkle with some lemon pepper. Seal tight with plastic wrap. Use a fork to punch a few holes in the top. Microwave. It’s good. Really.

Jen:
“Do you have a good creme brulee recipe? Roth recently made one from the Joy of Cooking that tasted like poo.”
Number one, I do not advise eating poo. Number two, funny you should ask – but my friend makes the BEST CRÈME BRULEE EVER. Seriously. She adapted the recipe from “Kincaid’s of Hawaii” and I’m telling you, it’s perfection. Mind you, I tried to do it myself and it didn’t come out as great. She is truly the crème brulee master. Recipe, HERE.

Yvett:
Have you used any other kinds of sausage? (for the muffins)
You can use any kind, really – just make sure you chop it up small and drain it well. Chorizo and eggs sounds delicious right now.

Evelyn:
Do you have an easy, tasty recipe for a cake that I can make?
First of all, thank you for delurking. 10 points to you. Indeed I do have an EASY recipe. If you are not a baker – as you said yourself - then go with something simple. That is, a cake that doesn’t need frosting. Also…*sigh*….use box mix. Ugh. I just barfed in my mouth a little. Kidding. No, really, I hate box mix with a passion of a 1000 burning suns, but I get why people use it. (By people I mean Nanette and Myra who I constantly reprimand for doing so.) Here’s the thing, if you are going to use box mix, at least add to it, so as to make it not so…box mixy. This is a super simple recipe that even I, “Queen Hater of all box mix” (see my business card) will approve of. Cinnamon Chocolate Bundt Cake.

Yum-e:
How long do you boil a frozen boneless chicken breast?
That’s not a silly question. A silly question is, “Why does Rachael Ray have her own tv show?” Answer: I dunno, but I wish the show was interactive so I could punch her in the face.

As far as the chicken, here’s the trick. DO NOT THROW THE FROZEN CHICKEN INTO A POT OF STILL WATER. (Like my mother in law does. *sigh* Kill me.) Bring a pot of water to a boil, first. Then toss in the sucker, frozen and all, and it should take approx, 10-12 minutes - dependingon the size of your breasts. (HA!) Now, most boneless chicken breasts are boiled only to be shredded, like for enchiladas or chicken long rice. Therefore, just take some tongs and hack away at it at the 10 minute mark, just to make sure it’s no longer pink in the middle. You’re going to shred it anyway. However, if you are going to just eat a plain boiled chicken breast? EW. Don’t invite me over for dinner, thanks.

There you have it. Answers. A whole bunch of them. I hope that was informative! Now I am off to make myself a root beer slush. Mmm.

They call him "The Cleaner."

I have a secret that I've been keeping from you. I like muffins more than cupcakes. There. I said it. However, if at a bakery, I would buy a cupcake if given the option. If at home...I'd bake a muffin. Does that make sense? Not at all of course. It's just that frosting those little motherf*ers is a lot of work. Plus I am VERY particular about how my cupcakes taste, consistency, etc. And when it comes to muffins, well, you can go savory or sweet, and usually you only need one bowl. Which is always nice.

Here is an EXCELLENT recipe I put together for Sausage+Onion muffins. They are incredibly tasty and great served warm with soup.

On the subject of cupcake/muffins, I forgot to answer Poppy's question:
Do you ever grease/butter/prep your sili-bakeware?
Here's another secret (I'm full of them today) I hate sili-bakeware. The cupcake cups I got as a gift and they're ok, but anything...larger, say a cake pan, and I wouldn't waste my money. Old skool metal bakeware is where it's at, yo. But no, I don't prep the cupcake cups, but a larger sili-cake pan or something, and I might. Cause nothing is worse than a stuck cake.

Which brings us back to: Do you have any cooking/baking questions? I'm not an expert, nor do I claim to be, but I can probably help you. And hey, the asking is free, so what have you got to lose?

What has 12 arms, 12 legs and 12 eyes?A dozen pirates.

My creativity is back in full swing. I just need a purpose, you see? There are a lot of birthdays/occasions coming up, so now I have a reason to make things. Which gets the ol' brain wheels a turning.

My kids are growing up. They are moving on up, to older classrooms and new teachers. I thought the transition would be hard for the Kid, since he is painfully shy - but he has welcomed the experience with open arms. He's much friendlier and talkative with other children now, I think it's cause these new kids are older. He's pretty advanced for his age, so I think this is for a better fit.

He is leaving behind his most favorite of teachers, so I made her a gift. She LOVES her some pirate skulls - which at first I thought would be hard for me to work with, cause the skull thing? Not very...me. But I found some cute fabric, and made her a lined tote bag. She was thrilled.

