Sunday, December 07, 2008

Clark: This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest for fun. We're all gonna have so much fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles.

There were plans to go on a 'real' vacation, honest. To a far away location like...San Diego. HA. But things haven't been going as planned lately, and when my mom offered up the idea of two nights at the Disneyland Hotel as a vacation, well - I jumped at the chance. I know people are sick of hearing that I am always at Disneyland, but with my mom and cousin doing the bulk of the watching of the kids during the stay, I felt like that was vacation in itself.

And it was. It was a major relief to have another set of hands around, however when it came time for poopin', suddenly the kids were all mine again. This is why I don't have pets. I hate taking care of poop. Someday these kids will do it on their own, but for now, I feel like it's 80% of my life.

In any case, here are some trip highlights, because my life is nothing but bullet points...:

Good: Weekdays in winter mean NO lines. Take my advice. Thursdays rock.
Bad: Pinocchio NEVER has a line. But no one likes that ride. Mr. Toad? Always backed up. Proving once again, that people would rather go to Hell, rather than spend time with puppets.

Yum: The Kid ate like a champ. Chowing down two full buffet plates. This from a kid who says, "I'll just have cheese for dinner."
Ew: I had to scold the Baby for LICKING the outdoor theme park furniture. Why the...What.

Fat: We rode on the new Small World boats for fat people. Well, not really, but since people are fat, they had to get new boats. They are small and plastic-y. Much like the miniature people inside the ride. As the Kid told people in line, "This is my mom's favorite ride because she just goes to sleep."
Fatter: I ate, probably the best meal I have had at Disney, in a place I've never been to before. (More later.) However, the next day - in one hour I consumed fried chicken, soda, cotton candy, and a chocolate caramel bar. I am making myself sick just typing this.

Funniest thing I heard: The Baby go up to the Churro cart and announce to the man, "I'M HERE FOR CHURROS. YOU KNOW WAHT? YOU KNOW WHY THEY ARE GOOD? CUZ OF THE CINNAMUN."
Saddest thing I heard: "I thought you were watching him!" I saw not one, but two sets of parents LEAVE their kids and just walk away. One was in a stroller! What the hell peeps?

Score: I got the LAST Peter Pan hat...of them all! They pulled all of them off every shelf in every store because...they ran out of feathers. Can you believe that? When I grabbed one for the Baby, the cashier said, "That's the last one in all of Disneyland."
Bore: I could do without it, but we watched the parade, followed by fireworks, followed by the ever popular 'snow' on Main Street. It's amazing that people from the East Coast are so enthralled with it, it's just soap! I told the kids to keep their mouth closed so they don't get diarrhea.

Daredevil: The Kid measured himself everyday and finally he is now 40". Barely. He easily got on Star Tours (I love me some Star Wars, so I was thrilled) and Splash Mountain. He is still 6 inches short of Indiana Jones. It's gonna be a while, kid.
Scaredy Cat: The Baby JUST made 36" and can now ride the Matterhorn like a big boy. He got one look at that Bigfoot and freaked the hell out. I think he'll be staying on the kiddie rides.

Packing heat: I loved packing for trips. Loved. Pre-children. Now I have like a jillion bags packed to the gills for any emergency that might come my way. What happened to my one-bag and go life? And how the heck did HaHa and the dino get themselves a sweet ride in a very, VERY expensive Stella McCartney bag? Unfair.
Packing light: We saw people swimming in the pool at 7 at night. It was 50 degrees and dropping, outside. Definitely more than chilly. I did not get that. My cousin claims it's because "they are probably from Nebraska and think it's hot." I dunno. I was freezing my a$$ off.

There was more of course, but that was our trip in a nutshell. It was a mighty fine vacation, and just in time to keep me from going postal before the holidays. Now I just need to make it to Christmas...

See all the pics here.

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Blogger Sizzle said...

I cannot stop laughing. This: "I told the kids to keep their mouth closed so they don't get diarrhea."


Cuz you know who deals with the poop? YOU!

Sunday, December 07, 2008 2:25:00 PM  
Blogger Jodi said...

We walked right on to Mr. Toad on Thanksgiving. I was shocked as that's never happened. Then again, we did that for most rides. The wait for Star Tours was "3 minutes." Damn shame they are taking that one away.
Of course, Peter Pan did--at midnight. Didn't bother.

Disneyland seems to be the place to see some of the worst parents. Once when I was there, a little girl of about 4 was wailing that she had to go potty. Her dad was pulling her along by her arm, in a really harsh way, and SCREAMING at her that it was "too bad." Ugh.

I, too, could use a "real" vacation. We are probably canceling the one we were planning for January though.

Sunday, December 07, 2008 2:28:00 PM  
Blogger michelle said...

my family stayed at the disneyland hotel in 1986. i thought it was the most fabulous place i had ever seen ... i was 11 ... it even had a fake beach! some of the workers were on strike when we were there ... i still remember them chanting, "boycott the disneyland hotel". random memories, here. :)

Sunday, December 07, 2008 2:32:00 PM  
Anonymous Annika said...

The baby with the churro vendor has me rolling on the floor.

Sunday, December 07, 2008 5:54:00 PM  
Blogger bethany actually said...

As a native Nebraskan who now lives in California, I can assure you that your cousin was probably right! My husband and I are always laughing at the weenie Californians who think they need a coat when it's 60F outside. A light jacket, maybe, but a coat? Nah.

Sunday, December 07, 2008 10:09:00 PM  
Blogger Human said...


Wow..what a great vacation you have.I wish i can do my vacation just like you with family and friends.


Sunday, December 07, 2008 10:50:00 PM  
Blogger Lissete said...

I love Disney! Even if we don't ride anything at all!
My all time favorite Disney story was when my daughter was about 4. I caught her putting toilet paper inside her shoes to make her tall enough for Splash Mountain! :) Didn't work.

Monday, December 08, 2008 7:06:00 AM  

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