I did it all in a couple of hours because I worked late all week and I ran out of time. Don't ask me for the pattern - I don't use patterns, I never have. That's one thing checked off my list. Now on to the other millions of things I need to do...

To me you are a work of art and I would give you my heart. That's if I had one.

This shirt (to the left) made me laugh out loud, but only because I am a huge dork. Who also knows her art references.

Speaking of, I would give just about anything to be in New York right now to see the Richard Serra exhibition at MOMA. Click on the sculpture garden video and watch the installation of the time lapse erection (shut up, Will) of the piece. Then watch the 'second floor' video to see how it's all done. It's spectacular.

I love MOMA for many reasons, especially for like art like this, that at first glance looks like nonsense, until you read the description. Art is more than paintings or objects, sometimes it's an idea. My 'ideas' are scattered on my desk right now. I better get to work.

Well, I'm goin' to a place, where the tough guys go and come out even tougher

What do Paris Hilton and I have in common? Being a size zero? Carrying around a chihuahua? Going to jail? Constantly being followed by the paparazzi? If you guessed 'going to jail', you'd be right.

I had jury duty. I got it postponed. I forgot...about the postponement. Now they've sent me a letter saying I could go to jail.

Yes, I am an idiot. But look, I was busy, REALLY BUSY at work. 80% of my income goes to the kid's daycare, plus I drop them off in the morning, pick them up at night, I live the life of a single mother. If I get on a case, I can't work. If I can't work, I can't pay for daycare. If I can't pay for daycare, my kids stay home, and who exactly is supposed to take care of them if I get on a case?

The court does not consider this 'an excuse' to get out of jury duty. That's fine, but...ugh. What am I supposed to do? I sure as hell don't want to go to jail, especially since the Kid asked me, "Does the policeman put you in jail for eating poop?" Good lord, I don't want that cell mate.

Lets not go home, we'll catch the late train, I've got enough money to pay on the way.

"Mommy, look!" are two words that I have learned do not always mean good things. Sometimes they make for hilarious laughs though. I turned around to see that my sili-cupcake cups were used for an impromtu train in the middle of kitchen. Yes. They are going to be washed.

Alright, stop. Collaborate and listen.

For the times that you wanna go and bust rhymes real slow

I woke up this morning and blew my nose. Suddenly, my mind was clear. I'll spare you the image of mucus and tell you that, I could think straight, I was clear headed, and suddenly had a renewed sense of clarity that had been missing for the past month.

All of these thoughts came flooding (not literally) out of my head. I had about 20 ideas for new designs that are just waiting to be sketched out. I feel like I have been flailing about creatively lately, and it had put me into a bit of a depression. But now I feel back in the saddle again. Sure it may have been the fact that I downed about 1/2 a bottle of Aleve this week alone, but let's just pretend that my new sense of purpose came to me for a reason.

And, yes. I heard about the Thomas Train recall. Here's the thing, all the lead paint on our trains have already been eaten off by the Baby. So what good does this recall do me now, hm? Someone needs to recall my Baby's tummy.

Ratatouille

Oh son of a bitch, I hate you. Not you. Just a general grrr you. I have been having cravings and was just going to go to Roscoe's - now they have VERMIN.

Los Angeles County has rating systems for their restaurants, in case those of you who don't live here need to know such things. And just to go off on a tangent that bothered me today, if you live here and you often rag on about how much you hate this place? F*ing move. Why did you come here in the first place? I certainly wouldn't move to a place I hated just so I could complain about it.

Anyway, back to ratings, there are A, B, C and god forbid, D ratings that health inspectors give to restaurants and they must hang said ratings in their front window. Sometimes you just don't want to know that your favorite place is also a haven for rat feces, (which is basically a B-/C/D rating) you know?

You can go here and see what restaurants were recently closed down and....why. *shudder*

Then again, if I had went to Roscoe's, I probably would have gotten shot, only to have Cuba Gooding Jr. save my ass. Instead I will have to settle for making chicken and waffles at home. Oh well. Cap'n Crunch Chicken recipe, HERE.
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I knew Hello Kitty. Senator, you're no Hello Kitty.

I love Hello Kitty. I bought all that stuff as a kid. I even worked in a Hello Kitty store. I still buy HK stuff, however, I am way more selective nowadays. I mean, with this new revamping of Hello Kitty, I don't know what to think:Ok, so maybe I changed her name, (Don't sue me Sanrio. Hi, I love you, call me!) but you get the idea. I mean, why does she have to dress all whoretastic? Just like I can't stand the 'new' Strawberry Shortcake'. S to the S now wears jeans and bought a flat iron. The f*ck?

I will always love Hello Kitty. Tricked out or no. Especially if Sanrio keeps making kickin' stuff like this HK ice cube tray. OH YES. Did I fail to mention that I bought that? Pictures to come.

I'm not saying I don't like change, I'm just saying the 'BRATZ'ification of our childhood dreams makes me want to cry. Or put on a tube top and some stilettos. Wait. I am so confused.

Some will win. Some will lose.Some were born to sing the blues.

(Sorry, I couldn't resist. I thought the ending was brilliant.)

As much as I love cooking, there are days that I need a break. I'm sure you can relate. So I head to the Japanese market where they have lots of cooked and packaged foods that are delicious and pretty good for you too.

Click to see what's on the menu.

I can put together a quick meal for the kids in one swift run through the store. However, those crazy ass Japanese, there is some things in there that makes me question their sanity. Such as:

"Gorilla Boogers" (Gorilla hanakuso). Ok, I saw the package of the gorilla picking it's nose and I just had to find out what it was. Dried black soybeans. Congratulations Japanese food packagers, you got me to look.

Sure, there is your regular old gross stuff that I won't touch with a ten foot pole, but it's the stuff like this that I love:

My homemade stuff is surely better than this crap(e). Ha. The shelf was empty, by the way. It must be crap-tastic!!

Hey. At least this stuff is healthy. I'm not against fast food, I just don't really dig the idea of giving it to the kids if I can help it - especially when you see what it actually looks like.

Hey good lookin', what ya got cookin'?

"Hosts of shows are like pie, some people like lemon, some like cherry, some like apple, and fortunately a lot of them like the Barker kind." Ok, WTF? That makes no sense! Bob Barker is high. On pie.

As far as pie, or cooking - I just put this new bookshelf together my damn self, thank you very much and I am THRILLED. Now my cookbooks are all in one place Yes, those are all cookbooks. Some crappy, some useful. I love cookbooks and can spend hours pouring over them. Now they are all conveniently close to the kitchen and not towering on a high book shelf, sending the children to possible crushing death where only Peter Brady can save them. Did anyone catch that joke? Ok, just me. Ferget it.

Tonight I am making kalbi for dinner cause the O. to the G. is coming over. She loves her some dead animal, you know.

your typical work day

No work til Monday

Forget Aloha Friday. More like A-hole Friday. Man, I received no less than three phone calls today where upon picking up the phone I was immediately being yelled at for things that had nothing to do with me. What's the deal with that? It got to the point where the secretary would ring me to see if I wanted the call, and instead of saying "Hello?" I'd say, "OH GOD WHAT NOW?" She thought that was hilarious, but I was serious. Come on people, it's Friday and I had 2 hours of sleep last night, give a gal a break.

People have been asking where I got those dino-utensils. I found mine at Sur La Table, but you can get them online, here. They are excellent fun for the kiddies, and frankly, after they go to bed, I like grabbing them for my own snacks too. They're quite comfortable to hold and make any meal happier. Even on A-hole Friday.

Where the true players at?

Answers to your questions!

DC said...
You mentioned before that you don't like the "McCormick/Schilling vanilla crap." What kind do you recommend?
My favorite vanilla happens to be from Nielsen-Massey. It's good pure stuff, whose quality you can smell and taste. There are tons of different varieties, Mexican, Tahitian. My favorite is Madagascar Bourbon. Sure it's pricey, but well worth it. Your baked goods will thank you.

Ally said...
Why did the frozen scallops I cooked last night have, like, little rocks or calcifications or something in them?
Well, scallops are sensitive. They cry when they watch Steel Magnolias. Then again, who doesn't? What I really mean is, they get tough if you cook 'em too long. So watch it. My advice? Wrap 'em in bacon. Everything's Better With Bacon. (Yes, I own that book.)

Tess said...
Why is mochi ice cream so delicious? I am addicted...
For some reason my normally insatiable desire for ice cream...has waned. ~insert loud gasp here~ Mochi ice cream - coffee of course - is still favorable. Why is it so delicious? Two words. Mochi. And ice cream. 'Nough said.

deanna said...
What have you cooked for dinner recently that you haven't posted?
Funny you should ask, one of my favorite recipes is this Summer Pasta. However, I recently made penne pasta for the boys, and I bought these ADORRRAABLE food trays from Pottery Barn Kids. Yes, it kinda feels like we eat in an old folks home, but who cares. Cute little compartments for EVERYTHING!! Whee! My mind whirls at the thoughts of all the things I can put in each one. I try my best to get the basic food groups in there for the kids, but it doesn't always happen.
It's amazing how plates can inspire me to cook. Which is why I drool at Crate and Barrel and Fishs Eddy. I see all the things I want to create to fill those lovely bowls and dishes.
The REAL question of the day? Why did Paris Hilton order in Mrs. Beasley's cupcakes when clearly the choice for the rich should have been Sprinkles? Biggie was right. Mo' money, mo' problems.

Thanks for the questions!

It won't be long until you do exactly what they want you to

Well, it's hump day. Which is an awful word, unless you're Bobby Brown, then it is an excellent word for a song. I am opening the floor to questions. Got cooking questions? Food questions? Lame questions? Send them to the comments and I may or may not answer them.

May or may not? Because I don't have all the answers you see. I have questions of my own that I am still figuring out.

1. Why is root beer so delicious?

2. What was that white sh*t flying down from the sky and landing on our cars?

3. What do I about the two boys that are hitting my Kid at school?

4. Why do I suddenly look so fat yet have not gained any weight?

Some questions have no answers. Go ahead, ask away - obviously, cooking questions are more likely to get answered...

Meme-ory.

Memes? Eh. But Joyce asked.

Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write their own blog with their 7 things as well as these rules. You need to tag 7 others and list their names on your blog. Remember to leave a comment for them letting them know they have been tagged and to read your blog.
Here goes:

1. 'Best of My Love' by the Emotions is one of my favorite songs.

2. I have never eaten sushi and I never will.

3. You know I hate polka dots. Can you believe that the carpet in my office building was JUST CHANGED TO POLKA DOTS?? I need to quit my job. Seriously.

4. When I see those 'slow down' speedometers on the street, I speed up to see how high I can get the numbers.

5. I hate the smell of bananas. It makes me gag. ~gag~

6. I have two cell phones and I check them incessantly. I am always worried that the kid's school is going to call to say that they are dying or you never know when I'm going to be sent pictures of hamsters.

7. I hate wearing pants. Wait. That sounds wrong. I mean I'd rather wear skirts. Or shorts. Just not - nevermind.

I tag: Myra, sko_G, Nanette, Jodi, Jen, and you and you, if you are reading this.

Coffee, coffee, buzz, buzz, buzz.

I love mochi, of course, and I LOVE coffee. So I made up a recipe that combined the two AND was simple to make. Mochi is a Japanese sweet rice cake, not sugary, not fattening, just perfect. I will take it any way I can get it, but coffee flavored - I think I've found heaven. Some recipes are difficult, but it doesn't have to be. This version is baked and tastes just as good as the old fashioned steaming method.
I even served it at the shower, wondering how people who were not familiar with mochi - would take to it. It was popular! Even the Baby loves it. And with all that coffee in it, well, I think I've got a little addict on my hands. Recipe, here.

One for my baby, and one more for the road

I have been having some crazy-ass dreams lately. Probably cause the Kid slept with me this weekend and I ended up with a foot in my back at 2am. Damn, doesn't this Kid know I had a shower to throw the next day!? Speaking of - the shower was a success! Proven by the fact that no one even realized that six hours had passed and we were all still chatting and eating. YIKES.

The food was a hit, seeing as how ALL of it is gone. As in - no leftovers. Yay! I also perfected my 'coffee mochi' recipe which people seemed to enjoy. That will be posted tomorrow.

Instead of shower games we had the guests paint onesies for the new baby. It was a fun activity, especially since everyone in attendance was a designer. When it was done for me at my own shower there was much porn/swear words making most of them un-wearable. Thank you crazy friends. Here is what I made:The father-to-be was peeved cause he thought I was saying he was going to have a nerd-baby. Yes. I was saying that. But hey, I have TWO nerd babies and I am not ashamed of it.

I've got to catch up on my zzz's. I am hoping for sweet dreams tonight. Sweet nerd dreams. Here are more shower pics, if you are interested.

Fast and the furious

Yes I make mochi at home. No this is not how I do it.

Michael: "Oh Hunter, give Jan a message for me - tell her, 'I want to squeeze them.' It's code. She'll know what it means."

I make for a hott date. I spend my Friday nights carving melons. This is why everyone wants to be my friend. ~sigh~ Not really.
Carving watermelons is really easy, honest. It's not as complicated as carving pumpkins, and gives you some tasty eats afterwards. After a night of drying out, this one will be used to hold fruit salad at the shower tomorrow.

This only took about 20 minutes. I am on a terror with the knife up in here. Next up - watch out cantaloupe, I'm going to make you my b*tch!